Renton, WA -- In a recent press release WotC announces that it will completely ruin the look of Magic: The Gathering cards in honor of the game’s 10-year anniversary.

“Players these days have horrible taste,” said WotC ‘graphic artist’ Richard Moroni, “just pick a random haircut at any given PT. And don’t get me started on the white boys wearing FUBU. We felt that a really terrible design would better represent the player base.”

According to WotC sources, things that have worked perfectly well for ten years need replacing immediately with things that suck. Many trained monkeys in the Wizards design department have been screeching with glee for days straight over this announcement. Whereas their previous attempt to ruin the appearance of Magic cards failed (A couple of years ago, the Sideboard released prototype images of a hybrid between an L5R and a Battletech card as a possible new design for Magic cards, but WotC execs hadn’t been smoking enough crack at the time to permit the design to make it onto actual cards. Now, the smoking is apparently out of hand, but at least the cards aren’t going to be printed sideways.)

Magic creator Phelddagrif had this to say about the changes: “I have always complained that the power and toughness, which is so crucial to any game involving creature cards, because creatures have powers and toughnesses, unlike other cards which don’t, needed to be easier to see. Rather than buying new glasses or printing the P/T numbers in bolder print, I figured it would be better to utterly fuck up the look of all Magic sets to come.”

Pheldagrif added, “Dick Moroni is a great designer. I really like Dick.”

The 8th Edition set will feature other changes, also, including new background templates. These changes will drastically change artifact colors from brown to silver, a design change which also pleased the trained monkeys, who made the difficult decision by hitting “silver” on a color chart with their own poo.

Lastly, the expansion symbol for this 10th anniversary Magic set was announced: A Hasbro executive with money flying out of his wallet.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Renton, WA -- In a recent press release WotC announces that it will completely ruin the look of Magic: The Gathering cards in honor of the game’s 10-year anniversary.

“Players these days have horrible taste,” said WotC ‘graphic artist’ Richard Moroni, “just pick a random haircut at any given PT. And don’t get me started on the white boys wearing FUBU. We felt that a really terrible design would better represent the player base.”

According to WotC sources, things that have worked perfectly well for ten years need replacing immediately with things that suck. Many trained monkeys in the Wizards design department have been screeching with glee for days straight over this announcement. Whereas their previous attempt to ruin the appearance of Magic cards failed (A couple of years ago, the Sideboard released prototype images of a hybrid between an L5R and a Battletech card as a possible new design for Magic cards, but WotC execs hadn’t been smoking enough crack at the time to permit the design to make it onto actual cards. Now, the smoking is apparently out of hand, but at least the cards aren’t going to be printed sideways.)

Magic creator Phelddagrif had this to say about the changes: “I have always complained that the power and toughness, which is so crucial to any game involving creature cards, because creatures have powers and toughnesses, unlike other cards which don’t, needed to be easier to see. Rather than buying new glasses or printing the P/T numbers in bolder print, I figured it would be better to utterly fuck up the look of all Magic sets to come.”

Pheldagrif added, “Dick Moroni is a great designer. I really like Dick.”

The 8th Edition set will feature other changes, also, including new background templates. These changes will drastically change artifact colors from brown to silver, a design change which also pleased the trained monkeys, who made the difficult decision by hitting “silver” on a color chart with their own poo.

Lastly, the expansion symbol for this 10th anniversary Magic set was announced: A Hasbro executive with money flying out of his wallet.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!