New England, USA – John F. Rizzo hospitalized at local area medical center after discovery of sexually transmitted disease earlier today.

Crowds quickly began forming around the New England hospital as word spread of Mr. Rizzo’s admission to the facility. Shortly thereafter, center officials confirmed that Rizzo was indeed under their care and undergoing emergency treatment for a rare condition, but would not comment further on the nature of that condition.

EMS personnel said that they responded to the call at approximately 3:04 A.M. this morning. When they arrived at the legendary writer’s address, he was found sitting on the toilet, still clutching his cordless phone in one hand and a Magic card in the other. The medical report indicates that he was completely unclothed and mumbling the words "Why'd you do this to me, sweetie?"

"It kind of took me by surprise, you know? There wasn’t a single hair on his body", said Beverly Wilford, removing the rubber gloves she had worn at the scene. "There was a lot of nakedness all up in there."

The identity of the Magic card was not revealed in the report. However, on the condition of anonymity, a hospital worker at the facility revealed to us that it was none other than the Nightscape Familiar.

Many of his fans are very aware of the public affair Rizzo has carried on with the Nightscape Familiar. John has been observed referring to the card as his "Sexual Chocolate" and "the Chocolate Love Machine" in several of his articles.

The whereabouts of the Nightscape Familiar are currently unknown.

Further information from hospital staff revealed that Rizzo has indeed contracted a sexually transmitted disease and that all indicators point to it being a rare form of Thunderclap which is currently believed to be incurable. Detail on Mr. Rizzo’s condition was sketchy at the time of writing, but it appears that he has developed the inflamed red pustules on his manhood that are common with the onset of Thunderclap.

When we polled some of his fans milling outside the hospital, we found reactions to be mixed, but one concerned fan stated, "I’d still do him".

Neither Rizzo’s wife nor his editor, The Ferrett, were immediately available for comment.

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New England, USA – John F. Rizzo hospitalized at local area medical center after discovery of sexually transmitted disease earlier today.

Crowds quickly began forming around the New England hospital as word spread of Mr. Rizzo’s admission to the facility. Shortly thereafter, center officials confirmed that Rizzo was indeed under their care and undergoing emergency treatment for a rare condition, but would not comment further on the nature of that condition.

EMS personnel said that they responded to the call at approximately 3:04 A.M. this morning. When they arrived at the legendary writer’s address, he was found sitting on the toilet, still clutching his cordless phone in one hand and a Magic card in the other. The medical report indicates that he was completely unclothed and mumbling the words "Why'd you do this to me, sweetie?"

"It kind of took me by surprise, you know? There wasn’t a single hair on his body", said Beverly Wilford, removing the rubber gloves she had worn at the scene. "There was a lot of nakedness all up in there."

The identity of the Magic card was not revealed in the report. However, on the condition of anonymity, a hospital worker at the facility revealed to us that it was none other than the Nightscape Familiar.

Many of his fans are very aware of the public affair Rizzo has carried on with the Nightscape Familiar. John has been observed referring to the card as his "Sexual Chocolate" and "the Chocolate Love Machine" in several of his articles.

The whereabouts of the Nightscape Familiar are currently unknown.

Further information from hospital staff revealed that Rizzo has indeed contracted a sexually transmitted disease and that all indicators point to it being a rare form of Thunderclap which is currently believed to be incurable. Detail on Mr. Rizzo’s condition was sketchy at the time of writing, but it appears that he has developed the inflamed red pustules on his manhood that are common with the onset of Thunderclap.

When we polled some of his fans milling outside the hospital, we found reactions to be mixed, but one concerned fan stated, "I’d still do him".

Neither Rizzo’s wife nor his editor, The Ferrett, were immediately available for comment.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!