The next Magic The Gathering expansion set, named "Torment", is now suspected to be a disguised plea for help by the beleaguered and overwrought Research and Development team at Wizards of the Coast. Forced to churn out new and innovative expansions at an almost unbelievable rate, working conditions at the WotC department have declined to almost medieval standards.

The set contains a huge number of black cards, the simplest and surest sign of the R&D staff's overwhelming depression. In addition, the inclusion of the sadistic Cabal storyline and mechanics named Madness and Nightmare paint a bleak picture of life in the R&D slave pits. Many experts suspect that the R&D staff identify themselves as the storyline's Dementia Summoners, forced by dark powers to constantly conjure up freakish monsters for the entertainment purposes of an uncaring public.

Gary Bowles, noted game psychologist, had the following comments. "It seems clear to me that Magic's R&D staff are clinging to their last shreds of sanity. Just look at all this dark imagery! The rigorous set release schedules, the throngs of complaints about colors getting screwed, chaff rares, and pre-built decks, the stench of foul decay in what passes for their office—no one could endure that sane. They obviously designed this latest set in attempt to communicate their agony to their callous tormentors. And doesn't that Chainer fellow remind you of Mark Rosewater?"

Hasbro executives could not be reached for comment. Misetings reporters attempted to contact some of the R&D staff to get their view, but were turned away from their dungeon office by large men wearing executioners masks.

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The next Magic The Gathering expansion set, named "Torment", is now suspected to be a disguised plea for help by the beleaguered and overwrought Research and Development team at Wizards of the Coast. Forced to churn out new and innovative expansions at an almost unbelievable rate, working conditions at the WotC department have declined to almost medieval standards.

The set contains a huge number of black cards, the simplest and surest sign of the R&D staff's overwhelming depression. In addition, the inclusion of the sadistic Cabal storyline and mechanics named Madness and Nightmare paint a bleak picture of life in the R&D slave pits. Many experts suspect that the R&D staff identify themselves as the storyline's Dementia Summoners, forced by dark powers to constantly conjure up freakish monsters for the entertainment purposes of an uncaring public.

Gary Bowles, noted game psychologist, had the following comments. "It seems clear to me that Magic's R&D staff are clinging to their last shreds of sanity. Just look at all this dark imagery! The rigorous set release schedules, the throngs of complaints about colors getting screwed, chaff rares, and pre-built decks, the stench of foul decay in what passes for their office—no one could endure that sane. They obviously designed this latest set in attempt to communicate their agony to their callous tormentors. And doesn't that Chainer fellow remind you of Mark Rosewater?"

Hasbro executives could not be reached for comment. Misetings reporters attempted to contact some of the R&D staff to get their view, but were turned away from their dungeon office by large men wearing executioners masks.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!