Middlebury, Vermont — Beloved internet writer and Magic personality Jamie Wakefield has risen from the dead, sources say. Following his unexpected and little publicized demise two years ago, stories of Wakefield sightings and sham-interviews have filled the media. However, reports out of Middlebury, Vermont say that the famed spellcaster has climbed out of his unmarked grave and now exists somewhere between life and death, driven by a relentless desire for human flesh.

According to his neighbors, the Zombie Wakefield had this to say: "Please get off my lawn." He then went inside, possibly to shamble around aimlessly.

"I'm not sure what to think." said Middlebury resident and pederast Ira J. Cashgrab. "I mean, we don't even know what *KIND* of zombie he is. Conventional wisdom says that we should attack the brain, whether with guns or fireplace pokers. But if that fails, what then? What if he creates some sort of zombie horde?"

Speculation mounts as to whether the self-proclaimed King of the Fatties will be selecting only the most corpulent to populate his land of the living dead. Authorities are calling for calm. Middlebury Mayor Tony Todd has asked the populace to seek shelter and remain there until notified.

Said Todd, "I know that Wakefield is a messiah to many, myself included, but that does not mean that his escaping death's clutches is anything short of catastrophic. Above all, and I can't stress this enough, do NOT go to his house and celebrate. The holiday you are thinking of is Easter, not Christmas, and the Jesus I know didn't bust out of his tomb thirsty for brains."

This marks the second Magic Celebrity to shed the cold of the tomb's embrace since former World Champion Alexander Blumke rose to devour the flesh of the living earlier this year. Sega, manufacturers of the popular arcade game Altered Beast could not be reached for comment.

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Middlebury, Vermont — Beloved internet writer and Magic personality Jamie Wakefield has risen from the dead, sources say. Following his unexpected and little publicized demise two years ago, stories of Wakefield sightings and sham-interviews have filled the media. However, reports out of Middlebury, Vermont say that the famed spellcaster has climbed out of his unmarked grave and now exists somewhere between life and death, driven by a relentless desire for human flesh.

According to his neighbors, the Zombie Wakefield had this to say: "Please get off my lawn." He then went inside, possibly to shamble around aimlessly.

"I'm not sure what to think." said Middlebury resident and pederast Ira J. Cashgrab. "I mean, we don't even know what *KIND* of zombie he is. Conventional wisdom says that we should attack the brain, whether with guns or fireplace pokers. But if that fails, what then? What if he creates some sort of zombie horde?"

Speculation mounts as to whether the self-proclaimed King of the Fatties will be selecting only the most corpulent to populate his land of the living dead. Authorities are calling for calm. Middlebury Mayor Tony Todd has asked the populace to seek shelter and remain there until notified.

Said Todd, "I know that Wakefield is a messiah to many, myself included, but that does not mean that his escaping death's clutches is anything short of catastrophic. Above all, and I can't stress this enough, do NOT go to his house and celebrate. The holiday you are thinking of is Easter, not Christmas, and the Jesus I know didn't bust out of his tomb thirsty for brains."

This marks the second Magic Celebrity to shed the cold of the tomb's embrace since former World Champion Alexander Blumke rose to devour the flesh of the living earlier this year. Sega, manufacturers of the popular arcade game Altered Beast could not be reached for comment.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!