A parade of goblins hoisting signs in the air and singing “Glory, Glory Hallelujah” and “We Shall Overcome” marched around the police picket line surrounding Wizards today. This is as amazing change from yesterday’s anarchy. Fourteen police officers and twenty goblins were injured yesterday afternoon when a goblin known only as Mons incited a short-lived riot.

“It started around noon when three of the damn varmints started bouncing on one of the patrol cars. I ordered four officers to arrest the perpetrators. Two of the goblins managed to scamper off, but the third wasn’t so lucky,” commented Lt. Chuck Wood.

“One the officers held him down while the others gave him a savage beating like his green ass deserved. We’re afraid we may have profiled the wrong goblin, unfortunately. About an hour after we had left him for dead, the goblins began to grow restless. I was a little nervous so I called for more officers and riot armor. That’s when it happened.”

The mob of goblins morphed into a disciplined raid under the control of the said goblin, Mons. Though it is still unknown, it seems the savagely mised goblin was a member of royalty and possibly a leader. At around 2:00 Pacific time, the gang charged the blue police line in a swift, reckless attack. According to eyewitnesses, the goblins were chanting “Goblin King! Goblin King!” as they bit kneecaps and overturned squad cars. The stern police department responding with tear gas attacks. The resulting fog disorientated the primitive “army”.

“Once we were behind the fog of tear gas, the goblins’ charge was turned. I permitted the usage of rubber bullets to further push them back. Many of the officers enjoyed popping the diminutive bastards. I myself located Mons and shot him in the ass for a few laughs,” grunted Lt. Wood. Although most goblins managed to escape, Mons himself was captured and thrown into a cold, damp cell with Tailban guerrillas.

The goblins regrouped a few hours later under the benevolent charisma of a sickly looking creature named Squee. Under his guidance, the goblins have resorted to peaceful demonstrations and waving signs depicting Richard Garfield waving a confederate flag while two goblins and an elf are flayed alive by white robbed DCI personnel.

“I’m keeping an eye on that Squee. He plays his cards slyly. I doubt we can control him with this limited manpower. I’ve been authorized to seek aid from the Fire Department. Let’s see how the little shithead likes it when we send a hydroblast up his ass.” With that, Lt. Wood declined any further questions.

The goblins were protesting unfair treatment and discrimination by their employer, Wizards of the Coast. The goblins also complain that they were not offered positions in the last two expansions. Wizards declined to comment. In other news, Kai Budde’s Fourth Reich seized the Rhineland today. Two more avid Magic players disappeared in their quest to find legendary Jamie Wakefield’s hidden “ultimate fattie.”

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

A parade of goblins hoisting signs in the air and singing “Glory, Glory Hallelujah” and “We Shall Overcome” marched around the police picket line surrounding Wizards today. This is as amazing change from yesterday’s anarchy. Fourteen police officers and twenty goblins were injured yesterday afternoon when a goblin known only as Mons incited a short-lived riot.

“It started around noon when three of the damn varmints started bouncing on one of the patrol cars. I ordered four officers to arrest the perpetrators. Two of the goblins managed to scamper off, but the third wasn’t so lucky,” commented Lt. Chuck Wood.

“One the officers held him down while the others gave him a savage beating like his green ass deserved. We’re afraid we may have profiled the wrong goblin, unfortunately. About an hour after we had left him for dead, the goblins began to grow restless. I was a little nervous so I called for more officers and riot armor. That’s when it happened.”

The mob of goblins morphed into a disciplined raid under the control of the said goblin, Mons. Though it is still unknown, it seems the savagely mised goblin was a member of royalty and possibly a leader. At around 2:00 Pacific time, the gang charged the blue police line in a swift, reckless attack. According to eyewitnesses, the goblins were chanting “Goblin King! Goblin King!” as they bit kneecaps and overturned squad cars. The stern police department responding with tear gas attacks. The resulting fog disorientated the primitive “army”.

“Once we were behind the fog of tear gas, the goblins’ charge was turned. I permitted the usage of rubber bullets to further push them back. Many of the officers enjoyed popping the diminutive bastards. I myself located Mons and shot him in the ass for a few laughs,” grunted Lt. Wood. Although most goblins managed to escape, Mons himself was captured and thrown into a cold, damp cell with Tailban guerrillas.

The goblins regrouped a few hours later under the benevolent charisma of a sickly looking creature named Squee. Under his guidance, the goblins have resorted to peaceful demonstrations and waving signs depicting Richard Garfield waving a confederate flag while two goblins and an elf are flayed alive by white robbed DCI personnel.

“I’m keeping an eye on that Squee. He plays his cards slyly. I doubt we can control him with this limited manpower. I’ve been authorized to seek aid from the Fire Department. Let’s see how the little shithead likes it when we send a hydroblast up his ass.” With that, Lt. Wood declined any further questions.

The goblins were protesting unfair treatment and discrimination by their employer, Wizards of the Coast. The goblins also complain that they were not offered positions in the last two expansions. Wizards declined to comment. In other news, Kai Budde’s Fourth Reich seized the Rhineland today. Two more avid Magic players disappeared in their quest to find legendary Jamie Wakefield’s hidden “ultimate fattie.”

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!