The city of New Orleans. The Big Easy. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. It is no wonder that it has become one of the most popular tournament sites among Magic: the Gathering professionals. Famous for it’s Girls Gone Wild, (you won’t believe what they will do!), Nawleans ranks highly as one of the game’s most popular venues; falling right behind Amsterdam, Las Vegas, and Mos Eisley.

With the tournament so soon after the New Year, many gamers showed up early and got their party on. As tournament day drew near, our heroes found themselves having difficulty bringing themselves to the gaming table, what with all the debauchery to be had, but as a true gamer once said, “I’ve snorted coke off a stripper’s tit, but I’d rather be attacking for two.” It is only by staying true to this creed that our heroes were able to sum up the willpower necessary bring themselves to the table, focused on casting spells and turning men.

Trey Van Cleave Back From the Dead

In other news, Trey Van Cleave managed to slip his way into the top 8 last weekend without the judging staff being able to pin anything on him. Although many may have Forgot about Trey we at MiseTings still remember.

For being one of the games top money makers, Trey got suspiciously little coverage from the Sideboard, with the exception of his round 14 Feature Match with Peter “PTR” Szigeti. The Sideboard could no longer resist. Playing for the top 8, it was a battle of antagonists, and the Playa Haters following the coverage just could not decide whom to root against. PTR, the sort of man that would sneak into your room when you are sleeping, and put your hand in a glass of warm water so that you might wet yourself; or Trey van Cleave, the sort of man that would sneak into your room when you are sleeping and put your hand in a vat of hydrofluoric acid.

Zvi Wins With Turbo Land, World Prepares for Armageddon

“Zvi Mowshowitz finally achieved his dream of winning a major tournament with Turbo-Land. The world is scheduled to be ending shortly.”
- Alex Shvartsman

Indeed it is, Alex. When Eugene Harvey extended his hand in concession last Sunday, the very fabric of reality as we know it has been ripped asunder. The “Armageddon Clock”, as it were, has been set, and to my knowledge there is no snooze button. I’m talking Wrath of God type stuff. Fire and Brimstone coming down from the skies, rivers and seas boiling. Legions of Zvilings cackling mercilessly as they swarm PTQs with copies of the latest Zvi technology, found on the Sideboard under “My Turbo Land, Part 12.” Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria!

Being one of the first to learn of the ominous news, Geddes promptly had a seizure, and I don’t blame him one bit. Although already dead, rather than bare witness to the end of days, “Mouth” has vowed to jump off a cliff. He’s such a tease. Personally, I don’t know how I am going to celebrate Armageddon, but it will probably involve a web browser and a box of Kleenex.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

The city of New Orleans. The Big Easy. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. It is no wonder that it has become one of the most popular tournament sites among Magic: the Gathering professionals. Famous for it’s Girls Gone Wild, (you won’t believe what they will do!), Nawleans ranks highly as one of the game’s most popular venues; falling right behind Amsterdam, Las Vegas, and Mos Eisley.

With the tournament so soon after the New Year, many gamers showed up early and got their party on. As tournament day drew near, our heroes found themselves having difficulty bringing themselves to the gaming table, what with all the debauchery to be had, but as a true gamer once said, “I’ve snorted coke off a stripper’s tit, but I’d rather be attacking for two.” It is only by staying true to this creed that our heroes were able to sum up the willpower necessary bring themselves to the table, focused on casting spells and turning men.

Trey Van Cleave Back From the Dead

In other news, Trey Van Cleave managed to slip his way into the top 8 last weekend without the judging staff being able to pin anything on him. Although many may have Forgot about Trey we at MiseTings still remember.

For being one of the games top money makers, Trey got suspiciously little coverage from the Sideboard, with the exception of his round 14 Feature Match with Peter “PTR” Szigeti. The Sideboard could no longer resist. Playing for the top 8, it was a battle of antagonists, and the Playa Haters following the coverage just could not decide whom to root against. PTR, the sort of man that would sneak into your room when you are sleeping, and put your hand in a glass of warm water so that you might wet yourself; or Trey van Cleave, the sort of man that would sneak into your room when you are sleeping and put your hand in a vat of hydrofluoric acid.

Zvi Wins With Turbo Land, World Prepares for Armageddon

“Zvi Mowshowitz finally achieved his dream of winning a major tournament with Turbo-Land. The world is scheduled to be ending shortly.”
- Alex Shvartsman

Indeed it is, Alex. When Eugene Harvey extended his hand in concession last Sunday, the very fabric of reality as we know it has been ripped asunder. The “Armageddon Clock”, as it were, has been set, and to my knowledge there is no snooze button. I’m talking Wrath of God type stuff. Fire and Brimstone coming down from the skies, rivers and seas boiling. Legions of Zvilings cackling mercilessly as they swarm PTQs with copies of the latest Zvi technology, found on the Sideboard under “My Turbo Land, Part 12.” Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria!

Being one of the first to learn of the ominous news, Geddes promptly had a seizure, and I don’t blame him one bit. Although already dead, rather than bare witness to the end of days, “Mouth” has vowed to jump off a cliff. He’s such a tease. Personally, I don’t know how I am going to celebrate Armageddon, but it will probably involve a web browser and a box of Kleenex.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!