Middlebury, Vermont - Green mages worldwide were shocked earlier today when they learned that the Drug Enforcement Administration had apprehended their messiah, Jamie Wakefield. Though not an active player these days, Wakefield has been secretly manipulating the metagame for years. His fatties have dominated Type 2, with the exception of the notorious Psychatog. Jamie’s presence has even been felt through the creation of entirely new formats, notably Five-Color.

It is rumored that a local middle school principal tipped off the Feds but this cannot be confirmed as he has been placed on the Witness Protection list. The wrath of God himself seemed to have befallen Jamie when federal agents surrounded him in a school parking lot yesterday afternoon. A dragged out scuffle ensued with Wakefield catching at least one agent tapped out without a chump blocker in play. The elusive fattie king fell to his opponents’ sheer force of will shortly afterwards.

The charges filed against Wakefield include ownership of 26 cannabis fields and selling “fatties” to minors. Apparently, Wakefield had been trafficking beatsticks to children for quite some time. Twelve year old Timmy, a local M:tG enthusiast commented on the king’s activities.

“He was trying to sell me two Verdant Forces and a foil Thorn Elemental for $10. I told him no just like my parents and teachers had taught me, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. He even said he’d throw Kurt Hahn in with the deal if I’d add two more Mountains to my red beat-down deck. I almost gave in at that point. Then all the screaming and shouting started. Jamie stood his ground. I swear he was swinging for six every turn.”

Jamie was heard screaming “It's the last fatty that kills you!" as he was carted away. No news on bail at this time.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Middlebury, Vermont - Green mages worldwide were shocked earlier today when they learned that the Drug Enforcement Administration had apprehended their messiah, Jamie Wakefield. Though not an active player these days, Wakefield has been secretly manipulating the metagame for years. His fatties have dominated Type 2, with the exception of the notorious Psychatog. Jamie’s presence has even been felt through the creation of entirely new formats, notably Five-Color.

It is rumored that a local middle school principal tipped off the Feds but this cannot be confirmed as he has been placed on the Witness Protection list. The wrath of God himself seemed to have befallen Jamie when federal agents surrounded him in a school parking lot yesterday afternoon. A dragged out scuffle ensued with Wakefield catching at least one agent tapped out without a chump blocker in play. The elusive fattie king fell to his opponents’ sheer force of will shortly afterwards.

The charges filed against Wakefield include ownership of 26 cannabis fields and selling “fatties” to minors. Apparently, Wakefield had been trafficking beatsticks to children for quite some time. Twelve year old Timmy, a local M:tG enthusiast commented on the king’s activities.

“He was trying to sell me two Verdant Forces and a foil Thorn Elemental for $10. I told him no just like my parents and teachers had taught me, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. He even said he’d throw Kurt Hahn in with the deal if I’d add two more Mountains to my red beat-down deck. I almost gave in at that point. Then all the screaming and shouting started. Jamie stood his ground. I swear he was swinging for six every turn.”

Jamie was heard screaming “It's the last fatty that kills you!" as he was carted away. No news on bail at this time.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!