Today we are going to delve into the mind of a not-so-good magic player. These are the people we refer to as scrubs. We will be using our local scrub, we'll call him "Joe Smith", as a prime example. Lets see what he has to say in this intense interview.

Veers: Do you think about anything when building decks? Anything at all?

Joe Smith: Usually I start by copying someone else's deck, removing most of the playable cards for bad cards. Then I add 4 Shadow Mages because they're expensive, so they must be good, same thing for Urza's rage.

Veers: When you first sit down for round one of a tournament do you realize that you opponent is usually marking this round down as a win before he/she even plays you? How does this make you feel?

Joe Smith: Usually, I am not concerned with winning. I am positive I will win as long as I call my opponent enough profane words. This is usually what puts me on my winning edge.

Veers: In the end what makes you even enter your local FNM tournaments every week, knowing you have no chance at all of winning? Don't you feel your 5 bucks would be better spent paying someone to kick you in the nuts?

Joe Smith: Most people find they would like to kick me in the nuts for free, so I see no point in paying them to do something that they will do anyway.

Veers: Why is it that when faced with a decision on whether to counterspell something or not you make the wrong decision, without fail?

Joe Smith: I think i use my counterspells wisely. I think it is necessary to foil the first turn birds, since they may attack with it second turn and then giant growth it. As for not countering a blastoderm, it is very easy to stop in comparision to a birds. It leaves play in 3 turns. That is only 3 creatures i have to chump off, while a birds stay for a while, and it flies. Obviously a bigger threat. You have to weigh out your options, a bird is a mana source and a creature, while as for burst and derms, they are only creatures, and they fade away in a couple turns.

Veers: I think what we all want to know is, Why do you play with the cards you do? Is it not obvious Blastoderm is better then Saber Ants?

Joe Smith: What's a Blastoderm again?

Veers: One final question for you, "Joe Smith", this is a general question about all scrubs. Are you so bad because of lack of practice and training, or is it just a total lack of skill?

Joe Smith: Since I own 4 of every card, and have foils of most of them I obviously donŐt need to practice.

On a final note, I'd like to send out a heart felt thank you to all you scrubs out there. Because of you the good players get better, while you fall into an endless cycle of losing, yet your persistence is admirable, a little strange, but admirable. So keep entering those tournaments, and don't ever practice, for you are a scrub.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Today we are going to delve into the mind of a not-so-good magic player. These are the people we refer to as scrubs. We will be using our local scrub, we'll call him "Joe Smith", as a prime example. Lets see what he has to say in this intense interview.

Veers: Do you think about anything when building decks? Anything at all?

Joe Smith: Usually I start by copying someone else's deck, removing most of the playable cards for bad cards. Then I add 4 Shadow Mages because they're expensive, so they must be good, same thing for Urza's rage.

Veers: When you first sit down for round one of a tournament do you realize that you opponent is usually marking this round down as a win before he/she even plays you? How does this make you feel?

Joe Smith: Usually, I am not concerned with winning. I am positive I will win as long as I call my opponent enough profane words. This is usually what puts me on my winning edge.

Veers: In the end what makes you even enter your local FNM tournaments every week, knowing you have no chance at all of winning? Don't you feel your 5 bucks would be better spent paying someone to kick you in the nuts?

Joe Smith: Most people find they would like to kick me in the nuts for free, so I see no point in paying them to do something that they will do anyway.

Veers: Why is it that when faced with a decision on whether to counterspell something or not you make the wrong decision, without fail?

Joe Smith: I think i use my counterspells wisely. I think it is necessary to foil the first turn birds, since they may attack with it second turn and then giant growth it. As for not countering a blastoderm, it is very easy to stop in comparision to a birds. It leaves play in 3 turns. That is only 3 creatures i have to chump off, while a birds stay for a while, and it flies. Obviously a bigger threat. You have to weigh out your options, a bird is a mana source and a creature, while as for burst and derms, they are only creatures, and they fade away in a couple turns.

Veers: I think what we all want to know is, Why do you play with the cards you do? Is it not obvious Blastoderm is better then Saber Ants?

Joe Smith: What's a Blastoderm again?

Veers: One final question for you, "Joe Smith", this is a general question about all scrubs. Are you so bad because of lack of practice and training, or is it just a total lack of skill?

Joe Smith: Since I own 4 of every card, and have foils of most of them I obviously donŐt need to practice.

On a final note, I'd like to send out a heart felt thank you to all you scrubs out there. Because of you the good players get better, while you fall into an endless cycle of losing, yet your persistence is admirable, a little strange, but admirable. So keep entering those tournaments, and don't ever practice, for you are a scrub.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!