Magic: the Gathering News for May 2002
Masked Rookie Wins Grinder
In what could herald a new era for the game of Magic, a brand new player won the first US Nationals grinder. Going undefeated in games, the rookie applied for a DCI number minutes before the first games started. By the end of round six, he had a horde of Magic players following him around, cheering him on. Disney World was rocked by the loud chants. After his triumphant win, the crowd spilled out into the park, chanting "USA! USA!"
Tan Wins Writer War
In a shocking development this week, Oscar Tan dethroned John 'Friggin' Rizzo as the CCGPRIME writer war champion. The result has caused mass confusion among magic players worldwide.
Magic Online Invitational 2002
Rumors have been circulating about the demise of the Magic Invitational in recent months, but a post to Sideboard Online has dispelled these rumors, at least for this year.
MiseTings.com Retains Ruthless Stranglehold on MTG Humor
MiseTings.com, the premiere MTG 'humor' site, has claimed its' first victim. Former competitors YerShit.com have had their website pulled off the Internet in what is being hailed as "A great victory for the Empire."
Bram Snepvangers: "Kai is my Bitch."
Flush with confidence from his victories over reigning PT Player of the Year Kai Budde in the single elimination rounds of Grand Prix-Florence and PT-Nice, Dutchman Bram Snepvangers made a shocking claim: "Kai is my Bitch."
Good Man of the Week: Brian Hegstad
Brian first came into the public eye with a top 8 finish in the 2nd Grand Prix Boston. Later that year he joined fellow new kid on the block Eugene Harvey on a young but talented US National team. Yes it was two wannabes and a has been against the world.
Team Academy Exposes Rivalry in Star City Family
Featured Writer Will Reiffer broke Star City's goody two shoes image Saturday by sending in an acidic piece to none other than rival site Team Academy. It wasn't a review. Reiffer's article called fellow Featured Writer Oscar Tan "the biggest phony I've met in the game".
10 Commandments of Magic
In leiu of something interesting, I have devised a method in which to deploy wisdom. Here is a list of ten commandments that every Magic player should follow. Actually, anyone worth their head probably already does, but there are some out there still hidden in shadow...
Malka To Drop 'Nice Guy Act'
The Magic community recoiled with a mixture of shock, amazement and head-scratching as veteran Magic player Sol Malka announced he would drop what he called his "nice guy act" in favor of his natural manner of speaking.
1.x Rotation: How I will Miss Ball Lightning
When I saw the announcement about the 1.x rotation I was heartbroken. I don't care about the dual lands or even Force of Will, Illusions, Swords to Plowshares or any of that. I've always played Sligh in extended and the card I'm going to miss the most is Ball Lightning.
Fuck This Shit, I Quit
Today, when browsing the depths of this site (which, I must say, has really gone to the shits lately), I discovered an enormous dick up my ass, so to speak.
Extended Rotation: What Do You Think?
Wizards of the Coast has announced that with the legality of Onslaught, the Ice Age Block, Mirage Block and 5th Edition will no longer be legal in Extended. What do you think?
Chris Pikula Makes Final Table at WSOP Shootout
From CardPlayer.Com: If it's true, this is a great story. Chris Pikula claims that this is his first poker tournament ever. Imagine making a WSOP Final Table in your first tournament? Chris mucked his hand for 10th when Rocco DiPomazio showed him a runner runner flush. Now if Chris never makes another WSOP Final Table, he'll always wonder how he made the first one.
Good Man of the Week: EDT
Eric Taylor has seen a lot in his day. From the invention of the wheel, to the Last Supper, to the signing of the Declaration of Independence, to finally winning a Grand Prix. Magic’s own caveman has done it all.
DCI Rotates Extended
The rotation in question will take effect on July 1, 2002. Entering Extended will be Judgment, the other green set. Leaving Extended will be Fifth Edition, Classic Sixth Edition, Ice Age, Homelands, Alliances, Mirage, Visions, Weatherlight, Tempest, Stronghold, Exodus, Urza's Saga, Urza's Legacy, Urza's Destiny, Mercadian Masques, Nemesis, Prophecy, and the ten dual lands.
Response by Jarrod Bright
Now don't get me wrong: I can take tongue-in-cheek humour and I don't take
myself overly seriously, however this article, with an anonymous poster, was mostly false. I took no offense whatsoever to comments about my Magic playing career (since most of the Magic playing I do is not at sanctioned tournaments and I usually do my testing for my articles online), and any backlash from this to my articles is of no great worry to me. Magic is a hobby for me, not something which I would consider a career or anything.
GP: Milwaukee – Recap
EDT – Not Just a Time Zone Anymore
Zero “Terminator” Decks in Top 64
William Jensen Proves That Size Doesn’t Matter
Who is Jarrod Bright
Perth: Australia - In the last few months the question on everyone's lips has been: “Who is Jarrod Bright?” His insightful magic theories and leaking of technologies such as “The Terminator” have broken new ground in magic journalism and brought legions of previously unaware players to new heights of understanding. Although the elusive Bright was unable to be interviewed, this reporter was able to put together the pieces of the Jarrod Bright puzzle from his friends and contemporaries in the charming backwater of Perth, the solitary city on the otherwise uninhabited west coast of Australia.
MiseTings Announces MiseTings Premium
Have you ever wanted to access top-notch Magic humor in an easier and faster manner? Do you wish there was a way to find that hilarious article without clicking through hundreds of 'yer shits'? Now there is a way. For just a small fee, you can receive laughs and good times from the top internet humorists. Remember, laughter is power, and Miseting's Premium Members have access to the most laughs.
MiseTings makes Forum Swap
In an unprecedented move, MiseTings owner Mike Bregoli has moved the MiseTings forum to somewhere else. Apparently a lot of the databases have been corrupted/destroyed in the transition.
English "Stock Sinks Low" Due to Kaplan Effect
Thousands of Magic players around the world were treated to the original writing of Eli Kaplan, who was covering GP: Milwaukee. Kaplan, with dozens of such reports “under his belt,” was “boasting” of how good a job he could do at the coming GP. Eli began “bringing the beats” in round 3, ”kicking off the game” with coverage of Stokinger vs. Karem. This match is where Kaplan’s stock of witty phrases that he had “built on the beachside” first came to bear.
Magic Players Tired Of Judgment
A poll indicates that Magic players the world over are tired of the Magic: The Gathering Judgment expansion and are turning their eyes toward Onslaught.
Math Professor Sucks at Magic
AUSTIN, TX--After months of painstaking research, University of Texas faculty member Stephen Logsdon has come forth claiming to have developed a mathematical equation enabling him to optimally design and tune Magic: The Gathering decks.
Human Caricature Wins Australian Nationals
Canberra, Australia - Justin West has had many careers in his brief time on earth -- member of the walking dead, professional wrestler Thugzor of the third-rate Australian Cage Match League, hired biker muscle, traveling mosh pit organizer, that guy in the first scene of "The Scorpion King" who drank from the skull of his slain enemy before roaring triumphantly that no man would ever defeat him -- but the one he is proudest of is his new position as Australian Magic Champion 2002.
Good Man of the Week: "No Blocks" Davis
You may know Brian from Decent PT finishes, to poor GP finishes, to completely throwing away the finals of his first ever Pro Tour. Don’t get me wrong, the fact that he reached this lofty goal in his first trip to the dance, is only barely eclipsed by the fact that his would be 3-0 victory turned into the most shameful of defeats.
MiseTings Presents: The Last Ten Days or So in Review
Kai Budde Doesn't Win Pro Tour Nice
Thousands Demand Battle of Wits Reform
Masters Series Won By The Littlest Pro
GMOTW Article Sparks Momentary Excitement in MiseTings Forums
R&D Member Tries to Take Credit For Worldgorger Dragon, Isn't Fooling Anyone
Dorks Play Magic In the Movies Too
After arriving back from Nice I went to see Spider-Man and was was impressed with the harsh reality of the film during the scene in Peter Parker's room. Specifically, if you look carefully you can see in the background on his walls not only a Dungeons and Dragons poster, but also a Magic: The Gathering: Invasion poster. This explains many things, specifically the noted abscence of any showering in the movie, and Parker's apparent inability to form a coherent sentence near women.
Judgment's Wishes Offer Exciting New Options For Counterspells
A cycle of five new cards in the next Magic: The Gathering card set, Judgment, will enable players' wishes to come true. The five cards, known as "The Wish Cycle," will allow casual players and pros alike to cast counterspells at cards from players' sideboards, cards that have been removed from the game, or even cards from a player's personal collection.
Master Champion Requests Bank Loan
Enschede, The Netherlands — Dutchman Alexander Witt completed an amazing win streak of 11 wins to be crowned PT Nice Masters champion last weekend. The most recent in an ever growing list of Dutch stars earned fame and fortune by savaging the opposition in both Gateway and Master events.
Selfless Magic Player Demonstrates a Heart of Gold
It's easy to stereotype avid Magic gamers as cold, heartless sons of bitches. Though this idea may hold some weight, its not entirely true. A few of these sons of bitches really do care. A player known only as JeremyArc7 has proven to be one of these select few. He is willing to do anything to help a player in need.
Good Man of the Week: Rick Moranis
Rick started off his career on a little known sketch comedy show called Second City TV (SCTV). Numerous other luminaries started in the same venue. John “Candy” Hunka, Eugene “Levy” Harvey, and Dave “Thomas” Price all began with the show based on the Chicago/Toronto comedy troupe. Soon Rick became too large for television. It was time to move to the silver screen.
Pro Tour Nice: Recap
Pro Tour Nice started off with a bang Thursday with the now infamous Benafel vs Wise feature match in round one of the Masters competition.
Misetings Makes Mistake
Misetings.com - A Misetings article posted last week and referencing another article from Theonion.com seems to have been a huge mistake. The article from The Onion poked fun at Magic store employees inabilities to engage in sexual acts with members of the opposite sex. Seeing the word Magic, an avid Misetings reporter quickly posted the article for viewing on Misetings.
Onion Article Hits Gamers A Little Too Close To Home
Des Moines, IA - A recent article from The Onion mocking the pathetic life of a social outcast hit just a little too close to home for Des Moines resident Paul Doleson, friends of the 21-year-old reported Friday. The article, which Doleson encountered via a link from the Magic humor site MiseTings.com, reportedly struck a chord with the avid Magic player's deep insecurities about his own inadequacies, particularly regarding his relationship with his first-ever girlfriend, whom he had met just nine days previous.