Good Man of the Week: Mike Turian
Mike Turian. If ever a potato deserved good man of the week, this one is it. I can’t give it to Gary Wise, as he specifically asked not to be given this honor. I can’t give it to Scott Johns as I simply do not know him well enough. I can’t give it to Ore-Ida as that would be pathetic.
Mike Turian a.k.a. Turian Technology a.k.a. potato a.k.a. Schlomo, this man has been around for quite a while. Some may remember him from such hits as “Green Slugs and Ham” or “Zombie Nation.” Mike is the total package. However I am not here to just tell you how great Mr. Turian is. He has a dark side, and while this column may not seem the place to bring it out, I felt that I couldn’t bestow this honor without letting the true face of this wolf in sheep’s clothing out.
Mike eats children. Now I don’t mean this in the traditional sense. Like we have all slaughtered a youngin now and again and cooked them until the whole house smelled of it. Mike eats them alive. I was at his house for a playtesting session for Osaka and he had a whole corral in the back. I was ready to pick one out for a barbecue, and Mike went back there and tore into their raw flesh while the helpless kid cried for his mother.
Now that that small transgression is out of the way I would like to look at the more public face of Mike Turian. Mike is the most jovial man on the Pro Tour. He greets everyone with a smile and is willing to help anyone no matter the sacrifice. Why he was willing to contribute an entire 10 euro cents to the “Get Brian Davis back to Nice Fund.” He took me in off the street when I actually started qualifying for events and let me test with him, despite my having an insane school and work schedule precluding me from hard core testing.
While one of the best players in the world, he is not above conceding a match potentially costing him and his teammates $333.33. We managed to split in the finals anyway, but Mike just wanted to keep his competition on their toes. Sonne never saw that scoop coming. It is that kind of daring play that keeps Mr. Technology on the PT.
For supporting me with constructed help, and for being a truly good friend in a sea of friendly acquaintances, I award Mike Turian this week’s Good Man of the Week.
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