PERTH, AUSTRALIA -- In a move that astounded trademark lawyers across the globe, Brainburst writer Jarrod Bright announced that he now owns the copyright any deck containing the words "4x Birds of Paradise, 4x Llanowar Elves." Players running decks containing these creatures must pay Bright a set fee, which will be ranked on a scale according to lifetime total winnings.

"It's only logical," said Bright, resting in his palace in Australia, where the checks were already beginning to flood in. "After realizing that out of five million Magic players, only I had come up with the idea of putting four Birds and four Elves in a G/W deck - and seeing the flood of people across the nation who slavishly followed me - I said, 'Hey - why not make some money off of these morons? After all, Brainburst makes a living catering to morons.' I called my lawyer, we signed some contracts, and now I'm rolling in bucks."

Bright came to this realization shortly after stating that "some players enjoyed explosive starts by taking my advice on adding Birds of Paradise and Llanowar Elves" in his recent Brainburst article.

"I mean, who else would have thought of that?" he said. "I mean, those two cards have been in the base set for years - but did you see them anywhere else but in Nu-Tech? It took my genius to highlight them! I deserve the money!"

Bright then set afire a large pile of Australian dollars, then pissed on them to put them out.

Bright has expanded his trademark to include any deck that runs any form of mana acceleration - including Grim Monolith, Moxes, Havenwood Battleground, Dark Ritual, and "Did I play a land this turn?"

Decks that utilize "Bright's Magical Mana Acceleratore™," as it will be referred to in the future, will pay a sliding fee, starting at $1.50 for Friday Night Magic and ramping up to $350 for the Masters series and the Invitational.

Pros are already scrambling to copyright other Magical methods. "I have a deck idea that revolves around small red creatures, lots of burn, and no resilience in the late game," said famous pro Kai Budde. "I think I'll call it Slai."

Bright has been on a winning streak in Magic recently, coming in 4th at Australia States and winning Team Academy's "Bitch of the Month" award for the second time in a year, making him the current leader in Bitch Points. He also holds the world record for successive winnings in the "Marty Feldman Look Alike" contest.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

PERTH, AUSTRALIA -- In a move that astounded trademark lawyers across the globe, Brainburst writer Jarrod Bright announced that he now owns the copyright any deck containing the words "4x Birds of Paradise, 4x Llanowar Elves." Players running decks containing these creatures must pay Bright a set fee, which will be ranked on a scale according to lifetime total winnings.

"It's only logical," said Bright, resting in his palace in Australia, where the checks were already beginning to flood in. "After realizing that out of five million Magic players, only I had come up with the idea of putting four Birds and four Elves in a G/W deck - and seeing the flood of people across the nation who slavishly followed me - I said, 'Hey - why not make some money off of these morons? After all, Brainburst makes a living catering to morons.' I called my lawyer, we signed some contracts, and now I'm rolling in bucks."

Bright came to this realization shortly after stating that "some players enjoyed explosive starts by taking my advice on adding Birds of Paradise and Llanowar Elves" in his recent Brainburst article.

"I mean, who else would have thought of that?" he said. "I mean, those two cards have been in the base set for years - but did you see them anywhere else but in Nu-Tech? It took my genius to highlight them! I deserve the money!"

Bright then set afire a large pile of Australian dollars, then pissed on them to put them out.

Bright has expanded his trademark to include any deck that runs any form of mana acceleration - including Grim Monolith, Moxes, Havenwood Battleground, Dark Ritual, and "Did I play a land this turn?"

Decks that utilize "Bright's Magical Mana Acceleratore™," as it will be referred to in the future, will pay a sliding fee, starting at $1.50 for Friday Night Magic and ramping up to $350 for the Masters series and the Invitational.

Pros are already scrambling to copyright other Magical methods. "I have a deck idea that revolves around small red creatures, lots of burn, and no resilience in the late game," said famous pro Kai Budde. "I think I'll call it Slai."

Bright has been on a winning streak in Magic recently, coming in 4th at Australia States and winning Team Academy's "Bitch of the Month" award for the second time in a year, making him the current leader in Bitch Points. He also holds the world record for successive winnings in the "Marty Feldman Look Alike" contest.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!