Have you ever found yourself unsure about what deck to run at the Type 2 this weekend? Ever wonder if the Top 8 could have been yours if you had just gotten more good matchups? Or wonder if you will ever have a conversation with a female without having to give your credit card number first? Well fear not! Cavedan has returned and he is here to help.

Without further ado, I give you your Magic: the Gathering Weekly Horoscopes!

Aries: (March 21—April 19)
Though your latest home brew looks promising on paper, its mediocre showing against the 65-Maro deck does not bode well for your performance at States.

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
If she asks about your Pro Tour shirt, DO NOT say anything. Just smile, complement her eyes, and offer her another drink.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
Your persistent attempts to win over the author of The Platy Perspective will suffer a major setback this week, but do not despair – after all, a restraining order can’t stop true love.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
You will be robbed of almost certain victory this week when your opponent elects to shuffle your deck before each and every game.

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
Your lifelong dream of qualifying for the Pro Tour will finally be fulfilled this week, albeit at the request of the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
Your interpretation of how Isochron Scepter works is just as good as anybody else’s, right? Don’t let that mean old judge push you around.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
This weekend has great potential for romance for you, which is too bad since you’ll be spending it at Grand Prix: Lyon.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
Scorpio still can’t believe you mised that Wrath, you fucking lucksack noob.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
You will gain newfound respect for Bane of the Living this week when a giant insect kills your dad.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
Be wary of any morphs played against you this week, especially if it’s played by Kai – you never know what those shifty-eyed Krauts will try next.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
Expect a hefty medical bill this week, as Gerry Thompson will finally have you surgically removed from his nuts.

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
Though your hair is thinning rapidly and you have successfully gained 35 pounds, you are still several Pro Tour Top 8’s away from being heralded as “The Next Scott Johns.”

Hope that everything turns out for the best for all of you. If not, better luck next week!

cavedan
cavedan on Magic Online (obv)
cavedan199@yahoo.com

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Have you ever found yourself unsure about what deck to run at the Type 2 this weekend? Ever wonder if the Top 8 could have been yours if you had just gotten more good matchups? Or wonder if you will ever have a conversation with a female without having to give your credit card number first? Well fear not! Cavedan has returned and he is here to help.

Without further ado, I give you your Magic: the Gathering Weekly Horoscopes!

Aries: (March 21—April 19)
Though your latest home brew looks promising on paper, its mediocre showing against the 65-Maro deck does not bode well for your performance at States.

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
If she asks about your Pro Tour shirt, DO NOT say anything. Just smile, complement her eyes, and offer her another drink.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
Your persistent attempts to win over the author of The Platy Perspective will suffer a major setback this week, but do not despair – after all, a restraining order can’t stop true love.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
You will be robbed of almost certain victory this week when your opponent elects to shuffle your deck before each and every game.

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
Your lifelong dream of qualifying for the Pro Tour will finally be fulfilled this week, albeit at the request of the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
Your interpretation of how Isochron Scepter works is just as good as anybody else’s, right? Don’t let that mean old judge push you around.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
This weekend has great potential for romance for you, which is too bad since you’ll be spending it at Grand Prix: Lyon.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
Scorpio still can’t believe you mised that Wrath, you fucking lucksack noob.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
You will gain newfound respect for Bane of the Living this week when a giant insect kills your dad.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
Be wary of any morphs played against you this week, especially if it’s played by Kai – you never know what those shifty-eyed Krauts will try next.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
Expect a hefty medical bill this week, as Gerry Thompson will finally have you surgically removed from his nuts.

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
Though your hair is thinning rapidly and you have successfully gained 35 pounds, you are still several Pro Tour Top 8’s away from being heralded as “The Next Scott Johns.”

Hope that everything turns out for the best for all of you. If not, better luck next week!

cavedan
cavedan on Magic Online (obv)
cavedan199@yahoo.com

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!