Magic: the Gathering News for December 2003
Flavor of "You Make the Card 2" Card Completely Retarded
Washington -- Just short of a year after the first, the second "You Make the Card" was announced. While the first you-made card, Forgotten Ancient, had a compelling name, flavor and mechanic, Fifth Dawn's card, Crucible of Worlds, is a flavor nightmare.
Area Man's Red Deck Does Not Win
Bloomington MN -- Area man Andrew Lipkin was shocked this past Saturday at a local qualifying tournament for Pro Tour: Kobe, when his Red Deck failed to win. Lipkin, a mediocre player from a neighboring suburb, had cobbled his deck together that morning, yet had high hopes for his deck.
Reconciliation for Saddam Hussein: Magic Judge
Military officials announced today that despite the current administrations opinion on Saddam Husseins punishment, the war criminal would be reconciliated into society. He will undergo a serious reconciliation program, designed to help Saddam become a functioning member of society.
PT: Betty Crocker Report *1st*
We all had been playtesting three possible decklists for the bakeoff this last Saturday but Jon and Sam could not deal with all the burn flying around. Finally we decided they would stay out of the kitchen while I braved the Ovens of Rath. Our first idea was to run Oatmeal, but this proved too sloppy. . .
Wizards Increase Prices, Market Set to Implode
Early last week, Wizards of the Coast announced a price increase of the MSRP on boosters and tournament packs, raising booster prices to $3.69 (previously $3.29) and theme decks and tournament pack prices up to $11.29 a piece. Players worldwide with loud opinions and terrible spelling skills immediately blasted the proclamation.
MiseTings Christmas Giveaway
Christmas. It's the season of giving. Well, crap, I guess that means it's time to give away some stuff. We don't have a lot of fabulous prizes here at Fort Tings but there are some Mirrodin boosters laying around. . .
Fatties No Longer Popular: How to Adapt to the New T2
It's a well-known fact that the average Magic : The Gathering player is grotesquely overweight. If we want our favorite hobby to be acknowledged and respected by the general non-magic playing public (sheep), we need to shed those unwanted pounds, after all, those bastards are nothing without their friendly stereotypes.
Green Will Have a Fog Effect in "Ctrl"
In a move sure to stun long-term players, it was leaked earlier this week that the first expansion of the block after Mirrodin, code-named "Control," green will have a card with the ability to prevent all combat damage during a given turn. The effect is reminiscent of the staple green card Fog, which has been helping ten-year-olds survive Overrun since 1997.
The Moons of Mirrodin: A Critical Review
McDermott is a talent-free goon. This book should be considered to be literary persecution of good taste and an affront to novel writing. I hate it, and hope to force-feed it to the author page by page with a big wooden spoon. I could list reasons, but I would prefer to wade through the novel making fun of everything instead, and through this process you will see what I mean about how much Will McDermott sucks.
Cottonelle Threatens to Sue Wizards of the Coast
In a press release earlier this week, the president of Cottonelle, Tom Falk, publicly announced their plans to take legal action against national card-whoring company, Wizards of the Coast.
Darksteel Spoiler Clarification
Many of you read the spoiler, and believed it to be real. Admittedly, there were fewer of you than we would have liked, but you were there. A great many readers believed it to be satire, and proclaimed as such.
A day in the life of a Magic Player: Eivind Nitter
I was recently invited to spend a day in Europe with Norway’s own Eivind Nitter. This Magic: the Gathering playing fashionista allowed me to tag onto his busy schedule and take a peek into his hectic life. I was hoping to use this chance to dispel the rumors that Eivind is gay, a porn star and a blatant clothes horse.