From: Lemke412@aol.com
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1999 18:03:16 EST
Subject: Sped Lingo II

(please note that it is recommended that you have read the original Sped lingo first for maximum enjoyment)

The Letter K - As you will notice the letter "C" is rarely used in Sped Lingo. This is mainly due to the fact that Kart (one of our favorite words) is spelled with a "K" and not C. Examples of this odd spelling could be seen if you wanted to "Kart for Ken Krouner’s Kar" or "Kart for kanned korn" etc.

Stick in the mud - this saying has a similar meaning to the earlier kold, however Stick goes just a little further. Suppose you were playing at the upcoming Grand Prix Mexico and your opponent sat down across from you with 888 kard deck.... now your opponent isn’t kold in this situation. I mean, it took him a lot of effort to karry his kolosal deck to the table. You would simply tell people that your last opponent whom you smashed in 3 turns was a stick in the mud or more simply put, a Stick.

The number 8 - This number pretty much is gas for no particular reason. Since part of being a Sped means to exaggerate as much as possible whenever you can, it would be smart to say that your opponent beat you by putting out an 8/8 on turn four. In Sped every creature bigger than 2/2 is pretty much an 8/8. In fact people can be 8/8’s too, for example Joe Weber is pretty tough so he is classified as an 8/8 house. On the flip side little teenie tiny Lyle Cohen is considered to be a .8/.8 since he is the smallest person on Team Sped.

Patent - In a Magic world where technology is such a big part of tournament success it is important to patent any of your technological advancements. For example it was wicked important that Opalka, Lepine, and the speds patented their High Tide technology in Rome. Who knows what mexicans would have done if they got there hands on high tide. dec? There could have been turn 2 Deep Spawns and Leviathans (both of which are 8/8’s) everywhere! Pretty much everything in the world has been patented by one person or the other. For example let’s take a look at pro tour player Thomas Guevin. Tom is most notable for his patents on " Attempt to smash you!" Tom also has patents on wearing sweatpants and drafting his " torment technology"

Shotgun - Most of you are probably pretty much familiar with yelling shotgun before hopping in the kar. Speds have taken this word a little further and it is now not uncommon to hear people yelling "Shotgun best Toid!" or "Shotgun play a mexican this round!" at pro tour events. You should get in the habit of shotgunning everything you do because pretty much there is always someone around who would shotgun it just to spite you. It is also pretty key to shotgun your patents.

Breaking things - One of the favorite past times shared by all Speds is the attempting to break everything that they do. Speds have broken a wicked lot of things! In fact we shotgun best break. For example Speds decided to break the family restaurant Perkins one night. To do this we decided to completely abuse the free refill policy and the mexican we had for a waitress (In fact her name was Juanita!) Anyway we came prepared with back packs full of beverage containers and left with about 88 of those wicked good kids meal butterfly grilled cheese for $1.99 in our stomach and about 888 gallons of Hi-C in our back packs. Infinite sippage! Hence the breaking of Perkins. It is also fun to be involved in the breaking of magikal kards. Speds assisted in the breaking of high tide in PT rome.

Jimmy Karter - the greatest president to ever live! None of us know what he really did or who he really is for that matter, but we love him none the less! It is not uncommon to hear speds talk about Karter ie."Jon Finkel hasn’t lost a game of magic since the Karter administration."

Mise or Miser - The word mise was patented long before Speds but we like to shotgun its use none the less. Mise comes from the saying "Mise well....." but now it is much easier to just yell out "Mise!" whenever something amazing happens. The occupation of a professional miser has been a dream of Speds for centuries. To simply sit around and mise all day long is just too broken for our young minds to comprehend. A professional miser must be proficient in the fine art of mising. An ideal day for a pro miser would be to wake up at around 4pm and head off to Perkins where he would thoroughly break their fine breakfast dining. Afterwards he might kart off to a magic tournament. Suppose it was a draft tournament. The miser would be at a pro tour level table but would due to the fact that he is a Miser would be drafting next to the two mex’s of the table Juan and Domingo. After Mising that tournament our Miser might then head off to a Casino for a little fun. Uh-oh..... Our professional miser looks into his wallet and sees that he only has one buck to gamble with. No problem, our Miser simply spends his last buck on a scratch off lottery ticket. He scratches it off and wins $500! "MISE!" he says as he cashes in his ticket with a grin.

Kolderson - This mysterious person has never been seen. Actually nobody knows if he really exists. He is sort of the Kaiser Sose of the Magic community. The only thing we know about him is that he sucks! Kolderson is a TD (topdeck) God that has been fucking magic players over since Karter was in office. He has only one purpose in life and that is to kold you. So if you happen to have a bad day at a tourney somewhere, don’t get down on yourself because "Kolderson prolly Got YA!!!!"

NG - this saying was brought around after this past year at worlds. The illusive no show, Teddy Ng has become a magic legend. How the hell does one pronounce his last name?! People from around the globe have speculated this and to the best of our ability we have come up with "nnnnguh!" or "aaannggg" We now have transformed this into a way of saying "mmmm go" when playing magic. So if you hear your opponent shouting strange things at you in the future, don’t be frightened, it is prolly just a Sped telling you that it is your turn.

In the above writing the word or phrase "mexican" is in no way meant to be offensive. It is just a term that many people use to refer to an unskilled magic player. Thanks

Comments? Have you ever broken anything? We would like to hear from you! Lemke412@aol.com or TeamSped@aol.com for feedback. Also check out our website!

Thanks for reading! -- Later, Adam Lemke aka La-lemk of Team Sped

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

From: Lemke412@aol.com
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1999 18:03:16 EST
Subject: Sped Lingo II

(please note that it is recommended that you have read the original Sped lingo first for maximum enjoyment)

The Letter K - As you will notice the letter "C" is rarely used in Sped Lingo. This is mainly due to the fact that Kart (one of our favorite words) is spelled with a "K" and not C. Examples of this odd spelling could be seen if you wanted to "Kart for Ken Krouner’s Kar" or "Kart for kanned korn" etc.

Stick in the mud - this saying has a similar meaning to the earlier kold, however Stick goes just a little further. Suppose you were playing at the upcoming Grand Prix Mexico and your opponent sat down across from you with 888 kard deck.... now your opponent isn’t kold in this situation. I mean, it took him a lot of effort to karry his kolosal deck to the table. You would simply tell people that your last opponent whom you smashed in 3 turns was a stick in the mud or more simply put, a Stick.

The number 8 - This number pretty much is gas for no particular reason. Since part of being a Sped means to exaggerate as much as possible whenever you can, it would be smart to say that your opponent beat you by putting out an 8/8 on turn four. In Sped every creature bigger than 2/2 is pretty much an 8/8. In fact people can be 8/8’s too, for example Joe Weber is pretty tough so he is classified as an 8/8 house. On the flip side little teenie tiny Lyle Cohen is considered to be a .8/.8 since he is the smallest person on Team Sped.

Patent - In a Magic world where technology is such a big part of tournament success it is important to patent any of your technological advancements. For example it was wicked important that Opalka, Lepine, and the speds patented their High Tide technology in Rome. Who knows what mexicans would have done if they got there hands on high tide. dec? There could have been turn 2 Deep Spawns and Leviathans (both of which are 8/8’s) everywhere! Pretty much everything in the world has been patented by one person or the other. For example let’s take a look at pro tour player Thomas Guevin. Tom is most notable for his patents on " Attempt to smash you!" Tom also has patents on wearing sweatpants and drafting his " torment technology"

Shotgun - Most of you are probably pretty much familiar with yelling shotgun before hopping in the kar. Speds have taken this word a little further and it is now not uncommon to hear people yelling "Shotgun best Toid!" or "Shotgun play a mexican this round!" at pro tour events. You should get in the habit of shotgunning everything you do because pretty much there is always someone around who would shotgun it just to spite you. It is also pretty key to shotgun your patents.

Breaking things - One of the favorite past times shared by all Speds is the attempting to break everything that they do. Speds have broken a wicked lot of things! In fact we shotgun best break. For example Speds decided to break the family restaurant Perkins one night. To do this we decided to completely abuse the free refill policy and the mexican we had for a waitress (In fact her name was Juanita!) Anyway we came prepared with back packs full of beverage containers and left with about 88 of those wicked good kids meal butterfly grilled cheese for $1.99 in our stomach and about 888 gallons of Hi-C in our back packs. Infinite sippage! Hence the breaking of Perkins. It is also fun to be involved in the breaking of magikal kards. Speds assisted in the breaking of high tide in PT rome.

Jimmy Karter - the greatest president to ever live! None of us know what he really did or who he really is for that matter, but we love him none the less! It is not uncommon to hear speds talk about Karter ie."Jon Finkel hasn’t lost a game of magic since the Karter administration."

Mise or Miser - The word mise was patented long before Speds but we like to shotgun its use none the less. Mise comes from the saying "Mise well....." but now it is much easier to just yell out "Mise!" whenever something amazing happens. The occupation of a professional miser has been a dream of Speds for centuries. To simply sit around and mise all day long is just too broken for our young minds to comprehend. A professional miser must be proficient in the fine art of mising. An ideal day for a pro miser would be to wake up at around 4pm and head off to Perkins where he would thoroughly break their fine breakfast dining. Afterwards he might kart off to a magic tournament. Suppose it was a draft tournament. The miser would be at a pro tour level table but would due to the fact that he is a Miser would be drafting next to the two mex’s of the table Juan and Domingo. After Mising that tournament our Miser might then head off to a Casino for a little fun. Uh-oh..... Our professional miser looks into his wallet and sees that he only has one buck to gamble with. No problem, our Miser simply spends his last buck on a scratch off lottery ticket. He scratches it off and wins $500! "MISE!" he says as he cashes in his ticket with a grin.

Kolderson - This mysterious person has never been seen. Actually nobody knows if he really exists. He is sort of the Kaiser Sose of the Magic community. The only thing we know about him is that he sucks! Kolderson is a TD (topdeck) God that has been fucking magic players over since Karter was in office. He has only one purpose in life and that is to kold you. So if you happen to have a bad day at a tourney somewhere, don’t get down on yourself because "Kolderson prolly Got YA!!!!"

NG - this saying was brought around after this past year at worlds. The illusive no show, Teddy Ng has become a magic legend. How the hell does one pronounce his last name?! People from around the globe have speculated this and to the best of our ability we have come up with "nnnnguh!" or "aaannggg" We now have transformed this into a way of saying "mmmm go" when playing magic. So if you hear your opponent shouting strange things at you in the future, don’t be frightened, it is prolly just a Sped telling you that it is your turn.

In the above writing the word or phrase "mexican" is in no way meant to be offensive. It is just a term that many people use to refer to an unskilled magic player. Thanks

Comments? Have you ever broken anything? We would like to hear from you! Lemke412@aol.com or TeamSped@aol.com for feedback. Also check out our website!

Thanks for reading! -- Later, Adam Lemke aka La-lemk of Team Sped

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!