MODO Mirrodin Migraines

By: RedOrder - November 25, 2003

Last night I logged onto MODO and jumped into an OLS draft to kill some time. I hadn’t logged on in a while, and it felt strange. My mind reeled, wondering, “Why the hell are my cards face down…oh, right, that morph thing.” I was largely unable to comprehend the strange borders and lack of silvery looking cards. It really felt like I hadn’t drafted Onslaught in months.

Oh, wait. That’s right. I haven’t, because in the real world, I’ve been drafting Mirrodin since September.

So last week we get a message from Randy Buehler that there are bugs in Mirrodin coding for Magic: Online. No shit? Bugs you say? With a new MODO expansion? That’s never happened before. The news, though, other than the fact that Wizards came up with the brilliant, novel idea to test their fucking code before ramrodding it up our noses like cocaine cut with too much baking soda, is that this is causing the release date to be pushed back. I mean, when making the trade rooms work logically bombed out, they dropped it on us. When Guerilla Tactics won the game for you because your opponent was discarding their own goddamned cards, Wizards loaded it on and prayed we didn’t notice anything was wrong. So for the release date to actually be pushed back . . . I can’t even comprehend the shit that must be going on with Mirrodin. I’m getting mental images of Crystal Shards acting like Upheaval, Atogs eating your opponent’s artifacts, and Mindslaver controlling Kai Budde’s turn while he’s drafting in the 1700 room and you’re playing casual constructed. I don’t even want to consider Entwine.

What kills me is the way they color this announcement. “Sometimes Beta Testing Goes Too Well.” I love it. Beta testing goes too well. The Beta testers have done a good job finding bugs, and have found “more bugs than we expected.” Do they pipe Nitrous Oxide into this guy’s office before he writes these reports? Finding too many bugs does not mean your Beta has gone “too well.” It means your goddamn programmers need to stop sitting around eating Twinkies and jerking off to animal porn. They need to do their job right.

Now let’s realize here that with some games, finding bugs during a beta test requires some skill. You have to dig around to find what can possibly fuck up. For this Mirrodin testing, however, you have an established program with established rules, that has worked correctly for well over a year until their brain surgeons thought “Gee, it can’t be that hard to build this shit. Why don’t we fire all of the people who birthed our brainchild and train some chimpanzees to program new card sets. They should have time to do that in-between flinging poo and pissing on themselves.” The beta testing involves playing the goddamn game the way it is meant to be played. This means that the problems are so gross, so blaring and so numerous, that their team of monkeys doesn’t have time to fix them all in the two weeks they have before the release.

I suppose I should be grateful that Wizards is taking time to test the sets before giving us a sandpaper enema this time. And hey, Fifth Dawn and, if we’re lucky, Darksteel may actually be out on MODO only four fucking weeks after the physical release. Yeah, I’m so excited my nipples are as hard as diamonds. Jesus.

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MiseTings is a Magic: the Gathering humor site. MiseTings.Com is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. MiseTings content does not represent the views or opinions of the editor. All original content herein is copyright © 2001-2006, World Wide Webware, all rights reserved. No portion of this web site may be used in any way without expressed written consent. Magic: The Gathering® is a registered trademark owned by Wizards of the Coast, Inc., a subsidiary of Hasbro, Inc. MiseTings is not produced or endorsed by Wizards of the Coast, Inc. We respect your privacy, interested parties should check our Privacy Policy. Play hard and mise often.

MODO Mirrodin Migraines - MiseTings

MODO Mirrodin Migraines

By: RedOrder - November 25, 2003

Last night I logged onto MODO and jumped into an OLS draft to kill some time. I hadn’t logged on in a while, and it felt strange. My mind reeled, wondering, “Why the hell are my cards face down…oh, right, that morph thing.” I was largely unable to comprehend the strange borders and lack of silvery looking cards. It really felt like I hadn’t drafted Onslaught in months.

Oh, wait. That’s right. I haven’t, because in the real world, I’ve been drafting Mirrodin since September.

So last week we get a message from Randy Buehler that there are bugs in Mirrodin coding for Magic: Online. No shit? Bugs you say? With a new MODO expansion? That’s never happened before. The news, though, other than the fact that Wizards came up with the brilliant, novel idea to test their fucking code before ramrodding it up our noses like cocaine cut with too much baking soda, is that this is causing the release date to be pushed back. I mean, when making the trade rooms work logically bombed out, they dropped it on us. When Guerilla Tactics won the game for you because your opponent was discarding their own goddamned cards, Wizards loaded it on and prayed we didn’t notice anything was wrong. So for the release date to actually be pushed back . . . I can’t even comprehend the shit that must be going on with Mirrodin. I’m getting mental images of Crystal Shards acting like Upheaval, Atogs eating your opponent’s artifacts, and Mindslaver controlling Kai Budde’s turn while he’s drafting in the 1700 room and you’re playing casual constructed. I don’t even want to consider Entwine.

What kills me is the way they color this announcement. “Sometimes Beta Testing Goes Too Well.” I love it. Beta testing goes too well. The Beta testers have done a good job finding bugs, and have found “more bugs than we expected.” Do they pipe Nitrous Oxide into this guy’s office before he writes these reports? Finding too many bugs does not mean your Beta has gone “too well.” It means your goddamn programmers need to stop sitting around eating Twinkies and jerking off to animal porn. They need to do their job right.

Now let’s realize here that with some games, finding bugs during a beta test requires some skill. You have to dig around to find what can possibly fuck up. For this Mirrodin testing, however, you have an established program with established rules, that has worked correctly for well over a year until their brain surgeons thought “Gee, it can’t be that hard to build this shit. Why don’t we fire all of the people who birthed our brainchild and train some chimpanzees to program new card sets. They should have time to do that in-between flinging poo and pissing on themselves.” The beta testing involves playing the goddamn game the way it is meant to be played. This means that the problems are so gross, so blaring and so numerous, that their team of monkeys doesn’t have time to fix them all in the two weeks they have before the release.

I suppose I should be grateful that Wizards is taking time to test the sets before giving us a sandpaper enema this time. And hey, Fifth Dawn and, if we’re lucky, Darksteel may actually be out on MODO only four fucking weeks after the physical release. Yeah, I’m so excited my nipples are as hard as diamonds. Jesus.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Related Stories

MiseTings is a Magic: the Gathering humor site. MiseTings.Com is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. MiseTings content does not represent the views or opinions of the editor. All original content herein is copyright © 2001-2006, World Wide Webware, all rights reserved. No portion of this web site may be used in any way without expressed written consent. Magic: The Gathering® is a registered trademark owned by Wizards of the Coast, Inc., a subsidiary of Hasbro, Inc. MiseTings is not produced or endorsed by Wizards of the Coast, Inc. We respect your privacy, interested parties should check our Privacy Policy. Play hard and mise often.