Magic: The Gathering creator Richard Garfield announced Friday that irritation had been building within him for nearly two weeks over the complete failure of "moronic" Magic players to grasp a literary analogy he felt he plainly made in a column.

Aug. 5, Garfield had described in "The Making of Arabian Nights," on magicthegathering.com, the classic story of Shahrazad. Shahrazad is a woman who is slated by a sultan to be executed, but stays alive by telling the sultan a tale each night. Garfield had noted in the column that the Shahrazad Magic card was his favorite in the Arabian Nights Magic set.

Garfield said he was so peeved at the failure of Magic players to see what he called a blatant metaphor that he may disassociate himself from the game altogether.

"You would think that at least one Magic player would write in to tell me that he got it, that he understood how Wizards of the Coast is like Shahrazad. You know?" Garfield said Friday. "Releasing a new set of cards every four months? And in that way, remaining alive and thriving with the continuing promise of a new, exciting tale soon to come? Just like Shahrazad?"

"But do you know how many Magic players wrote me to say, 'Wow, Richard, isn't Wizards like Shahrazad?' How many that I know personally who called to say, 'Hey, Richard, I understand something more about Magic now, thank you'?" Garfield continued. "Zero. Not one. A big fucking Rukh Egg."

"Sometimes I just think it's pearls before swine, I tell you," Garfield said.

Garfield then proceeded to grow angry upon noticing this reporter's blank, uncomprehending stare.

"You don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about, do you?" asked Garfield, a professor of mathematics and widely known as a genius.

Garfield said Friday that both the educational level and reading comprehension of Magic players is in question.

"Apparently, if you try to relate an interesting metaphor or analogy to Magic players, unless it's an analogy about 'mising' or bathroom humor or who is 'gayest,' they just stare at you like slack-jawed morons," he said.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Magic: The Gathering creator Richard Garfield announced Friday that irritation had been building within him for nearly two weeks over the complete failure of "moronic" Magic players to grasp a literary analogy he felt he plainly made in a column.

Aug. 5, Garfield had described in "The Making of Arabian Nights," on magicthegathering.com, the classic story of Shahrazad. Shahrazad is a woman who is slated by a sultan to be executed, but stays alive by telling the sultan a tale each night. Garfield had noted in the column that the Shahrazad Magic card was his favorite in the Arabian Nights Magic set.

Garfield said he was so peeved at the failure of Magic players to see what he called a blatant metaphor that he may disassociate himself from the game altogether.

"You would think that at least one Magic player would write in to tell me that he got it, that he understood how Wizards of the Coast is like Shahrazad. You know?" Garfield said Friday. "Releasing a new set of cards every four months? And in that way, remaining alive and thriving with the continuing promise of a new, exciting tale soon to come? Just like Shahrazad?"

"But do you know how many Magic players wrote me to say, 'Wow, Richard, isn't Wizards like Shahrazad?' How many that I know personally who called to say, 'Hey, Richard, I understand something more about Magic now, thank you'?" Garfield continued. "Zero. Not one. A big fucking Rukh Egg."

"Sometimes I just think it's pearls before swine, I tell you," Garfield said.

Garfield then proceeded to grow angry upon noticing this reporter's blank, uncomprehending stare.

"You don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about, do you?" asked Garfield, a professor of mathematics and widely known as a genius.

Garfield said Friday that both the educational level and reading comprehension of Magic players is in question.

"Apparently, if you try to relate an interesting metaphor or analogy to Magic players, unless it's an analogy about 'mising' or bathroom humor or who is 'gayest,' they just stare at you like slack-jawed morons," he said.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!