17 and a half Magic geeks stood in stunned silence after the utterance of “A. Dumas” (name changed to protect real person from swarms of desperate WotC R&D personnel showing up at his house to beg for ideas) suggestion for a new card brought a conversation about the weaknesses of Oddyssey versus Invasion blocks to a screeching halt. The normal post-Friday-Night-Magic gathering outside our Dallas area game shop is lively and full of humorous banter and pick-up games on the hoods of folks’ piece-of-crap vehicles. Not this night – nay, the force of change was upon us all, so, there we stood as witnesses to history, agape, and a tad awkward.

“What they need to do is print an artifact that taps for any amount of mana,” said Dumas. Infinite mana! This was a concept not one of us had ever considered before. We were astounded. We asked, “Do you not think that such a card would unfairly slant the game in the favor of the player controlling the artifact?” (This is the revolutionary part) “No,” he said, “because it would cost three to play.”

It is true that in the history of Magic the mana cost of three has been, to make a pun, the ‘magic number’ that seems to cloak the brokenness of many cards. Necropotence, Recurring Nightmare, Tangle Wire, Call of the Herd, and many others – All these three-costers have shown themselves to be horribly broken without the DCI having any clue as to, or at least any concern over, their might; however, it is more than likely that even the DCI would be able to spot the problem with an artifact that tapped for any number of mana – even if it did cost three to play.

Regardless of said probability, we, ever keen to see all-mighty technology spew forth accidentally from WotC, questioned this visionary youngster further, so as to bask in his total brilliance. We asked him, “Why do you think such a card would be a good idea?” His simple response still rings in my inner ear, either like a resounding chime or like that annoying feeling of water trapped in your ear that you get just before drowning: “Because then you could kill a guy on third turn.”

Some people actually fainted. Never before had any player in the history of the game (to our knowledge) ever dared dream of killing a guy on the third turn. Immediately, we began to try to figure out how one might kill a guy on third turn with an artifact that tapped for any number of mana. Surely, if we are assuming that no other accelerators existed in the deck, this three-costed artifact would be played with mana produced from lands one, two, and three, leaving player with the artifact alone, and were it to produce no colored mana, the only truly feasible way to kill a guy on third turn with it would be with Rocket Launcher or perhaps Magma Mine, and as those cards no longer exist in the standard environment, some other solution was required in order to dispatch a fool on turn three. More information was needed, so we questioned our new sensei: “How?”

“You could sac it for colored mana.” This is pure genius. We allowed ourselves to imagine that such a card really existed. Turn three: I tap my three lands, cast this artifact – call it – Hmm – “Channelfireball” – tap it for four hundred billion mana, sac it for one red and Ghitu Fire the living crap out of you! As an instant! Haha!

How simple we were. How unvisionary. We forgot that this kid was a child prodigy of Magic strategy. Any goon can Ghitu Fire the living crap out of the enemy. Such a barbaric display should be relegated to the decklists of the lowest of the low combo players. No, this was to be an Odyssey block combo: Turn one: Land, nothing. Turn two: Land, Need for Speed. Turn three: Land, “Channelfireball”, Tap for a million-billion-trillion, Sac for one green: Play Ivy Elemental, sac a land to give it haste, attack for a million-billion-trillion. The people who had previously fainted went right into freaking comas.

When asked why a hasted and unspeakably huge Ivy Elemental was better than just X-spelling a guy for 10 past his life total, our mentor, in his characteristically profound way, informed us, “They can counter an X-spell, but not the combat step.” It took us what seemed like an eternity to see the pure truth of this idea, for such is the way of the advanced intellect – it speaks complex truths hidden in webs of seemingly completely idiotic babble.

We were convinced that this was a great idea for a card, as I am sure are all of you. We have begun a letter-writing campaign to urge Wizards to add this card to one of the forthcoming sets so that we can all begin killing guys on third turn as soon as possible.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

17 and a half Magic geeks stood in stunned silence after the utterance of “A. Dumas” (name changed to protect real person from swarms of desperate WotC R&D personnel showing up at his house to beg for ideas) suggestion for a new card brought a conversation about the weaknesses of Oddyssey versus Invasion blocks to a screeching halt. The normal post-Friday-Night-Magic gathering outside our Dallas area game shop is lively and full of humorous banter and pick-up games on the hoods of folks’ piece-of-crap vehicles. Not this night – nay, the force of change was upon us all, so, there we stood as witnesses to history, agape, and a tad awkward.

“What they need to do is print an artifact that taps for any amount of mana,” said Dumas. Infinite mana! This was a concept not one of us had ever considered before. We were astounded. We asked, “Do you not think that such a card would unfairly slant the game in the favor of the player controlling the artifact?” (This is the revolutionary part) “No,” he said, “because it would cost three to play.”

It is true that in the history of Magic the mana cost of three has been, to make a pun, the ‘magic number’ that seems to cloak the brokenness of many cards. Necropotence, Recurring Nightmare, Tangle Wire, Call of the Herd, and many others – All these three-costers have shown themselves to be horribly broken without the DCI having any clue as to, or at least any concern over, their might; however, it is more than likely that even the DCI would be able to spot the problem with an artifact that tapped for any number of mana – even if it did cost three to play.

Regardless of said probability, we, ever keen to see all-mighty technology spew forth accidentally from WotC, questioned this visionary youngster further, so as to bask in his total brilliance. We asked him, “Why do you think such a card would be a good idea?” His simple response still rings in my inner ear, either like a resounding chime or like that annoying feeling of water trapped in your ear that you get just before drowning: “Because then you could kill a guy on third turn.”

Some people actually fainted. Never before had any player in the history of the game (to our knowledge) ever dared dream of killing a guy on the third turn. Immediately, we began to try to figure out how one might kill a guy on third turn with an artifact that tapped for any number of mana. Surely, if we are assuming that no other accelerators existed in the deck, this three-costed artifact would be played with mana produced from lands one, two, and three, leaving player with the artifact alone, and were it to produce no colored mana, the only truly feasible way to kill a guy on third turn with it would be with Rocket Launcher or perhaps Magma Mine, and as those cards no longer exist in the standard environment, some other solution was required in order to dispatch a fool on turn three. More information was needed, so we questioned our new sensei: “How?”

“You could sac it for colored mana.” This is pure genius. We allowed ourselves to imagine that such a card really existed. Turn three: I tap my three lands, cast this artifact – call it – Hmm – “Channelfireball” – tap it for four hundred billion mana, sac it for one red and Ghitu Fire the living crap out of you! As an instant! Haha!

How simple we were. How unvisionary. We forgot that this kid was a child prodigy of Magic strategy. Any goon can Ghitu Fire the living crap out of the enemy. Such a barbaric display should be relegated to the decklists of the lowest of the low combo players. No, this was to be an Odyssey block combo: Turn one: Land, nothing. Turn two: Land, Need for Speed. Turn three: Land, “Channelfireball”, Tap for a million-billion-trillion, Sac for one green: Play Ivy Elemental, sac a land to give it haste, attack for a million-billion-trillion. The people who had previously fainted went right into freaking comas.

When asked why a hasted and unspeakably huge Ivy Elemental was better than just X-spelling a guy for 10 past his life total, our mentor, in his characteristically profound way, informed us, “They can counter an X-spell, but not the combat step.” It took us what seemed like an eternity to see the pure truth of this idea, for such is the way of the advanced intellect – it speaks complex truths hidden in webs of seemingly completely idiotic babble.

We were convinced that this was a great idea for a card, as I am sure are all of you. We have begun a letter-writing campaign to urge Wizards to add this card to one of the forthcoming sets so that we can all begin killing guys on third turn as soon as possible.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!