Military officials announced today that despite the current administration’s opinion on Saddam Hussein’s punishment, the war criminal would be reconciliated into society. He will undergo a serious reconciliation program, designed to help Saddam become a functioning member of society. He will have to complete tasks including:

• Assisting old women cross the road
• Working with the Boy Scout organization planning trips into the wilderness
• Assistant teaching high school chemistry classes, and
• Becoming a judge for Magic: The Gathering events

The last task is designed to be the hardest test, to insure that Saddam is ready to be released into society. Quoting directly from Major-General R. K. Grimey’s report:

“[Saddam]…will find it hard to cope in this complicated scenario. Surrounded by dirty, sweaty gamers, he will be forced to remain calm in all situations. There is also a high chance that the pure number of people repeatedly asking him how much time’s left in the round might drive him back to insanity. This proves less of a risk in this scenario, because if he does go on an insane killing rampage, chances are he’ll only get Magic players anyway.”

Saddam will first be asked to judge small events, where children are likely to be involved. New Zealand nationals will reportedly be the first event. He will then move on to more complicated events, such as the World Championships.



Saddam is right now being taught the rules and regulations for the game, and is at the time of writing grappling with beginning of upkeep effects and land destruction.

Players don’t seem to be moved by the idea. “Well, he’d just be like a normal judge, wouldn’t he?” said famous Pro player Kai Budde yesterday. “I suppose he might be less inclined to go out for a drink after the event, or trade me his Broodstars. Oh, do you happen to know how much time’s left in the round?”

If Saddam goes well in his judging, he may move on to other Magic-related professions. A major Magic website has already put forward a proposal.

“I think it’s a great opportunity for Magic. Saddam could perform many roles, including event reporting. He’d have to be very fast at decklist recording, though. And he’d have to pay for his own goddam bus ticket.” The owner of the website told us.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

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Military officials announced today that despite the current administration’s opinion on Saddam Hussein’s punishment, the war criminal would be reconciliated into society. He will undergo a serious reconciliation program, designed to help Saddam become a functioning member of society. He will have to complete tasks including:

• Assisting old women cross the road
• Working with the Boy Scout organization planning trips into the wilderness
• Assistant teaching high school chemistry classes, and
• Becoming a judge for Magic: The Gathering events

The last task is designed to be the hardest test, to insure that Saddam is ready to be released into society. Quoting directly from Major-General R. K. Grimey’s report:

“[Saddam]…will find it hard to cope in this complicated scenario. Surrounded by dirty, sweaty gamers, he will be forced to remain calm in all situations. There is also a high chance that the pure number of people repeatedly asking him how much time’s left in the round might drive him back to insanity. This proves less of a risk in this scenario, because if he does go on an insane killing rampage, chances are he’ll only get Magic players anyway.”

Saddam will first be asked to judge small events, where children are likely to be involved. New Zealand nationals will reportedly be the first event. He will then move on to more complicated events, such as the World Championships.



Saddam is right now being taught the rules and regulations for the game, and is at the time of writing grappling with beginning of upkeep effects and land destruction.

Players don’t seem to be moved by the idea. “Well, he’d just be like a normal judge, wouldn’t he?” said famous Pro player Kai Budde yesterday. “I suppose he might be less inclined to go out for a drink after the event, or trade me his Broodstars. Oh, do you happen to know how much time’s left in the round?”

If Saddam goes well in his judging, he may move on to other Magic-related professions. A major Magic website has already put forward a proposal.

“I think it’s a great opportunity for Magic. Saddam could perform many roles, including event reporting. He’d have to be very fast at decklist recording, though. And he’d have to pay for his own goddam bus ticket.” The owner of the website told us.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Related Stories

• Saddam To Return After 2-Month Suspension
• Iraq Refuses Deck Check
• Pakistan Adds 21 Red Mana To Mana Pool