Sure, the big news is that Magic celebrates its 10th anniversary later this year, but have we all forgotten the other important milestone in Magic history? MiseTings turns 15 next month and we shouldn't forget some of the older classics, many of which have unfortunately been lost to the ages. Take a trip back in time with me as we look back through MiseTings' rocky history, from its early days as a backup database of the U.S. military's nuclear arsenal locations to today, where it reigns supreme as one of the world's top twelve free (not for long) Magic-related news, strategy, rumor, gossip and whining websites not suitable for minors.

MiseTings BBS Upgrades to 9600 Baud, Rich Kids Rejoice (July 5, 1989)
...an impressive power move by the cryptic but popular BBS. MiseTings CEO, editor, programmer and toilet cleaner Mike Bregoli commented, "Sure, this is bound to alienate some of our users, but I feel it had to be done for the future longevity of MiseTings. Besides, insiders have predicted that by 1993 everyone's going to go 9600 anyway..."

These Playtest Cards Are OK, But I Need Something I Can Beat Off To (November 21, 1991)
...in a MiseTings exclusive, developer Skaff Elias reported that the game, tentatively titled "Magick: Like D&D But With Cards Instead of Dice" is "pretty fun, but man, this game could really use some big juggs, you know? I'm getting pretty sick of fantasizing about what [the card named] Angel is SUPPOSED to look like. I mean, is she blonde? Brunette? Is she wearing skimpy clothes? Is she even hot? This is our major concern right now..."

Magic Released, Site Finally Makes Sense (August 9, 1993)
...and our 27 regulars simultaneously went "Ohhhhhhh." The game is selling well, partly due to the positive buzz created by MiseTings (available at gopher://gopher.tc.umn.edu, navigate your client toward the misetings root directory)...

Bregoli Wipes Ass With Spare Lotus (September 3, 1993)
"...what with the abundance of all these 'crap rares,' it's getting to the point where it's much cheaper than spending my money on toilet paper." Bregoli switched to the Lotus after exhausting his supply of Moxen and his quilted duals, commenting that "there's nothing more depressing than seeing a mana-producer in my rare slot. I'll take a good-old, reliable Forest over some artifact any day..."

MiseTings Issues: Is 115 Cards Big Enough? (January 20, 1994)
...Mark Justice questions whether players are getting the most out of their decks. "I think the biggest mistake a new player can make is not playing with all of his cards. I mean, you only have to buy a few boosters and a couple starters to make a competitive, finely tuned 130-card deck, and I hate seeing players miss out on all of the best spells available to them..."

Spellfire Spells End For Magic (July 11, 1994)
...Wizards' stock fell through the floor Friday after the release of the latest sales figures on TSR's foray into the CCG field. While MiseTings prays Wizards will make it through this slump, we acknowledge that the future doesn't look bright for the struggling company...

Post-Antiquities Newbies Ruining Game For Veterans (May 5, 1994)
...are sick and tired of seeing bright-eyed youngsters coming into the hobby shop carrying around their decks filled to the brim with Workshops, Factories and other sub-par Antiquities cards. "What really gets me is that they think their cards are actually worth something in trades," reported MiseTings feature columnist Brian Weissman. "Just yesterday, some scrub offered me an Ivory Tower and four Strip Mines for my Blaze of Glory. I'm like, 'Beat it, kid!'..."

MTG: The Movie Goes Straight to Video (November 19, 1994)
...simply didn't meet the quality standards set by M:TG in the past. "If you ask me, it was all over when Lily Tomlin was cast as the Serra Angel. What the fuck were they thinking?" said Richard Garfield, executive producer of the film. "I wanted Margot Kidder, but noooo. Apparently, Tomlin's people have some clout in this town..."

Live Coverage of Grand Prix: Dave's Basement (December 10, 1994)
...missed out on the crucial first turn Ritual-Specter play, and his chances of winning the coveted Gift Certificate to Wendy's looked slim. "If you ask me," said lead tournament organizer Dave, "that guy doesn't know how to shuffle. I doubt he's even heard of mana-weaving..."

Card Sleeves Cruel April Fools Prank (April 2, 1995)
...tricked so many people that we're going to have a hard time keeping this tradition up year after year. The idea that people will fork over their hard-earned cash to protect their little pieces of cardboard is absolutely ridiculous, yet so many people bought into it. They deserved to get savagely 'tinged...

Can The American Juggernaut Zak Dolan Ever be Stopped? (August 9, 1995)
...he's simply the best there is, ever was, or ever will be. Who's going to come up to the plate and stop this phenomenon? Right now, nobody wants to challenge The Once and Future King, and we don't blame them...

MiseTings Gives Homelands Three Thumbs Up: "Best... Expansion... Ever" (October 8, 1995)
...and we think you'll agree. From the chilling power of Death Stalkers to the never-before-seen versatility of the Tri-Lands, Homelands has it all. And don't forget to click the "banner" at the top of this page for exclusive MiseTingsMerchandise.com savings on purchases of a dozen boxes or more of this amazing new product...

Tournament Community Rocked by Deck Plagiarism Scandal (February 19, 1996)
...Sunday's champion, who has asked the media to retain his anonymity, apparently "downloaded" his deck from TheDojo, lacking the creativity and the juevos most valued by today's top players. Frank Kusumoto, founder and Sensei of the controversial resource, pointed to the explicit disclaimer on the site's front page, which states that the resources are "for educational purposes only" and that users are strongly urged to delete the tech within 24 hours. "The law is firmly on our side..."

Stupid Rosewater Leaves MiseTings for Wizards, The Dumb Shit (May 9, 1996) ...huge douchebag, trading a lucrative minimum wage gig for an unstable future. "We see no other option but to humiliate the S.O.B. at every opportunity for the rest of our lives," said Bregoli. Rosewater had previously written for the television series Roseanne before joining the MiseTings team as Senior Coffee Slave. "If that guy winds up anywhere but the gutter..."

Thousands Arrested for Playing Magic For Free (August 22, 1996)
...are being held without bond, several news agencies reported. Apprentice creators Michael Allen, Derek Lee, and Christopher Warden remain at large and currently head the Ten Most Wanted list...

Fifth Edition Fiasco Causes Millions to Quit (March 21, 1997)
...Balance is gone, as is anything remotely resembling a power card. And what's with all the new art? We liked things just the way they were. MiseTings orders its readers to join the boycott of the set and its lack of much-needed rules clarifications...

Wizards Acquires TSR, Earth (June 4, 1997)
"...the last vestiges of your puny resistance movement are being slaughtered as we speak. There is no stopping us. Do not attempt to prevent our employees from entering your home. Do not make any sudden movements when you encounter Wizards troops on the street. Take out your DCI number--slowly, or better yet, display it on your lapel. Never make eye contact with a Wizards representative..."

Spoiler Taints Unglued Prerelease (July 27, 1998)
...tournament for the much-anticipated Unglued expansion came apart Saturday when it was discovered that several players had access to a "spoiler" list, giving them an unfair advantage over those who arrived dignified and unprepared. "This is a travesty," said esteemed artist Claymore J. Flapdoodle, who was present at the event...

Latest Changes to Banned, Restricted, Gay List (December 2, 1998)
...sure, it's good that Combo Winter's coming to an end, but is anyone really looking forward to Speedo Summer? MiseTings fears that the DCI's latest additions to the Gay List will do little to stop the pastel-colored tide rapidly encroaching on the tournament scene like a rainbow of doom...

Foreign Nobody "Kay Butt" Wins Some Shitty Tournament Somewhere (May 15, 1999)
...our readers yawned in unison when it was clear that no American had a shot at winning. "Honestly, I tuned out after our patriots were eliminated, but believe me, there'll be some serious complaining about this one," reported American Hero Gary Wise, though there remains lingering suspicion that he too may be "one of them"...

DCI Taking Flak for "No Chicks" Policy (October 8, 1999)
"...if these broads wanna play with the big boys, I say fine, but the matter is out of my hands," a DCI spokesperson responded to the allegations of discrimination. "If you ask me, the players don't want some wiggly, nubile teenager and her perky breasts bouncing, bouncing, bouncing across the table from them. It'd only serve as a distraction, and honestly, if you think some hottie's really got a shot at the next Pro Tour..."

Good Man of the Week: Trey "Mr. Integrity" Van Cleave (January 18, 2000)
...his careful, methodical style of play is starting to catch on. One of these days, a match is probably going to end in a draw, but until that day comes, Van Cleave's one-way ticket aboard the gravy train is perfectly valid and not at all suspicious in any way...

New Edition of OED Contains "Mise," "Ting," "STFU n00b" (May 16, 2001)
...MiseTings regulars were thrilled when the venerable Oxford English Dictionary released its latest list of neologisms. While there is clear cause to celebrate, many lament the notable absence of "yershit"...

MiseTings Server Crash Has "Nothing To Do With" FBI Raid (September 2, 2001)
"...sure, we're all very saddened that the MiseTings archives have been lost to history, but this couldn't be any less connected to the thing about all that supposed kiddie porn that was supposedly all over our servers, which was never found, by the way, thank you very much, because it never existed. No more questions..."

Gangsta Mages Demand Mo' Mana (June 17, 2002)
"...no we neva get enough / if a nigga pull the trigga / n' topdeck anotha kicka / I know we been scrizzied / when my brotha draw his wonda / wit no Island and no otha / damn I know we been scrizzied," Lebedowicz raged in his latest single. While unavaliable for comment, Osyp...

Garfield Cracks Open Imperial Hellkite (March 9, 2003)
...was ecstatic when he peeked at his rare and found the Dragon staring back at him. "I am like, so glad I saved up three bucks for this pack," said Garfield. "This is so going right next to my Shivan [in his Dragon deck]." Garfield was saddened that neither the Dragon nor the "totally shiny" foil Dripping Dead entered his collection in time for the Wizards Invitational, despite claims to the contrary that he didn't even have to own...

I hope the next fifteen years of subscription-based hilarity are just as good as the last! Thanks, MiseTings!

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Sure, the big news is that Magic celebrates its 10th anniversary later this year, but have we all forgotten the other important milestone in Magic history? MiseTings turns 15 next month and we shouldn't forget some of the older classics, many of which have unfortunately been lost to the ages. Take a trip back in time with me as we look back through MiseTings' rocky history, from its early days as a backup database of the U.S. military's nuclear arsenal locations to today, where it reigns supreme as one of the world's top twelve free (not for long) Magic-related news, strategy, rumor, gossip and whining websites not suitable for minors.

MiseTings BBS Upgrades to 9600 Baud, Rich Kids Rejoice (July 5, 1989)
...an impressive power move by the cryptic but popular BBS. MiseTings CEO, editor, programmer and toilet cleaner Mike Bregoli commented, "Sure, this is bound to alienate some of our users, but I feel it had to be done for the future longevity of MiseTings. Besides, insiders have predicted that by 1993 everyone's going to go 9600 anyway..."

These Playtest Cards Are OK, But I Need Something I Can Beat Off To (November 21, 1991)
...in a MiseTings exclusive, developer Skaff Elias reported that the game, tentatively titled "Magick: Like D&D But With Cards Instead of Dice" is "pretty fun, but man, this game could really use some big juggs, you know? I'm getting pretty sick of fantasizing about what [the card named] Angel is SUPPOSED to look like. I mean, is she blonde? Brunette? Is she wearing skimpy clothes? Is she even hot? This is our major concern right now..."

Magic Released, Site Finally Makes Sense (August 9, 1993)
...and our 27 regulars simultaneously went "Ohhhhhhh." The game is selling well, partly due to the positive buzz created by MiseTings (available at gopher://gopher.tc.umn.edu, navigate your client toward the misetings root directory)...

Bregoli Wipes Ass With Spare Lotus (September 3, 1993)
"...what with the abundance of all these 'crap rares,' it's getting to the point where it's much cheaper than spending my money on toilet paper." Bregoli switched to the Lotus after exhausting his supply of Moxen and his quilted duals, commenting that "there's nothing more depressing than seeing a mana-producer in my rare slot. I'll take a good-old, reliable Forest over some artifact any day..."

MiseTings Issues: Is 115 Cards Big Enough? (January 20, 1994)
...Mark Justice questions whether players are getting the most out of their decks. "I think the biggest mistake a new player can make is not playing with all of his cards. I mean, you only have to buy a few boosters and a couple starters to make a competitive, finely tuned 130-card deck, and I hate seeing players miss out on all of the best spells available to them..."

Spellfire Spells End For Magic (July 11, 1994)
...Wizards' stock fell through the floor Friday after the release of the latest sales figures on TSR's foray into the CCG field. While MiseTings prays Wizards will make it through this slump, we acknowledge that the future doesn't look bright for the struggling company...

Post-Antiquities Newbies Ruining Game For Veterans (May 5, 1994)
...are sick and tired of seeing bright-eyed youngsters coming into the hobby shop carrying around their decks filled to the brim with Workshops, Factories and other sub-par Antiquities cards. "What really gets me is that they think their cards are actually worth something in trades," reported MiseTings feature columnist Brian Weissman. "Just yesterday, some scrub offered me an Ivory Tower and four Strip Mines for my Blaze of Glory. I'm like, 'Beat it, kid!'..."

MTG: The Movie Goes Straight to Video (November 19, 1994)
...simply didn't meet the quality standards set by M:TG in the past. "If you ask me, it was all over when Lily Tomlin was cast as the Serra Angel. What the fuck were they thinking?" said Richard Garfield, executive producer of the film. "I wanted Margot Kidder, but noooo. Apparently, Tomlin's people have some clout in this town..."

Live Coverage of Grand Prix: Dave's Basement (December 10, 1994)
...missed out on the crucial first turn Ritual-Specter play, and his chances of winning the coveted Gift Certificate to Wendy's looked slim. "If you ask me," said lead tournament organizer Dave, "that guy doesn't know how to shuffle. I doubt he's even heard of mana-weaving..."

Card Sleeves Cruel April Fools Prank (April 2, 1995)
...tricked so many people that we're going to have a hard time keeping this tradition up year after year. The idea that people will fork over their hard-earned cash to protect their little pieces of cardboard is absolutely ridiculous, yet so many people bought into it. They deserved to get savagely 'tinged...

Can The American Juggernaut Zak Dolan Ever be Stopped? (August 9, 1995)
...he's simply the best there is, ever was, or ever will be. Who's going to come up to the plate and stop this phenomenon? Right now, nobody wants to challenge The Once and Future King, and we don't blame them...

MiseTings Gives Homelands Three Thumbs Up: "Best... Expansion... Ever" (October 8, 1995)
...and we think you'll agree. From the chilling power of Death Stalkers to the never-before-seen versatility of the Tri-Lands, Homelands has it all. And don't forget to click the "banner" at the top of this page for exclusive MiseTingsMerchandise.com savings on purchases of a dozen boxes or more of this amazing new product...

Tournament Community Rocked by Deck Plagiarism Scandal (February 19, 1996)
...Sunday's champion, who has asked the media to retain his anonymity, apparently "downloaded" his deck from TheDojo, lacking the creativity and the juevos most valued by today's top players. Frank Kusumoto, founder and Sensei of the controversial resource, pointed to the explicit disclaimer on the site's front page, which states that the resources are "for educational purposes only" and that users are strongly urged to delete the tech within 24 hours. "The law is firmly on our side..."

Stupid Rosewater Leaves MiseTings for Wizards, The Dumb Shit (May 9, 1996) ...huge douchebag, trading a lucrative minimum wage gig for an unstable future. "We see no other option but to humiliate the S.O.B. at every opportunity for the rest of our lives," said Bregoli. Rosewater had previously written for the television series Roseanne before joining the MiseTings team as Senior Coffee Slave. "If that guy winds up anywhere but the gutter..."

Thousands Arrested for Playing Magic For Free (August 22, 1996)
...are being held without bond, several news agencies reported. Apprentice creators Michael Allen, Derek Lee, and Christopher Warden remain at large and currently head the Ten Most Wanted list...

Fifth Edition Fiasco Causes Millions to Quit (March 21, 1997)
...Balance is gone, as is anything remotely resembling a power card. And what's with all the new art? We liked things just the way they were. MiseTings orders its readers to join the boycott of the set and its lack of much-needed rules clarifications...

Wizards Acquires TSR, Earth (June 4, 1997)
"...the last vestiges of your puny resistance movement are being slaughtered as we speak. There is no stopping us. Do not attempt to prevent our employees from entering your home. Do not make any sudden movements when you encounter Wizards troops on the street. Take out your DCI number--slowly, or better yet, display it on your lapel. Never make eye contact with a Wizards representative..."

Spoiler Taints Unglued Prerelease (July 27, 1998)
...tournament for the much-anticipated Unglued expansion came apart Saturday when it was discovered that several players had access to a "spoiler" list, giving them an unfair advantage over those who arrived dignified and unprepared. "This is a travesty," said esteemed artist Claymore J. Flapdoodle, who was present at the event...

Latest Changes to Banned, Restricted, Gay List (December 2, 1998)
...sure, it's good that Combo Winter's coming to an end, but is anyone really looking forward to Speedo Summer? MiseTings fears that the DCI's latest additions to the Gay List will do little to stop the pastel-colored tide rapidly encroaching on the tournament scene like a rainbow of doom...

Foreign Nobody "Kay Butt" Wins Some Shitty Tournament Somewhere (May 15, 1999)
...our readers yawned in unison when it was clear that no American had a shot at winning. "Honestly, I tuned out after our patriots were eliminated, but believe me, there'll be some serious complaining about this one," reported American Hero Gary Wise, though there remains lingering suspicion that he too may be "one of them"...

DCI Taking Flak for "No Chicks" Policy (October 8, 1999)
"...if these broads wanna play with the big boys, I say fine, but the matter is out of my hands," a DCI spokesperson responded to the allegations of discrimination. "If you ask me, the players don't want some wiggly, nubile teenager and her perky breasts bouncing, bouncing, bouncing across the table from them. It'd only serve as a distraction, and honestly, if you think some hottie's really got a shot at the next Pro Tour..."

Good Man of the Week: Trey "Mr. Integrity" Van Cleave (January 18, 2000)
...his careful, methodical style of play is starting to catch on. One of these days, a match is probably going to end in a draw, but until that day comes, Van Cleave's one-way ticket aboard the gravy train is perfectly valid and not at all suspicious in any way...

New Edition of OED Contains "Mise," "Ting," "STFU n00b" (May 16, 2001)
...MiseTings regulars were thrilled when the venerable Oxford English Dictionary released its latest list of neologisms. While there is clear cause to celebrate, many lament the notable absence of "yershit"...

MiseTings Server Crash Has "Nothing To Do With" FBI Raid (September 2, 2001)
"...sure, we're all very saddened that the MiseTings archives have been lost to history, but this couldn't be any less connected to the thing about all that supposed kiddie porn that was supposedly all over our servers, which was never found, by the way, thank you very much, because it never existed. No more questions..."

Gangsta Mages Demand Mo' Mana (June 17, 2002)
"...no we neva get enough / if a nigga pull the trigga / n' topdeck anotha kicka / I know we been scrizzied / when my brotha draw his wonda / wit no Island and no otha / damn I know we been scrizzied," Lebedowicz raged in his latest single. While unavaliable for comment, Osyp...

Garfield Cracks Open Imperial Hellkite (March 9, 2003)
...was ecstatic when he peeked at his rare and found the Dragon staring back at him. "I am like, so glad I saved up three bucks for this pack," said Garfield. "This is so going right next to my Shivan [in his Dragon deck]." Garfield was saddened that neither the Dragon nor the "totally shiny" foil Dripping Dead entered his collection in time for the Wizards Invitational, despite claims to the contrary that he didn't even have to own...

I hope the next fifteen years of subscription-based hilarity are just as good as the last! Thanks, MiseTings!

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!