In a stunning display of testicular fortitude, Ben Bleiweiss announced last week that he not only has more money than you, but he has so much money that he can afford to throw Black Loti around with reckless abandon.

BB: “Yeah, you see, I had this huge box of crap that me and my friends liked to draft with now and then, and one day we were tired of just drafting with the crap that we had left over, and so I was all like ‘you know, I got an extra Black Lotus just laying around that I can toss in.’ Doesn’t EVERYONE have an extra Black Lotus just laying around?”

With shocking calm in his voice, Ben also described how the box was originally made up of everything that he had just “left over” from his excessive amounts of drafting.

BB: “Say what? Drafting cost money? Yeah, right! Don’t you remember who I work for, chumley? Man, my paychecks come from the SOURCE, BABY! Hasb… err… Wizards of the COAST, man! I haven’t paid for a draft since Fallen Empires. I have so much leftover product from giveaways and drafts that Morphlings fly outta my ass when I FART!”

A random scrub was picked out of a FNM crowd and sent to play a round of the “big box draft” with Ben to get a fresh idea of just how much money Mr. Bleiweiss possesses. After just one game, the poor child came back with a heart-wrenching look on his face, and tears in his eyes.

Scrub: “It was horrible! Just horrible! I watched him draft a Mox AND a Juzam Djinn, and he just sat there, no sleeves, shuffling... shuffling… shuffling… all the while with the most arrogant smile on his face! He even had a Chaos orb and a Falling Star sitting in sleeves next to the draft box, taunting me! He said the goofy rules for the cards kept him from playing them, but not from just having them there! Then he kept telling me to shuffle the deck I had drafted, but there was an ‘Ali from Cairo’ in there! I couldn’t do it! I just couldn’t do it!!!

The poor child then fell twitching to the floor, wracked with sobs, muttering about sleeves and shuffling.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

In a stunning display of testicular fortitude, Ben Bleiweiss announced last week that he not only has more money than you, but he has so much money that he can afford to throw Black Loti around with reckless abandon.

BB: “Yeah, you see, I had this huge box of crap that me and my friends liked to draft with now and then, and one day we were tired of just drafting with the crap that we had left over, and so I was all like ‘you know, I got an extra Black Lotus just laying around that I can toss in.’ Doesn’t EVERYONE have an extra Black Lotus just laying around?”

With shocking calm in his voice, Ben also described how the box was originally made up of everything that he had just “left over” from his excessive amounts of drafting.

BB: “Say what? Drafting cost money? Yeah, right! Don’t you remember who I work for, chumley? Man, my paychecks come from the SOURCE, BABY! Hasb… err… Wizards of the COAST, man! I haven’t paid for a draft since Fallen Empires. I have so much leftover product from giveaways and drafts that Morphlings fly outta my ass when I FART!”

A random scrub was picked out of a FNM crowd and sent to play a round of the “big box draft” with Ben to get a fresh idea of just how much money Mr. Bleiweiss possesses. After just one game, the poor child came back with a heart-wrenching look on his face, and tears in his eyes.

Scrub: “It was horrible! Just horrible! I watched him draft a Mox AND a Juzam Djinn, and he just sat there, no sleeves, shuffling... shuffling… shuffling… all the while with the most arrogant smile on his face! He even had a Chaos orb and a Falling Star sitting in sleeves next to the draft box, taunting me! He said the goofy rules for the cards kept him from playing them, but not from just having them there! Then he kept telling me to shuffle the deck I had drafted, but there was an ‘Ali from Cairo’ in there! I couldn’t do it! I just couldn’t do it!!!

The poor child then fell twitching to the floor, wracked with sobs, muttering about sleeves and shuffling.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!