Renton, WA -- At a press conference earlier today, Wizards of the Coast revealed the new mechanic of Torment, the next Magic: the Gathering set. It’s called “Slammer”, and it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen. Mark Rosewater, lead set designer, explained, “first we had foils, then we had split cards. This is just a logical progression.”

The new “Slammer” cards are eighty times as thick as normal cards, and forged of heavy plastic. The cards have unique decals, and names such as “The Big One”, “Squish Machine”, and “Dragon Slayer”.

“Basically,” said Rosewater, “before the game starts, both players stack their decks together, and reveal their slammer cards. Both players, in order of priority, take turns hitting the stack, and whoever flips the most cards, keeps them, and wins the game.” The innovative concept was initially a suggestion from a new junior focus group, designed to make the game more accessible to younger players, and women.

Group leader, Rodney Burt Jr, expressed a sentiment shared by many pre-teen gamers: “These days, magic is just too slow. I mean, I either want to bust out my Charizard, and win, or I’d just rather watch Emeril.” Burt Jr, a former Junior Super Series player, was born with a fourty-seventh chromazone.

“Hopefully, this will be the surge Magic needs to gain legitimacy,” spoke Rosewater, “It’s ideas like remaking Desert Twister, Ophidian, and Nevinyrral’s Disk in grossly better forms, and this one, that keep the game fast, fresh, and fun.” Vendetta, the third set of the block, is rumoured to reprint such favourites as Memory Jar, Tolarian Academy, and Channel/Fireball (split card form).

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Renton, WA -- At a press conference earlier today, Wizards of the Coast revealed the new mechanic of Torment, the next Magic: the Gathering set. It’s called “Slammer”, and it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen. Mark Rosewater, lead set designer, explained, “first we had foils, then we had split cards. This is just a logical progression.”

The new “Slammer” cards are eighty times as thick as normal cards, and forged of heavy plastic. The cards have unique decals, and names such as “The Big One”, “Squish Machine”, and “Dragon Slayer”.

“Basically,” said Rosewater, “before the game starts, both players stack their decks together, and reveal their slammer cards. Both players, in order of priority, take turns hitting the stack, and whoever flips the most cards, keeps them, and wins the game.” The innovative concept was initially a suggestion from a new junior focus group, designed to make the game more accessible to younger players, and women.

Group leader, Rodney Burt Jr, expressed a sentiment shared by many pre-teen gamers: “These days, magic is just too slow. I mean, I either want to bust out my Charizard, and win, or I’d just rather watch Emeril.” Burt Jr, a former Junior Super Series player, was born with a fourty-seventh chromazone.

“Hopefully, this will be the surge Magic needs to gain legitimacy,” spoke Rosewater, “It’s ideas like remaking Desert Twister, Ophidian, and Nevinyrral’s Disk in grossly better forms, and this one, that keep the game fast, fresh, and fun.” Vendetta, the third set of the block, is rumoured to reprint such favourites as Memory Jar, Tolarian Academy, and Channel/Fireball (split card form).

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!