Kingston, NY - In a not so shocking turn of events, the release of Sports Illustrated’s 2002 Swimsuit Edition has left many tournament organizers baffled by a drastic decline in participants. The magazine, adorned with dozens of almost-naked women in bikinis, has stolen the nights of lonely teenage boys across America.

“Where in the hell did they all go?” Inquired Tony, a local card store owner, on Tuesday night. “The only people here are a homeless guy and the lady from upstairs.”

“I’m still, uh, hung over from the… yesterday’s President’s Day celebration. Yeah, that’s it.” Explained Johnny, a 14-year-old regular at Tony’s.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Reported Andrew, while trying discretely to hide something behind his back. “Oh, this? Um, I read it for the articles. I swear.” Andrew hurriedly ran to his room and locked the door.

In a press conference yesterday, Vince Calouri, CEO of Wizards of the Coast, described Sports Illustrated as being part of an “axis of evil”, along with mothers, the economy, and the squirrels who are plotting to capture him and his family and sacrifice them to the god of acorns.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Kingston, NY - In a not so shocking turn of events, the release of Sports Illustrated’s 2002 Swimsuit Edition has left many tournament organizers baffled by a drastic decline in participants. The magazine, adorned with dozens of almost-naked women in bikinis, has stolen the nights of lonely teenage boys across America.

“Where in the hell did they all go?” Inquired Tony, a local card store owner, on Tuesday night. “The only people here are a homeless guy and the lady from upstairs.”

“I’m still, uh, hung over from the… yesterday’s President’s Day celebration. Yeah, that’s it.” Explained Johnny, a 14-year-old regular at Tony’s.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Reported Andrew, while trying discretely to hide something behind his back. “Oh, this? Um, I read it for the articles. I swear.” Andrew hurriedly ran to his room and locked the door.

In a press conference yesterday, Vince Calouri, CEO of Wizards of the Coast, described Sports Illustrated as being part of an “axis of evil”, along with mothers, the economy, and the squirrels who are plotting to capture him and his family and sacrifice them to the god of acorns.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!