Niles, IL – A story told by local Magic player Clark Wienis about his experience at the Coldsnap prerelease was clearly made up, according to his friends. "I really don’t think anything he told me about the Coldsnap prerelease actually happened," said David Worth, a student in one of Wienis’s classes. "From what cards were in his deck, to his record, to how his games played out, it was probably a lie from start to finish."

Wienis's story involved having no bomb rares, playing pros throughout the event, and repeatedly getting mana-screwed, which resulted in him going 3-2 and dropping. Deck registration showed Wienis having two copies of Adarkar Valkyrie in his deck, as well as Phyrexian Soulgorger, two Martyrs of Sands, and Mouth of Ronom as the only card capable of producing snow mana. His sideboard included three copies of Skred, one copy of Magmatic Core, and four Snow-covered Mountains.

Wienis explained his deck as "Working with the worst pile of cards I'd seen, but still pulling out a few matches, and almost winning. I just got really unlucky." In fact, Wienis drew his Mouth of Ronom every game he drew one of his Boreal Griffins, and always rippled into his second copy of Surging Aether.

Wienis claimed that he finally beat his "archrival," local pro player Gadiel Szleifer, who is unaware of Wienis's existence and did not attend the Coldsnap prerelease. Wienis's friend Worth reports, "He was telling me how Gadiel was tapped out since he had played a Lightning Serpent last turn that JUST BARELY didn't kill him. I heard that and I was like, yeah, sure, whatever, but then he starts telling me about how he finally drew his Ronom Unicorn to kill his opponent’s Gelid Shackles so he could swing for the win with his Phyrexian Soulgorger. I told him that if his opponent were tapped out, he couldn't activate the Shackles to give the Soulgorger defender. He said something retarded like, 'Oh, yeah, he had enough snow creatures to sacrifice to his Thermopod to give it defender.' Then I said, 'You know, it keeps defender for the turn, even if the Shackles are removed.' He said, 'Yeah, I know, I meant, I swung for the win next turn.'

Then [my friend] John [Veritas] said, 'What the fuck did you have Soulgorger in your deck for? That card is shit.' Wienis said, 'I didn't have it main; I sided it in against him because I didn't think he could handle artifact creatures. Also, I had a lot of creatures in my deck, so I could pay its upkeep.'" Wienis's deck registration sheet shows his deck contained only ten creatures in its maindeck, including Phyrexian Soulgorger. A report of Wienis's matches show him going 0-2 and entering a side draft, in which he defeated a 7-year old girl before losing in the second round.

According to Dr. David Whiteley, a psychologist at the University of Chicago, Wienis's stories are not uncommon. "Many of us embellish details in our stories. It has been shown that our stories sacrifice a little truth every time we tell them, but we also become better storytellers as we do this. This is especially the case where people with no skills, friends, or feeling of self-worth modify their past to show themselves as victims of circumstance." When asked about Wienis in particular, Dr. Whiteley shed a single tear, saying, "What a sad little man."

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Niles, IL – A story told by local Magic player Clark Wienis about his experience at the Coldsnap prerelease was clearly made up, according to his friends. "I really don’t think anything he told me about the Coldsnap prerelease actually happened," said David Worth, a student in one of Wienis’s classes. "From what cards were in his deck, to his record, to how his games played out, it was probably a lie from start to finish."

Wienis's story involved having no bomb rares, playing pros throughout the event, and repeatedly getting mana-screwed, which resulted in him going 3-2 and dropping. Deck registration showed Wienis having two copies of Adarkar Valkyrie in his deck, as well as Phyrexian Soulgorger, two Martyrs of Sands, and Mouth of Ronom as the only card capable of producing snow mana. His sideboard included three copies of Skred, one copy of Magmatic Core, and four Snow-covered Mountains.

Wienis explained his deck as "Working with the worst pile of cards I'd seen, but still pulling out a few matches, and almost winning. I just got really unlucky." In fact, Wienis drew his Mouth of Ronom every game he drew one of his Boreal Griffins, and always rippled into his second copy of Surging Aether.

Wienis claimed that he finally beat his "archrival," local pro player Gadiel Szleifer, who is unaware of Wienis's existence and did not attend the Coldsnap prerelease. Wienis's friend Worth reports, "He was telling me how Gadiel was tapped out since he had played a Lightning Serpent last turn that JUST BARELY didn't kill him. I heard that and I was like, yeah, sure, whatever, but then he starts telling me about how he finally drew his Ronom Unicorn to kill his opponent’s Gelid Shackles so he could swing for the win with his Phyrexian Soulgorger. I told him that if his opponent were tapped out, he couldn't activate the Shackles to give the Soulgorger defender. He said something retarded like, 'Oh, yeah, he had enough snow creatures to sacrifice to his Thermopod to give it defender.' Then I said, 'You know, it keeps defender for the turn, even if the Shackles are removed.' He said, 'Yeah, I know, I meant, I swung for the win next turn.'

Then [my friend] John [Veritas] said, 'What the fuck did you have Soulgorger in your deck for? That card is shit.' Wienis said, 'I didn't have it main; I sided it in against him because I didn't think he could handle artifact creatures. Also, I had a lot of creatures in my deck, so I could pay its upkeep.'" Wienis's deck registration sheet shows his deck contained only ten creatures in its maindeck, including Phyrexian Soulgorger. A report of Wienis's matches show him going 0-2 and entering a side draft, in which he defeated a 7-year old girl before losing in the second round.

According to Dr. David Whiteley, a psychologist at the University of Chicago, Wienis's stories are not uncommon. "Many of us embellish details in our stories. It has been shown that our stories sacrifice a little truth every time we tell them, but we also become better storytellers as we do this. This is especially the case where people with no skills, friends, or feeling of self-worth modify their past to show themselves as victims of circumstance." When asked about Wienis in particular, Dr. Whiteley shed a single tear, saying, "What a sad little man."

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Related Stories

• Area Man Spends Prerelease Trying to Make Orzhov Pun
• Jeff Cunningham Writes Entirely False Article, Corrects Next Week
• Mike Long Admits “My Story” Complete Lie