Flags waved at half-mast yesterday at the unprecedented news that Oscar Tan had lost a match to a TnT deck at some undetermined point last week.

Despite the fact that Tan had churned out an amazing seventy articles in his popular series "You CAN Play Type One (But You Can't Fucking Afford It)," up until now he had managed to win every game he had written about. No matter how steep the odds, Oscar had managed to pull out wins in hundred of carefully-edited Apprentice logs, where he made sure to point out all the brilliant plays he made.

"Tan was the master!" said Jacob Hornbender, an ardent follower of Oscar's columns. "Despite the fact that he never actually showed up at any tournaments, instead choosing to play in an imaginary world where everyone can afford fifteen Black Lotus and stuff their decks with Moxen until their ears bleed jewelry, he knew the Vintage metagame - well enough to talk shit about everyone who ever disagreed with him, anyway. Now he's just another scrub."

Hornbender, who has been saving up for three years to afford an Ancestral Recall, said that reading five billion words about a deck he could never afford and would likely never face in a tournament had helped him immensely.

"Just the other day, I was in a money draft," he said, "And I cracked open an Airborne Aid. And thanks to Oscar's endless blather, I knew that card drawing was good. That deck went 1-2 thanks to Oscar Tan."

Oscar Tan won the Writer War 2002, partially based on the fact that he had never lost a match, and partially due to the fact that his main competitor, John Friggin' Rizzo, died a month before the finals.

Tan also enjoyed a rapport with several name pros, who he liked to mention as often as a man with Tourette's syndrome shouts "fuck!". In light of his new loser status, pros are now expected to drop bricks on his hut whenever they fly over the Philippines.

Still, die-hard fans are holding out hope that their hero did not actually fail. "He never actually showed the end of the Apprentice log!" said Hornbender, brightening. "Maybe he didn't really lose! It could be a joke!"

"I'm not sure what I should do now," said Oscar. "Can I sue someone?"

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Flags waved at half-mast yesterday at the unprecedented news that Oscar Tan had lost a match to a TnT deck at some undetermined point last week.

Despite the fact that Tan had churned out an amazing seventy articles in his popular series "You CAN Play Type One (But You Can't Fucking Afford It)," up until now he had managed to win every game he had written about. No matter how steep the odds, Oscar had managed to pull out wins in hundred of carefully-edited Apprentice logs, where he made sure to point out all the brilliant plays he made.

"Tan was the master!" said Jacob Hornbender, an ardent follower of Oscar's columns. "Despite the fact that he never actually showed up at any tournaments, instead choosing to play in an imaginary world where everyone can afford fifteen Black Lotus and stuff their decks with Moxen until their ears bleed jewelry, he knew the Vintage metagame - well enough to talk shit about everyone who ever disagreed with him, anyway. Now he's just another scrub."

Hornbender, who has been saving up for three years to afford an Ancestral Recall, said that reading five billion words about a deck he could never afford and would likely never face in a tournament had helped him immensely.

"Just the other day, I was in a money draft," he said, "And I cracked open an Airborne Aid. And thanks to Oscar's endless blather, I knew that card drawing was good. That deck went 1-2 thanks to Oscar Tan."

Oscar Tan won the Writer War 2002, partially based on the fact that he had never lost a match, and partially due to the fact that his main competitor, John Friggin' Rizzo, died a month before the finals.

Tan also enjoyed a rapport with several name pros, who he liked to mention as often as a man with Tourette's syndrome shouts "fuck!". In light of his new loser status, pros are now expected to drop bricks on his hut whenever they fly over the Philippines.

Still, die-hard fans are holding out hope that their hero did not actually fail. "He never actually showed the end of the Apprentice log!" said Hornbender, brightening. "Maybe he didn't really lose! It could be a joke!"

"I'm not sure what I should do now," said Oscar. "Can I sue someone?"

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!