Responding to complaints of not only readers but human rights organizations such as Amnesty International, The Ferrett and StarCity Games haved caved in, and will now include a diagram along with every Michael Clauss article. The diagram will advise and instruct the reader on the proper way to slit his wrists, if he feels so inclined. Paul Irvine, spokesperson for Amnesty International, commented, “Our past few months of research revelaed that a Michael Clauss article results in unbearable frustration, anxiety, anger and emotional trauma. We feel that it is best to allow the reader the choice to take his own life as an alternative to going through such torture, and we commend StarCity’s decision to finally do the humane thing.”

A sneak peek at the new diagram.

A) Take blood thinners. (4 to 8 Aspirin one hour before). B) Put the wound under water. Lying in a bathtub is perfect for submerging your wrists. 1. Take the Aspirin 2. Wait one hour 3. Take a unused, sharp razor 4. Lay down in the bathtub 5. Make it full with water 6. Slit your wrists LENGTH-WISE, any major ARTERIES

Chris Levesque, a Magic player from Winnipeg, appreciates StarCity’s decision to include a suicide manual with each Michael Clauss article. “Sure, those articles make me angry. My brain practically begs me to splatter it across the floor for subjecting it to this garbage. Even though I’ve never had the guts to follow through, I’m glad to know StarCity provided a diagram in case I decide to. This way, I won’t make any mistakes, and I’ll do it properly. I wouldn’t want to leave a mess and stain the carpet.”

Not to be outdone, Brainburst is offering multiple suicide options to its Premium members. Brainburst Editor Scott Johns commented, “Now that we’ve taken Jarrod Bright off the Premium side of the site, we’ve unleashed him upon every hapless reader. Just about anyone can kill themselves after reading one of his articles, but Premium members will be given multiple options with diagrams. Jarrod himself has offered to suggest a few methods, such as taking a ton of ecstasy and raving to the point of fatal dehydration.” True to form, Bright will offer suicide options limited to his local metagame such as “Twirl around your glowsticks and annoy the shit out of that big angry dude” and “Feed a kangaroo Angel Dust and punch it in the face”.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Responding to complaints of not only readers but human rights organizations such as Amnesty International, The Ferrett and StarCity Games haved caved in, and will now include a diagram along with every Michael Clauss article. The diagram will advise and instruct the reader on the proper way to slit his wrists, if he feels so inclined. Paul Irvine, spokesperson for Amnesty International, commented, “Our past few months of research revelaed that a Michael Clauss article results in unbearable frustration, anxiety, anger and emotional trauma. We feel that it is best to allow the reader the choice to take his own life as an alternative to going through such torture, and we commend StarCity’s decision to finally do the humane thing.”

A sneak peek at the new diagram.

A) Take blood thinners. (4 to 8 Aspirin one hour before). B) Put the wound under water. Lying in a bathtub is perfect for submerging your wrists. 1. Take the Aspirin 2. Wait one hour 3. Take a unused, sharp razor 4. Lay down in the bathtub 5. Make it full with water 6. Slit your wrists LENGTH-WISE, any major ARTERIES

Chris Levesque, a Magic player from Winnipeg, appreciates StarCity’s decision to include a suicide manual with each Michael Clauss article. “Sure, those articles make me angry. My brain practically begs me to splatter it across the floor for subjecting it to this garbage. Even though I’ve never had the guts to follow through, I’m glad to know StarCity provided a diagram in case I decide to. This way, I won’t make any mistakes, and I’ll do it properly. I wouldn’t want to leave a mess and stain the carpet.”

Not to be outdone, Brainburst is offering multiple suicide options to its Premium members. Brainburst Editor Scott Johns commented, “Now that we’ve taken Jarrod Bright off the Premium side of the site, we’ve unleashed him upon every hapless reader. Just about anyone can kill themselves after reading one of his articles, but Premium members will be given multiple options with diagrams. Jarrod himself has offered to suggest a few methods, such as taking a ton of ecstasy and raving to the point of fatal dehydration.” True to form, Bright will offer suicide options limited to his local metagame such as “Twirl around your glowsticks and annoy the shit out of that big angry dude” and “Feed a kangaroo Angel Dust and punch it in the face”.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!