Dear Flores,

I've been happily married for five years and I really love my wife, but lately I think she's cheating on me. We rarely have sex anymore and she's spending a lot of time with my best friend, who has always seemed to be attracted to her. Is she cheating, or am I just being paranoid?

-Heartbroken in Houston

Dear Heartbroken,

Frown. What a savage beating that is. It would be tight if your wife would be more open, but is she? N! You need to sit down with her, and hopefully mise some information. If your best friend is banging your wife, you should really serve on his face with some vicious beatings.

Dear Flores,

My boyfriend has always been a little odd, but lately I think he's become gay, or bisexual. He just doesn't seem interested in me anymore, and spends days at a time without being in touch with me. Did I do something to make him act this way, or do you think he was gay before I met him?

-Confused in Columbus

Dear Confused,

So your boyfriend likes men? What's the problem? Men are great! I always swing with my men! My men are the most savage team to ever apply tings! Look at my men, now they're turning sideways! Into the red zone...uh, yer dead! Mise!

Dear Flores,

Recently, my boyfriend lost his job, and went back home to live with his parents. I do love him, but I can't help but feel like he's a loser. Is it ok to feel this way, or am I being too materialistic?

-Worried in Worchester

Dear Worried,

Who lives with their parents? I mean seriously! What the?! Who dates a scrub like that? Look, lose the stick, and mise a gassy guy.

- RTW

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Dear Flores,

I've been happily married for five years and I really love my wife, but lately I think she's cheating on me. We rarely have sex anymore and she's spending a lot of time with my best friend, who has always seemed to be attracted to her. Is she cheating, or am I just being paranoid?

-Heartbroken in Houston

Dear Heartbroken,

Frown. What a savage beating that is. It would be tight if your wife would be more open, but is she? N! You need to sit down with her, and hopefully mise some information. If your best friend is banging your wife, you should really serve on his face with some vicious beatings.

Dear Flores,

My boyfriend has always been a little odd, but lately I think he's become gay, or bisexual. He just doesn't seem interested in me anymore, and spends days at a time without being in touch with me. Did I do something to make him act this way, or do you think he was gay before I met him?

-Confused in Columbus

Dear Confused,

So your boyfriend likes men? What's the problem? Men are great! I always swing with my men! My men are the most savage team to ever apply tings! Look at my men, now they're turning sideways! Into the red zone...uh, yer dead! Mise!

Dear Flores,

Recently, my boyfriend lost his job, and went back home to live with his parents. I do love him, but I can't help but feel like he's a loser. Is it ok to feel this way, or am I being too materialistic?

-Worried in Worchester

Dear Worried,

Who lives with their parents? I mean seriously! What the?! Who dates a scrub like that? Look, lose the stick, and mise a gassy guy.

- RTW

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!