Rochester, NY -- Local Magic player Randy Svenson, who plays casual group-games with three friends every Friday night, has finally grown weary of masturbating to the longtime Magic sexual icon, Serra Angel. Svenson, who has played Magic with his friends since the summer of 1995, has masturbated to the 4/4 flier an estimated 920 times since he first opened one from a 4th edition booster pack. The Angel has been the object of his affection in a nearly uninterrupted span ever since, broken only by the two-week rule of the female picture of Elvish Ranger in August 1996.

According to Svenson, who at 26 still lives in his parents' basement and works at the local Food Max, there have been several promising cards which stood to dethrone the Serra at an earlier date, but they fell far short of expectations. "When I saw the spoiler for Invasion, I got real excited, because there were both Sisay and Hanna cards in the set. In the novels, both are made out to be real foxy bitches, you catch my drift? But when I saw the cards, I was real let down, man. You can't even SEE Sisay's rack, and Hanna is in like this armor suit and she's shooting some shit. So there goes that." Svenson then took a drag from his cigarette and commented, "Those bastards didn't even make a card for that hot Phyrexian chick, Belbe. I mean, gimme a fucking break."

Since the release of Odyssey, however, Svenson has taken a liking to Iridescent Angel. "She doesn't show the goods like Serra does, but she's still an Angel, and she definitely wins in a fight." He has also been masturbating heavily to Britney Spears' latest music video.

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Rochester, NY -- Local Magic player Randy Svenson, who plays casual group-games with three friends every Friday night, has finally grown weary of masturbating to the longtime Magic sexual icon, Serra Angel. Svenson, who has played Magic with his friends since the summer of 1995, has masturbated to the 4/4 flier an estimated 920 times since he first opened one from a 4th edition booster pack. The Angel has been the object of his affection in a nearly uninterrupted span ever since, broken only by the two-week rule of the female picture of Elvish Ranger in August 1996.

According to Svenson, who at 26 still lives in his parents' basement and works at the local Food Max, there have been several promising cards which stood to dethrone the Serra at an earlier date, but they fell far short of expectations. "When I saw the spoiler for Invasion, I got real excited, because there were both Sisay and Hanna cards in the set. In the novels, both are made out to be real foxy bitches, you catch my drift? But when I saw the cards, I was real let down, man. You can't even SEE Sisay's rack, and Hanna is in like this armor suit and she's shooting some shit. So there goes that." Svenson then took a drag from his cigarette and commented, "Those bastards didn't even make a card for that hot Phyrexian chick, Belbe. I mean, gimme a fucking break."

Since the release of Odyssey, however, Svenson has taken a liking to Iridescent Angel. "She doesn't show the goods like Serra does, but she's still an Angel, and she definitely wins in a fight." He has also been masturbating heavily to Britney Spears' latest music video.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!