Wizards of the Coast, unbeknownst to the Magic community, has been doing a study of the long-term effects of foil cards on Magic players of different skill level. Players of varying ability according to DCI rating were used for these tests. The results are alarming. See how they affect you.

On the below average Magic player with a DCI ranking of 1550 or lower, the glossy sheen on the foil cards induced an addictive reaction, causing many players to reach for the cards time and again despite the electro-static shock delivered to their brains every time one was touched. There is also evidence that the synthetic product used to adhere the foil to the cardboard will cause a lack of strategic thinking and inability to “Top-deck”. It has also been determined prolonged electro-static shock can cause brain cancer.

For a Magic player with a DCI rating of 1550 to 1850 the effect was minimal in that the foils were only acquired from our scientists in order to hand them to the lower ranked players, causing them to be shocked repeatedly. The effect of the foils on these players was the inability to win a tournament, causing them to come in 5th through 8th place in any given even. Very little brain cancer or other harmful effects were discovered in players of this rating level, however the chances of infectious disease increased 34.568% when a player of this rating was removed from their environment and introduced to another, lower ranked, environment.

It is assumed that a player with a rating of 1850 or higher will have no desires to associate themselves with Foil magic cards. No extreme testing was done on these players because of their exceptional rating, however. It has therefore been determined a player with a rating above 1850 is immune to the negative effects of Wizards. Due to the lack of testing on these players more electro-static testing was done on the lower ranked players.

Wizards of the coast is asking all players to check your ratings often and take precautions when opening packs, and trading for cards. Wizards of the Coast will not be held responsible for any harmful effects caused by there cards and states that by reading this article you have waived all rights to take action against Wizards of the Coast.

- Veers21

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Wizards of the Coast, unbeknownst to the Magic community, has been doing a study of the long-term effects of foil cards on Magic players of different skill level. Players of varying ability according to DCI rating were used for these tests. The results are alarming. See how they affect you.

On the below average Magic player with a DCI ranking of 1550 or lower, the glossy sheen on the foil cards induced an addictive reaction, causing many players to reach for the cards time and again despite the electro-static shock delivered to their brains every time one was touched. There is also evidence that the synthetic product used to adhere the foil to the cardboard will cause a lack of strategic thinking and inability to “Top-deck”. It has also been determined prolonged electro-static shock can cause brain cancer.

For a Magic player with a DCI rating of 1550 to 1850 the effect was minimal in that the foils were only acquired from our scientists in order to hand them to the lower ranked players, causing them to be shocked repeatedly. The effect of the foils on these players was the inability to win a tournament, causing them to come in 5th through 8th place in any given even. Very little brain cancer or other harmful effects were discovered in players of this rating level, however the chances of infectious disease increased 34.568% when a player of this rating was removed from their environment and introduced to another, lower ranked, environment.

It is assumed that a player with a rating of 1850 or higher will have no desires to associate themselves with Foil magic cards. No extreme testing was done on these players because of their exceptional rating, however. It has therefore been determined a player with a rating above 1850 is immune to the negative effects of Wizards. Due to the lack of testing on these players more electro-static testing was done on the lower ranked players.

Wizards of the coast is asking all players to check your ratings often and take precautions when opening packs, and trading for cards. Wizards of the Coast will not be held responsible for any harmful effects caused by there cards and states that by reading this article you have waived all rights to take action against Wizards of the Coast.

- Veers21

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!