Washington --- Just short of a year after the first, the second "You Make the Card" was announced. While the first you-made card, Forgotten Ancient, had a compelling name, flavor and mechanic, Fifth Dawn's card, Crucible of Worlds, is a flavor nightmare.

The card, Crucible of Worlds, features a large hourglass dwarfing a solar system. How such an hourglass might be fabricated is anyone's guess, but of more concern is how, exactly, the card became named "crucible." Before the name was chosen, a poll decided that the card would be represented by an hourglass, and a sketch of an hourglass was selected. A crucible is a ceramic container which may be heated to burn off impurities in a sample, which, if you didn't notice, has absolutely nothing to do with an hourglass. In fact, of the ten entries for possible names, including "Genesis Timer," "Glass of Seasons," and "Aeonglass," "Crucible of Worlds" was the only option which did not in any way represent an hourglass.

"Well, look," explained Wizards of the Coast Employee Mark Rosewater. "It was a spiffy name and I figured it couldn't hurt to include it. How was I supposed to know that people wouldn't be able to tell a timepiece from a tiny ceramic bowl? A recent study showed that nearly 70% of our readers can tell their own asses from their elbows." An exasperated MaRo sighed. "Would you rather I designed the card?"

The flavor text on the card is similarly retarded. "Amidst the darkest ashes grow the strongest seeds," reads the new card. The first inconsistency one might note is that hourglasses don't burn anything, and although it is called a crucible, it is clearly an hourglass. Furthermore, one might note that seeds don't grow in ash, because it is devoid of nutrients, as they were burned off in the ash-making process.

"I just don't get it," explained noted Spermatologist Jack Hannon when summoned to a panel of experts. "Most seeds are dried out and made useless by heat. Go ahead, plant a baked bean or some corn on the cob. Nothing. The only seeds that can grow after being superheated are the ones from conifers, and those aren't seeds, since they're from conifers. No, it doesn't make any sense at all."

An on-hand representative of the New York/New Jersey Trail Conference then explained that poorly-built campfires easily scorch the ground on which they are built, not only killing any seeds and plants already growing on the ground nearby, but leaving plants unable to grow for as long as several decades.

"Why would there be seeds in a crucible?" asked my high school chemistry teacher, when consulted. "And didn't you say it was an hourglass? That's retarded, boy. Seeds in a crucible that tells time. You can't use a crucible to tell time."

Lastly, it should be noted that the Crucible of Worlds appears to turn twisted, dead wood into vibrant jungle. Neither hourglasses--which only alter the position of their contents--nor crucibles--which burn and would rather work the other way, killing off existing jungle--could possibly have this property. Although this may be the magical property of the crucible, most players had suspended too much disbelief already in accepting that it was a crucible that doubled as a timepiece which dwarfs solar systems. "That's retarded," commented local boy Billy Stewart. "Really retarded."

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

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Washington --- Just short of a year after the first, the second "You Make the Card" was announced. While the first you-made card, Forgotten Ancient, had a compelling name, flavor and mechanic, Fifth Dawn's card, Crucible of Worlds, is a flavor nightmare.

The card, Crucible of Worlds, features a large hourglass dwarfing a solar system. How such an hourglass might be fabricated is anyone's guess, but of more concern is how, exactly, the card became named "crucible." Before the name was chosen, a poll decided that the card would be represented by an hourglass, and a sketch of an hourglass was selected. A crucible is a ceramic container which may be heated to burn off impurities in a sample, which, if you didn't notice, has absolutely nothing to do with an hourglass. In fact, of the ten entries for possible names, including "Genesis Timer," "Glass of Seasons," and "Aeonglass," "Crucible of Worlds" was the only option which did not in any way represent an hourglass.

"Well, look," explained Wizards of the Coast Employee Mark Rosewater. "It was a spiffy name and I figured it couldn't hurt to include it. How was I supposed to know that people wouldn't be able to tell a timepiece from a tiny ceramic bowl? A recent study showed that nearly 70% of our readers can tell their own asses from their elbows." An exasperated MaRo sighed. "Would you rather I designed the card?"

The flavor text on the card is similarly retarded. "Amidst the darkest ashes grow the strongest seeds," reads the new card. The first inconsistency one might note is that hourglasses don't burn anything, and although it is called a crucible, it is clearly an hourglass. Furthermore, one might note that seeds don't grow in ash, because it is devoid of nutrients, as they were burned off in the ash-making process.

"I just don't get it," explained noted Spermatologist Jack Hannon when summoned to a panel of experts. "Most seeds are dried out and made useless by heat. Go ahead, plant a baked bean or some corn on the cob. Nothing. The only seeds that can grow after being superheated are the ones from conifers, and those aren't seeds, since they're from conifers. No, it doesn't make any sense at all."

An on-hand representative of the New York/New Jersey Trail Conference then explained that poorly-built campfires easily scorch the ground on which they are built, not only killing any seeds and plants already growing on the ground nearby, but leaving plants unable to grow for as long as several decades.

"Why would there be seeds in a crucible?" asked my high school chemistry teacher, when consulted. "And didn't you say it was an hourglass? That's retarded, boy. Seeds in a crucible that tells time. You can't use a crucible to tell time."

Lastly, it should be noted that the Crucible of Worlds appears to turn twisted, dead wood into vibrant jungle. Neither hourglasses--which only alter the position of their contents--nor crucibles--which burn and would rather work the other way, killing off existing jungle--could possibly have this property. Although this may be the magical property of the crucible, most players had suspended too much disbelief already in accepting that it was a crucible that doubled as a timepiece which dwarfs solar systems. "That's retarded," commented local boy Billy Stewart. "Really retarded."

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Related Stories

• You Make the Card of the Week - Recap
• Flavor Text Writer Still Congratulating Self Over Deep Analysis
• Thousands of Magic Players Fail to Win Invitational, Get to Design Card Anyway