Des Moines, IA - A recent article from The Onion mocking the pathetic life of a social outcast hit just a little too close to home for Des Moines resident Paul Doleson, friends of the 21-year-old reported Friday. The article, which Doleson encountered via a link from the Magic humor site MiseTings.com, reportedly struck a chord with the avid Magic player's deep insecurities about his own inadequacies, particularly regarding his relationship with his first-ever girlfriend, whom he had met just nine days previous.

According to witnesses, Doleson has been visibly troubled since reading the article, which outlines the misadventures of a fictional magic store employee who unexpectedly lost his virginity at the age of 22. "Heh, that's kinda funny," a nervous Doleson said of the article, after getting off his shift as an employee at Big Ben's Comics, Games and Diversions. "That Onion, it sure cracks me up." Doleson then grew very quiet, silently reading and rereading the piece with an unhappy expression.

"Paul doesn't look too good right now," said longtime friend and chaotic half-elf magic user/thief Cornelius Swanson. "He had been pretty happy all week, especially after hooking up with [Doleson's first ever girlfriend] Melissa. But after reading that article, he looked pretty shaken. I haven't seen him this bad since he saw that article about a Wad Accord."

Psychoanalysts are calling Doleson's response normal, given his deep-rooted and well-deserved inferiority complex. Included in Doleson's reaction are stages of denial and resentment, which were expressed in angry posts on the MiseTings forums in response to the article. "I can't believe MB linked to this, it's not even about Magic," wrote the hardcore member Friday evening, who recently skipped his uncle's funeral to attend regionals, where he went 1-4 drop. "It's kinda funny but it has nothing to do with us or this site. Nothing to do with us at all." Doleson then spent the remainder of the evening quietly sitting at his computer, alone.

The article is being called the most accurate insult the acknowledged loser has suffered since a piece of urinal graffiti that Doleson saw last March in a Denny's restroom, which sported the phrase "Why are you reading this? The joke's in your hand."

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Des Moines, IA - A recent article from The Onion mocking the pathetic life of a social outcast hit just a little too close to home for Des Moines resident Paul Doleson, friends of the 21-year-old reported Friday. The article, which Doleson encountered via a link from the Magic humor site MiseTings.com, reportedly struck a chord with the avid Magic player's deep insecurities about his own inadequacies, particularly regarding his relationship with his first-ever girlfriend, whom he had met just nine days previous.

According to witnesses, Doleson has been visibly troubled since reading the article, which outlines the misadventures of a fictional magic store employee who unexpectedly lost his virginity at the age of 22. "Heh, that's kinda funny," a nervous Doleson said of the article, after getting off his shift as an employee at Big Ben's Comics, Games and Diversions. "That Onion, it sure cracks me up." Doleson then grew very quiet, silently reading and rereading the piece with an unhappy expression.

"Paul doesn't look too good right now," said longtime friend and chaotic half-elf magic user/thief Cornelius Swanson. "He had been pretty happy all week, especially after hooking up with [Doleson's first ever girlfriend] Melissa. But after reading that article, he looked pretty shaken. I haven't seen him this bad since he saw that article about a Wad Accord."

Psychoanalysts are calling Doleson's response normal, given his deep-rooted and well-deserved inferiority complex. Included in Doleson's reaction are stages of denial and resentment, which were expressed in angry posts on the MiseTings forums in response to the article. "I can't believe MB linked to this, it's not even about Magic," wrote the hardcore member Friday evening, who recently skipped his uncle's funeral to attend regionals, where he went 1-4 drop. "It's kinda funny but it has nothing to do with us or this site. Nothing to do with us at all." Doleson then spent the remainder of the evening quietly sitting at his computer, alone.

The article is being called the most accurate insult the acknowledged loser has suffered since a piece of urinal graffiti that Doleson saw last March in a Denny's restroom, which sported the phrase "Why are you reading this? The joke's in your hand."

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!