Seattle Creek, Michigan -- Local Magic player Terry Szatkowski recently stabbed out his own eyes with an icepick after visiting CCGPrime.com. The website has angered and annoyed many readers since it was opened, but this is the first case of a reader inflicting pain on himself as a result.

“I really don’t have any regrets” commented Szatkowski, as he sat up in his bed, with two pieces of cotton pressed against his empty eye sockets. “I mean the way I see it, I won’t have to read another CCGPrime.com article again. Sure, I can’t really watch television, and I don’t know how I’ll be able to do my job anymore. In fact, playing Magic will probably be pretty tough too. But to me, it’s a reasonable sacrifice to make.”

For more than a year now, CCGPrime.com has frustrated Magic players by stating the painfully obvious, making brash comments that are false, and containing plenty of errors in design and editing. Szatkowski voiced his disapproval of the site’s design. “The page title says “A Differant View”. What the fuck is that? You’re so ‘differant’ that you’re not going to even bother to spell the word properly? The worst part is, the page title has said that for over a year now. Who knows, maybe I can donate what’s left of my eyes, and use the proceeds to buy Dan Rowland (Owner of CCGPrime.com) a spellchecker.”

A recent incident saw the upstanding citizens of TeamAcademy.com send in their own strategy article entitled “The Art of Sideboarding and the Opponent” by Larry Wetcher. It offers many nuggets of wisdom which should have been edited out such as:

“Flametongue Kavu 2R
Creature Kavu 4/2
When Flametongue comes into play, deal 4 damage to target creature.

Flametongues are a very powerful card. But what all the pros fail to realize are that its only good vs. Decks with creatures.”

Mike Flores, who probably really isn’t a “pro”, put in his own two cents. “I was so excited! Flametongue Kavu for three mana? What a gassy tight mise of a beating! Then it turned out to be a fake article. Frown.”

Another instant classic recently posted to the site is “Efficient Creatures in Standard” by Ron Soller. This article states that Krosan Avenger is a “a real good card, especially if you have reached Threshold. This could see some tournament play in the not so distant future.” Additional words of wisdom let the reader know that Sulam Djinn is a “Great potential finisher, if the majority of your deck is running red creatures”, and that Giant Cockroach is “Splashable and dangerous, this card can deliver massive beats if you can keep the road clear.” Another unfortunate result of this article is that “glass jaw” has now become a part of Magic slang.

Szatkowski is quick to point out that he isn’t trying to set an example for anyone else. “Sure, I could have decided to just not visit the site anymore. For me, that just wasn’t good enough. The doctors tell me I will never see again...but that includes never seeing CCGPrime.com again, so it’s well worth it.”

Dan Rowland, Editor in Chief of CCGPrime.com was not available for comment, although rumors have been circulating that he plans to use this incident to promote his website. A new, proposed page title and slogan is “CCGPrime.com: We Make you Envy Blind People”, although other staff members are hesitant to replace the classic “A Differant View”.

- RTW

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Seattle Creek, Michigan -- Local Magic player Terry Szatkowski recently stabbed out his own eyes with an icepick after visiting CCGPrime.com. The website has angered and annoyed many readers since it was opened, but this is the first case of a reader inflicting pain on himself as a result.

“I really don’t have any regrets” commented Szatkowski, as he sat up in his bed, with two pieces of cotton pressed against his empty eye sockets. “I mean the way I see it, I won’t have to read another CCGPrime.com article again. Sure, I can’t really watch television, and I don’t know how I’ll be able to do my job anymore. In fact, playing Magic will probably be pretty tough too. But to me, it’s a reasonable sacrifice to make.”

For more than a year now, CCGPrime.com has frustrated Magic players by stating the painfully obvious, making brash comments that are false, and containing plenty of errors in design and editing. Szatkowski voiced his disapproval of the site’s design. “The page title says “A Differant View”. What the fuck is that? You’re so ‘differant’ that you’re not going to even bother to spell the word properly? The worst part is, the page title has said that for over a year now. Who knows, maybe I can donate what’s left of my eyes, and use the proceeds to buy Dan Rowland (Owner of CCGPrime.com) a spellchecker.”

A recent incident saw the upstanding citizens of TeamAcademy.com send in their own strategy article entitled “The Art of Sideboarding and the Opponent” by Larry Wetcher. It offers many nuggets of wisdom which should have been edited out such as:

“Flametongue Kavu 2R
Creature Kavu 4/2
When Flametongue comes into play, deal 4 damage to target creature.

Flametongues are a very powerful card. But what all the pros fail to realize are that its only good vs. Decks with creatures.”

Mike Flores, who probably really isn’t a “pro”, put in his own two cents. “I was so excited! Flametongue Kavu for three mana? What a gassy tight mise of a beating! Then it turned out to be a fake article. Frown.”

Another instant classic recently posted to the site is “Efficient Creatures in Standard” by Ron Soller. This article states that Krosan Avenger is a “a real good card, especially if you have reached Threshold. This could see some tournament play in the not so distant future.” Additional words of wisdom let the reader know that Sulam Djinn is a “Great potential finisher, if the majority of your deck is running red creatures”, and that Giant Cockroach is “Splashable and dangerous, this card can deliver massive beats if you can keep the road clear.” Another unfortunate result of this article is that “glass jaw” has now become a part of Magic slang.

Szatkowski is quick to point out that he isn’t trying to set an example for anyone else. “Sure, I could have decided to just not visit the site anymore. For me, that just wasn’t good enough. The doctors tell me I will never see again...but that includes never seeing CCGPrime.com again, so it’s well worth it.”

Dan Rowland, Editor in Chief of CCGPrime.com was not available for comment, although rumors have been circulating that he plans to use this incident to promote his website. A new, proposed page title and slogan is “CCGPrime.com: We Make you Envy Blind People”, although other staff members are hesitant to replace the classic “A Differant View”.

- RTW

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!