Magic: the Gathering News for February 2003
General Public Too Stupid to Learn Game
Renton, Washington -- After years of trying to educate a non-gamer public, Wizards of the Coast employees have collectively resigned themselves to a fate of making a niche product for gamers. Randy Buehler, former Pro Tour champion and current Wizards employee, sums up the employees’ general feelings: “The general public is a bunch of retards. Every time I think that we have explained things as clearly as possible we get some idiotic question."
Magic Players Unable To Evaluate X
Despite numerous attempts by many talented students of the Mathematical arts, professional Magic players continue to be unable to find the value of X, even when X turns out to be such commonly found numbers as three, four or seven. As a result, it has now been several years since the last time anyone knew which round it was or what their actual results had been.
Mark "Bling Bling" Rosewater Announces Name Change
Seattle, WA -- Hot on the tails of the announcement of a redesign for the popular trading card game "Magic the Gathering", Mark "Bling Bling" Rosewater has commented that he is going to change his name to the more dignified "Maro-Diddy," and that he is considering changing the official name of the card game to "Em Tee G-lo" so that it will have a more widespread "MTV generation" appeal.
Week in Review: Feb. 18 – Feb. 24
The latest news from a busy week.
The Words of War Dilemma: Words!
This week we are here to discuss the Words of War dilemma. Yan is of the impression that Ravenous Baloth is the better rare in sealed. This opinion is shared widely. As both Yan and most of the Magic playing world believe this, it will probably come as little surprise to you that I disagree.
The Words of War Dilemma: Baloth!
JP made a good point in that the Baloth is more difficult to slip in, but he has missed the big issue. Sealed decks nowadays need a bomb to break through, and Words of War cannot provide that quick an advantage as, say Starstorm can, especially more than one.
Week In Review: Feb. 10–Feb. 17
The latest news, from where I see it.
WoTC Staff Disappointed by Choice of 'Artifact' in Poll
RENTON, WASHINGTON - It was a disappointing week for Wizards of the Coast R&D when a tally of the votes for You Make The Card 2 revealed "Artifact" to be the winner. "We were all set to have an exciting, unique card added to the 'Bacon' spoiler... when we heard it was going to have to be an artifact," pouted Mark Rosewater, head of R&D. "How are we going to break it to the You Make The Card crowd that their card is going to have to suck?"
Jabba The Hutt Added Digitally To New Magic Cards
RENTON, Wash. -- Wizards of the Coast announced Thursday that as part of the new, revamped card faces coming to Magic: The Gathering, beloved movie villain Jabba the Hutt would be digitally added to every Magic card, starting with Eighth Edition.
Dissecting the Buehler
SEATTLE, WA -- Randy Buehler’s latest article on the color White was met with some confusion. In response to the questions raised, the staff at the Buehler Institute For the Betterment Of Magic (BIFBOM) has released a translated copy.
Invitational Winners Forced to New Standard
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA -- The new code of behavior for Magic Invitational winners was set last week, when The End Games store owner Mike Long dealt damage to the store's co-proprietor Pete Leiher. Mike Long, after an alleged argument, began gathering up merchandise, essentially searching and removing cards from the store grounds.
Fifteen Articles for the Price of One
Many people have noted how MiseTings has really gone to the shits din recent months, and I am not in any way inclined to disagree with them. However, while I was reading the string of embarrassingly awful articles from the so-called "8th Edition Week" and wondering why anyone still reads this site at all, I came across the article "Coming Soon to MiseTings" by Pugg Fuggly. While Mr. Fuggly's article was a refreshing change of pace from the absolute shit of the past few weeks, it occurred to me that here is the first set of articles that actually might not suck, and yet only the headlines will ever get written.
Artist Guay Fired: Art not Sexy Enough
As reported by fellow Magic: the Gathering news affiliate www.mtgnews.com, longtime card artist Rebecca Guay was fired due to her work being "too feminine." When consulted via telephone, new Magic art director Jeremy Cranford elaborated that Ms. Guay's art was "not sexy enough."
Discrimination Suit Against Wizards Filed; Intellectuals, Politicians Outrage
Seattle, WA -- A recent article on The Sideboard.com has sparked widespread dissent among the African American community providing impetus for legal action by the NAACP. The article, “Building a Better Black,” by Alex Shvartsman, was decried by African American officials around the nation.
Millionth Phage Joke Made Days After Card Is Released
Metairie, LA -- Tad Hudder was reported to have officially cracked the millionth joke about Phage the Untouchable on Sunday.
Top Ten PT Chicago Captions
Top ten captions from Pro Tour Chicago. Generated by the MiseTings community and chosen by MB.
Top Ten GP New Orleans Captions
Top ten captions from Pro Tour New Orleans. Generated by the MiseTings community and chosen by MB.