Magic: the Gathering News for November 2002
DCI Unable to Prevent Hahn Articles
Renton, WA – A mysterious sound first believed to be a tanker truck exploding has been identified as Jeff Donais reacting to the limits of his power. Mister Donais is the head of the DCI, the sanctioning body of tournament Magic. Donais reportedly put his fists through a concrete block after reading an article on StarCity penned by recently suspended player Kurtis Hahn.
YMG Dominates PT Houston: WE GET IT ALREADY
The extended Pro Tour:Houston, held November 8-10 at Reliant Stadium in Houston, Texas, has inspired Mages to write pages upon pages of articles. Deckbuilding experts have only just begun analyzing the decks, discerning weak points, strengths, and trends. Congratulations for Justin Gary, and the other members of the Top 8, are still rolling in. During all this, Wizards of the Coast has hyped the success of Team YMG in the tournament to no end. In its quixotic attempts to give Magic a historical base on which to draw from, Sideboard writers have gone completely overboard in praising the performance of Gary and others. Despite the company's attempts to become more "in touch" with its client base, there's one thing that WotC has failed to realize: WE GET IT ALREADY!
Good Man of the Week: Jens Thoren
I am not a bigot I swear, at least not intentionally. I didn’t realize that all the Good Men of the Week were from North America. I know Gary lived in England when he got the award, but come on, we know he is a dirty canuck. This week I am going to give the award to my favorite European of all. Jens Thoren.
Crowd Horrified As Jacko Owns Baby
BERLIN -- A crowd of fans who had gathered to see singer Michael Jackson were stunned when the pop star demonstrated a complete and utter ownership of his infant son by dangling him from a fourth-floor hotel balcony Tuesday.
Somewhere, Noah Weil Still Going On About Psychatog
SEATTLE, WA – Longtime Magic player and former Minnesota State Champion Noah Weil is still going on about how he was the first person to discover Psychatog, it was learned Wednesday. Weil, who won last year’s Minnesota State Championships with a primitive version of ‘Tog, began going off again about his discovery after reading Mike Flores’ article “Your States Gauntlet” on Sideboard.com, in which Flores noted the lack of Psychatog decks at last year’s State events.
Good Man of the Week: JT Money
I can think of no one better to herald the return of Good Man of the Week than Neil Reeves.
Top Ten PT Houston Captions
Top ten captions from Pro Tour Houston. Generated by the MiseTings community and chosen by MB.
Thoren Nervously Awaits Invitational Card
STOCKHOLM, Sweden -- Magic: The Gathering 2002 Invitational champion Jens Thoren said Tuesday that he was nervously anticipating a look at the art that would be used on the card that will be created in his honor.
Bleiweiss Loses It After 11 Hours of Typing Decklists
HOUSTON, TX -- Sideboard reporter Ben Bleiweiss flew into a violent rage after being forced to type up 351 Pro Tour: Houston decklists Saturday. During his brief, 28-second rampage, which followed the uploading of the decklist HTML files to the Wizards website, Bleiweiss threw his pro-gun-sticker-emblazoned laptop computer on the ground, overturned a concession stand selling overpriced chili, and knocked Sideboard content manager Aaron Forsythe to the ground before being restrained by Pro Tour competitors Jin Okamoto and Victor van den Broek.
An Open Letter to Ben Bleiweiss
In response to his "I'll Bet A Hundred Words Per Card That These'll All See Play In The New Extended" article on StarCity, I wrote an email to Ben Bleiweiss. Here are its contents.
Pro Tour Hopeful Felled by Burn Article
Jonesboro, GA -- Roger Dorst, a young Pro-tour hopeful was found suffering from a severe case of shock this morning in his parent's basement. Authorities are claiming a Brainburst article is responsible for the young geek's condition, which is being described as stable (but smelly).
Magic News in Brief
Clegg Banned for One Year
Magic Invitational First Ever 16 Slot PTQ
Mike Long Could be a Savage Cheater
Onslaught Limited is Skill Based
Hahn vs. Kai: The Game
Think you can smash bottles like Kurt Hahn? Download this game and see. . .
Top Ten GP Philadelphia Captions
Top ten captions from Grand Prix Philadelphia. Generated by the MiseTings community and chosen by MB.
Anti-Blue Conspiracy or Blue Lunacy?
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- With the imminent introduction of Onslaught and the exiting of the Invasion block, many blue mages eager to see the new counterspelling cards gathered throughout the metropolitan area in search of answers. With the addition of new abilities such as Morph and cycling, and many people claiming that this would be one of the greatest sets in magic history, expectations were high.