This is a review of the cards from ONE booster pack of Torment. Rather than bore you with the whole set, I figured that one random pack would be enough to give you all a feel for the new set. So, here we go.

Card #1:

Waste Away 4B
Instant, Common
As an additonal cost to play Waste Away, discard a card from your hand
Target creature gets -5/-5 until end of turn.
Chainer's insanity touched nearly every living thing--including viruses.

Okay, what genius thought this one up? What were they thinking, "Hey! Let's reprint Acceptable Losses, but make it black, and cost 1 more!" I'm sure everyone needed another copy of such a gamebreaking card...and the reprint isn't even random discard! Talk about broken. Maybe not as broken as Cabal Ritual, but be sure to pick this highly.
And what's with the high-tech medical terms in the flavor text? What is this? Magic: the dissection?


Card #2:
Longhorn Firebeast 2R
Creature--Beast
When Longhorn Firebeast comes into play, sacrifice it and deal 5 damage to an opponent, or that player discards a creature-kill spell from hand.
Its blast can fuse armor to bone, leaving skeletons that glintbrightly in the sun

No comment about the uselessness of dealing 5 damage to your opponent when you should be killing their creatures or Lobotomising thier Psycatogs.
Again, do we really need a medical lesson in the flavor text? I just hope the next card is better.


Card #3:
Floating Shield 2W
Enchant Creature
As Floating Shield comes into play, choose a color.
Enchanted creature has protection from the chosen color. This effect doesn't remove Floating Shield.
Sacrifice Floating Shield: Target creature gains protection from the chosen color until end of turn.

Well, at least we don't have to deal with any medical flavor text. Of course, you might want to see a doctor for the rules headache. "Do I have to announce the color before my opponent counters it? If I use the second ability, can I pick a different color? What happens if we forget what color it's set to? Why doesn't the second ability have that nifty "this ability does not remove Floating Shield"?" and countless others. Bring your asprin.


Card #4:
Cabal Torturer 1BB
Creature--Minion
B,tap: Target creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn.
Threshold -- 3BB, tap: Target creature gets -2/-2 until end of turn.
1/1

Okay, first question: Why is the guy in the picture wearing flight goggles? Second question: why is this guy smaller than a Chainflinger? And why is his second ability about twice as hard to use for essentially the same effect? Third, why does he specify "Target creature", what are we going to target with his -1/-1, an enchantment? Come on, Wizards, give us some credit!
This card, fortunately, spares us the lame flavor text about extracting organs or whatever Torturers do in Cabal.


Card #5:
Deep Analysis 3U
Sorcery
Target player draws two cards
Flashback -- 1U, Pay 3 life.
"The specimen seems to be broken."

Taking the cards advice, I find that it is strictly inferior to Opportunity, Concentrate, and just about every card drawing spell in the game that does not require you to discard (other than, of course, Inspiration)
And again, the medical quote! Is there a plot at Wizards to edumakate us? Everyone, quick, write to Wizards and tell them to forget about the whole Magic Online controversy, they need to cool it with the biology lessons!


Card #6:
Basking Rootwalla
Creature--Lizard
1G: +2/+2, play this ability once per turn
Madness 0

I think this card might make a small splash as anti-Balance Type 1 tech. Trade them away as fast as you can get them.
And don't read the flavor text.


Card #7:
Cephalid Aristocrat 4U
Crature -- Cephalid
Whenever Cephalid Aristocrat becomes the target of a spell or ability, put the top two cards of your library into your graveyard.
It's easy to tell the differnce between the devious cephalids and th trustworthy ones. The trustworthy ones are dead.

Like his cousin, the Pro Tour Aristrocrat, do everything you can to keep this fish out of your deck.
And we are still batting 1.000 on medical flavor text! Note that this particual flavor text applies equally well to the other type of Aristocrat as well.


Card #8:
Petravark 3R
Creature -- Nightmare Beast
When Petraverk comes into play, remove target land from the game.
Wen Petravark leaves play, return the removed card to play under its owner's control.

Possible uses for Petravark: Bookmark; Chump-blocker; Discard Fodder; Conquor/Political Trickery/Rainbow Vale counter; Chainer makes him 3/3 for 4!; Color-screwing opponents; Infinite mana combo with Living Death and multiple mana flares; Deed in response to permanently remove the land; Save one of your land for post-Obliterate/Balancing Tings/Upheaval; attack for 2 each turn against a goldfish; fling at your opponent.


Card #9:
Psychotic haze 2BB
Instant
Deals 1 damage to each creatue and each player
Madness 1B

Since when is this ability worth printing on a card, much less an overcosted one? I guess this just proves that Madness is sometimes just a sign of stupidity.
Just be greatful the Madness text took up too much room to fit in a bad doctor joke.


Card #10:
Invigorating Falls 2GG
Sorcery
You gain life equal to the number of creature cards in all graveyards.
Krosan druids do not fear death, for they know that nature will only prosper from their passing.

The only thing Invigorating about this Fall is when your opponent dies laughing at you for playing such a stupid card. Read it! You gain zero life! Why? Because NO creatue card can be in ALL graveyards. It's in one or the other. And since it's a Sorcery you can't even play it in response to a Balane or Lobotomy to get it out of your hand!
I just hope the people who created this card are like the Krosan druids. Because nature will only prosper from their passing. Note the subtle circle of life reference, and evocation of bacteria. Or maybe they mean that even druids destroy nature, and it would be better if all people were dead. Either way, we still have 100% of flavor text being medical.


Card #11:
Ghostly Wings 1U
Enchant Creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 and has flying
Discard a card: Return enchanted creature to its owner's hand.

Do yourself a favor and let this card just fly out of your hands into the next drafter's deck.


Card #12: (An uncommon this time!)
hypochondria 1W
Enchantment
W, Discard: prevent 3 damage
W, sac: prevent 3 damage

Just a little reminder for those of you following along at home: Healing salve: bad. Healing salve that can't just gain you life to empty your hand: really bad.
Just be glad they couldn't find room for flavor text....
And why isn't the name capitalised?


Card #13:
hydromorph Gull 3UU
Creatue -- Bird Guardian
Flying
U, Sacrifice: Counter target spell that targes one or more creature you control
"The only kind of water that should fly through the air is rain."--Kamahl, pit fighter

Question: if a spell targets more than one creatue I control, doesn't it target one creature as well? And wouldn't that make the "or more" superfluous? Question two: Why would anyone sacrifice a 3/3 flier to counter anything less than a Shower of Coals or Pursuasion?
Apperantly the medical flavor text is strictly on the commons. I guess that way only the limited players have to suffer through it.
Note: apperantly Wizards font doesn't include a capitol 'H'


Card #14:
Crazed Firecat 5RR
Creature -- Cat
When ~this~ comes into play, flip a coin until you lose a flip. Put a +1/+1 counter on ~this~ for each flip you win.
"The longer it's caged, the madder it gets." -- Firecat handler

Okay, so you pay 7 mana for a 4/4 with no abilities. Sounds about right. That means this card is absoluely broken. But why does winning a flip equate to keeping it caged up longer? Does it really take that long to flip a coin? If so, does the cat get more counters if you stall the flips?


Card #15:
Overmaster R
Sorcery
The next instant or sorcery spell you play this turn can't be countered by spells or abilities.
Draw a card.
"Trickery can't defeat raw power." -- Matoc, lavamancer

The master over all...I don't think I need to try to fool you into liking this card. Just look at its forcefullness! And then combo a few of these into an infinite uncounterable loop!


Whew! That's it. All done. You can go do something worthwhile now.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

This is a review of the cards from ONE booster pack of Torment. Rather than bore you with the whole set, I figured that one random pack would be enough to give you all a feel for the new set. So, here we go.

Card #1:

Waste Away 4B
Instant, Common
As an additonal cost to play Waste Away, discard a card from your hand
Target creature gets -5/-5 until end of turn.
Chainer's insanity touched nearly every living thing--including viruses.

Okay, what genius thought this one up? What were they thinking, "Hey! Let's reprint Acceptable Losses, but make it black, and cost 1 more!" I'm sure everyone needed another copy of such a gamebreaking card...and the reprint isn't even random discard! Talk about broken. Maybe not as broken as Cabal Ritual, but be sure to pick this highly.
And what's with the high-tech medical terms in the flavor text? What is this? Magic: the dissection?


Card #2:
Longhorn Firebeast 2R
Creature--Beast
When Longhorn Firebeast comes into play, sacrifice it and deal 5 damage to an opponent, or that player discards a creature-kill spell from hand.
Its blast can fuse armor to bone, leaving skeletons that glintbrightly in the sun

No comment about the uselessness of dealing 5 damage to your opponent when you should be killing their creatures or Lobotomising thier Psycatogs.
Again, do we really need a medical lesson in the flavor text? I just hope the next card is better.


Card #3:
Floating Shield 2W
Enchant Creature
As Floating Shield comes into play, choose a color.
Enchanted creature has protection from the chosen color. This effect doesn't remove Floating Shield.
Sacrifice Floating Shield: Target creature gains protection from the chosen color until end of turn.

Well, at least we don't have to deal with any medical flavor text. Of course, you might want to see a doctor for the rules headache. "Do I have to announce the color before my opponent counters it? If I use the second ability, can I pick a different color? What happens if we forget what color it's set to? Why doesn't the second ability have that nifty "this ability does not remove Floating Shield"?" and countless others. Bring your asprin.


Card #4:
Cabal Torturer 1BB
Creature--Minion
B,tap: Target creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn.
Threshold -- 3BB, tap: Target creature gets -2/-2 until end of turn.
1/1

Okay, first question: Why is the guy in the picture wearing flight goggles? Second question: why is this guy smaller than a Chainflinger? And why is his second ability about twice as hard to use for essentially the same effect? Third, why does he specify "Target creature", what are we going to target with his -1/-1, an enchantment? Come on, Wizards, give us some credit!
This card, fortunately, spares us the lame flavor text about extracting organs or whatever Torturers do in Cabal.


Card #5:
Deep Analysis 3U
Sorcery
Target player draws two cards
Flashback -- 1U, Pay 3 life.
"The specimen seems to be broken."

Taking the cards advice, I find that it is strictly inferior to Opportunity, Concentrate, and just about every card drawing spell in the game that does not require you to discard (other than, of course, Inspiration)
And again, the medical quote! Is there a plot at Wizards to edumakate us? Everyone, quick, write to Wizards and tell them to forget about the whole Magic Online controversy, they need to cool it with the biology lessons!


Card #6:
Basking Rootwalla
Creature--Lizard
1G: +2/+2, play this ability once per turn
Madness 0

I think this card might make a small splash as anti-Balance Type 1 tech. Trade them away as fast as you can get them.
And don't read the flavor text.


Card #7:
Cephalid Aristocrat 4U
Crature -- Cephalid
Whenever Cephalid Aristocrat becomes the target of a spell or ability, put the top two cards of your library into your graveyard.
It's easy to tell the differnce between the devious cephalids and th trustworthy ones. The trustworthy ones are dead.

Like his cousin, the Pro Tour Aristrocrat, do everything you can to keep this fish out of your deck.
And we are still batting 1.000 on medical flavor text! Note that this particual flavor text applies equally well to the other type of Aristocrat as well.


Card #8:
Petravark 3R
Creature -- Nightmare Beast
When Petraverk comes into play, remove target land from the game.
Wen Petravark leaves play, return the removed card to play under its owner's control.

Possible uses for Petravark: Bookmark; Chump-blocker; Discard Fodder; Conquor/Political Trickery/Rainbow Vale counter; Chainer makes him 3/3 for 4!; Color-screwing opponents; Infinite mana combo with Living Death and multiple mana flares; Deed in response to permanently remove the land; Save one of your land for post-Obliterate/Balancing Tings/Upheaval; attack for 2 each turn against a goldfish; fling at your opponent.


Card #9:
Psychotic haze 2BB
Instant
Deals 1 damage to each creatue and each player
Madness 1B

Since when is this ability worth printing on a card, much less an overcosted one? I guess this just proves that Madness is sometimes just a sign of stupidity.
Just be greatful the Madness text took up too much room to fit in a bad doctor joke.


Card #10:
Invigorating Falls 2GG
Sorcery
You gain life equal to the number of creature cards in all graveyards.
Krosan druids do not fear death, for they know that nature will only prosper from their passing.

The only thing Invigorating about this Fall is when your opponent dies laughing at you for playing such a stupid card. Read it! You gain zero life! Why? Because NO creatue card can be in ALL graveyards. It's in one or the other. And since it's a Sorcery you can't even play it in response to a Balane or Lobotomy to get it out of your hand!
I just hope the people who created this card are like the Krosan druids. Because nature will only prosper from their passing. Note the subtle circle of life reference, and evocation of bacteria. Or maybe they mean that even druids destroy nature, and it would be better if all people were dead. Either way, we still have 100% of flavor text being medical.


Card #11:
Ghostly Wings 1U
Enchant Creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 and has flying
Discard a card: Return enchanted creature to its owner's hand.

Do yourself a favor and let this card just fly out of your hands into the next drafter's deck.


Card #12: (An uncommon this time!)
hypochondria 1W
Enchantment
W, Discard: prevent 3 damage
W, sac: prevent 3 damage

Just a little reminder for those of you following along at home: Healing salve: bad. Healing salve that can't just gain you life to empty your hand: really bad.
Just be glad they couldn't find room for flavor text....
And why isn't the name capitalised?


Card #13:
hydromorph Gull 3UU
Creatue -- Bird Guardian
Flying
U, Sacrifice: Counter target spell that targes one or more creature you control
"The only kind of water that should fly through the air is rain."--Kamahl, pit fighter

Question: if a spell targets more than one creatue I control, doesn't it target one creature as well? And wouldn't that make the "or more" superfluous? Question two: Why would anyone sacrifice a 3/3 flier to counter anything less than a Shower of Coals or Pursuasion?
Apperantly the medical flavor text is strictly on the commons. I guess that way only the limited players have to suffer through it.
Note: apperantly Wizards font doesn't include a capitol 'H'


Card #14:
Crazed Firecat 5RR
Creature -- Cat
When ~this~ comes into play, flip a coin until you lose a flip. Put a +1/+1 counter on ~this~ for each flip you win.
"The longer it's caged, the madder it gets." -- Firecat handler

Okay, so you pay 7 mana for a 4/4 with no abilities. Sounds about right. That means this card is absoluely broken. But why does winning a flip equate to keeping it caged up longer? Does it really take that long to flip a coin? If so, does the cat get more counters if you stall the flips?


Card #15:
Overmaster R
Sorcery
The next instant or sorcery spell you play this turn can't be countered by spells or abilities.
Draw a card.
"Trickery can't defeat raw power." -- Matoc, lavamancer

The master over all...I don't think I need to try to fool you into liking this card. Just look at its forcefullness! And then combo a few of these into an infinite uncounterable loop!


Whew! That's it. All done. You can go do something worthwhile now.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!