Yes Dear Reader, our worst fears have been confirmed! Shortly after making his 7,534,524,642,346,745,346,324,000,000,000,004th veiled reference to his former job writing in Hollywood for the Grossanne show, Mark Rosewater has admitted that R&D IS, as suspected (and feared), on drugs! R&D’s "special brownies" are enjoyed by all! Players around the world have always made drug references upon seeing spoiler lists and/or their pre-release packs, but few (if any) would ever have guessed at the horrifying truth that lurked in the shadows!

Dear reader, the situation only degrades from here! In a weekly column, the head of R&D described the hedonism that has been perpetrated in the Holy Halls of Creation! One member of R&D reportedly downed one of the special brownies at work on a daily basis! Other members of R&D would stand and cheer him on as he devoured his tasty morsel on the job, in blatant disregard to all common sense and federal narcotics laws! Some other members of R&D were reportedly so under the influence that their munchie attacks became mundane and boring, and they had to challenge themselves to find other sources of culinary experimentation after helping themselves to the illegal brownie of temptation. One staffer was so affected by the illegal confection that the local pizzeria knew his number and preferences by heart! And, to top it all off, one poor soul was so traumatized by his narcotic sweet-treat abuse that he began experimenting with different movies, sitting through hour after agonizing hour of crappy movie after crappy movie, just so he could ingest another hand-made happy-cake and re-watch the movie to compare the experiences!

Traumatized R&D member: “Duuuuuude, have you ever seen ‘Saving Private Ryan’?”
R&D Supervisor: “Yeeaaahh…”
Traumatized R&D member: “But have you ever seen it… on BROWNIES???”

Dear reader, this random drug abuse only exposes how wretched our society has become! The very game we know and love, after being molested by a group of munchie-craving potheads, has been used to make veiled attacks against poor, unsuspecting fellow Americans!

“With no further options, I was forced to don the mask.”
—Rashida Scalebane

No further options, indeed! Dear reader, I don’t know about you, but your humble reporter has run out of options and is being forced to don his barf-bag. If we are lucky, this recent tidbit of information is a sign that R&D has seen the errors of its’ ways, and that they are beginning to repent, and might actually stop abusing themselves before we have a set focused solely upon multi-player, junior-high-school-skill-level goblin and elf creature themes.

I encourage you all to go home and hug your families tonight, and pray to your respective deities that R&D seeks the rehab it desperately needs. Good night, and God Bless.

- Reverend Bob the Junkie
Upstanding American and Ethics Watchman

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Yes Dear Reader, our worst fears have been confirmed! Shortly after making his 7,534,524,642,346,745,346,324,000,000,000,004th veiled reference to his former job writing in Hollywood for the Grossanne show, Mark Rosewater has admitted that R&D IS, as suspected (and feared), on drugs! R&D’s "special brownies" are enjoyed by all! Players around the world have always made drug references upon seeing spoiler lists and/or their pre-release packs, but few (if any) would ever have guessed at the horrifying truth that lurked in the shadows!

Dear reader, the situation only degrades from here! In a weekly column, the head of R&D described the hedonism that has been perpetrated in the Holy Halls of Creation! One member of R&D reportedly downed one of the special brownies at work on a daily basis! Other members of R&D would stand and cheer him on as he devoured his tasty morsel on the job, in blatant disregard to all common sense and federal narcotics laws! Some other members of R&D were reportedly so under the influence that their munchie attacks became mundane and boring, and they had to challenge themselves to find other sources of culinary experimentation after helping themselves to the illegal brownie of temptation. One staffer was so affected by the illegal confection that the local pizzeria knew his number and preferences by heart! And, to top it all off, one poor soul was so traumatized by his narcotic sweet-treat abuse that he began experimenting with different movies, sitting through hour after agonizing hour of crappy movie after crappy movie, just so he could ingest another hand-made happy-cake and re-watch the movie to compare the experiences!

Traumatized R&D member: “Duuuuuude, have you ever seen ‘Saving Private Ryan’?”
R&D Supervisor: “Yeeaaahh…”
Traumatized R&D member: “But have you ever seen it… on BROWNIES???”

Dear reader, this random drug abuse only exposes how wretched our society has become! The very game we know and love, after being molested by a group of munchie-craving potheads, has been used to make veiled attacks against poor, unsuspecting fellow Americans!

“With no further options, I was forced to don the mask.”
—Rashida Scalebane

No further options, indeed! Dear reader, I don’t know about you, but your humble reporter has run out of options and is being forced to don his barf-bag. If we are lucky, this recent tidbit of information is a sign that R&D has seen the errors of its’ ways, and that they are beginning to repent, and might actually stop abusing themselves before we have a set focused solely upon multi-player, junior-high-school-skill-level goblin and elf creature themes.

I encourage you all to go home and hug your families tonight, and pray to your respective deities that R&D seeks the rehab it desperately needs. Good night, and God Bless.

- Reverend Bob the Junkie
Upstanding American and Ethics Watchman

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!