AP - A dark basement, somewhere -- The creator of Magic, Richard Garfield, finally spoke out today about the redesign of the card faces for 8th Edition.

"Ghhhhht muhhhhh uhhhhtuhhhhh huuuhhh! Pluuuuuuhhhs!"

The ball gag was removed from the noticeably-sweating Garfield's mouth. A lone spotlight shone down on him, with many huge, unidentifiable thugs standing around in the shadows.

"There, that's better. Well, many of you have contacted me, wondering what I think of Magic's new look. I have to tell you, I absolutely ha-"

A shotgun blast. A piercing scream.

"Haaaaaalove it! I love it!" said Garfield, a forced grin on his face. "You know, I've had a lot of time to think down here in the dark, chained to this chair..."

At this point, Garfield was backhanded by one of the thugs. He immediately began crying, and proceeded to do so until another one commanded, in a gruff voice, "Shut up."

*sniff* "I'm sorry, guys. I don't know what to do. I handed this game over to people I thought I could trust, and what have they done? RUINED IT!!! All my hard work, my vision, my ambition... destroyed because the foils weren't cool enough! Christ..."

"I wasn't always the broken man you see before you today. Oh, I used to love games, especially Magic. It was my pride and joy. My friends and I would go skiing all day, and at night, relax with some hot cocoa and a marathon game of Alpha. Oh, to have those days back again! But Magic became too big for me! I had to defer some of the power I had gained... and slowly, so slowly, they sapped it all away. Soon, I was nothing more than a mouthpiece for Hasbro. But I fought! Tooth and nail, I did! But they were too strong for me. I had created a Frankenstein's monster, and it had run amok. When I spoke out against the new design, they decided that there could not be any dissension in the ranks, and I was exiled to this little corner of hell. I'm sorry, guys, but I don't know what else to do!"

One of the thugs proclaimed, "All right, that's enough. Time for more electroshock." As the figures drug the bound Garfield into the darkness, he could be heard yelling, "Damn you, Buehler! Damn you, Rosewater! I will have my reveeeeeeeeeeeeennnngggge..."

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AP - A dark basement, somewhere -- The creator of Magic, Richard Garfield, finally spoke out today about the redesign of the card faces for 8th Edition.

"Ghhhhht muhhhhh uhhhhtuhhhhh huuuhhh! Pluuuuuuhhhs!"

The ball gag was removed from the noticeably-sweating Garfield's mouth. A lone spotlight shone down on him, with many huge, unidentifiable thugs standing around in the shadows.

"There, that's better. Well, many of you have contacted me, wondering what I think of Magic's new look. I have to tell you, I absolutely ha-"

A shotgun blast. A piercing scream.

"Haaaaaalove it! I love it!" said Garfield, a forced grin on his face. "You know, I've had a lot of time to think down here in the dark, chained to this chair..."

At this point, Garfield was backhanded by one of the thugs. He immediately began crying, and proceeded to do so until another one commanded, in a gruff voice, "Shut up."

*sniff* "I'm sorry, guys. I don't know what to do. I handed this game over to people I thought I could trust, and what have they done? RUINED IT!!! All my hard work, my vision, my ambition... destroyed because the foils weren't cool enough! Christ..."

"I wasn't always the broken man you see before you today. Oh, I used to love games, especially Magic. It was my pride and joy. My friends and I would go skiing all day, and at night, relax with some hot cocoa and a marathon game of Alpha. Oh, to have those days back again! But Magic became too big for me! I had to defer some of the power I had gained... and slowly, so slowly, they sapped it all away. Soon, I was nothing more than a mouthpiece for Hasbro. But I fought! Tooth and nail, I did! But they were too strong for me. I had created a Frankenstein's monster, and it had run amok. When I spoke out against the new design, they decided that there could not be any dissension in the ranks, and I was exiled to this little corner of hell. I'm sorry, guys, but I don't know what else to do!"

One of the thugs proclaimed, "All right, that's enough. Time for more electroshock." As the figures drug the bound Garfield into the darkness, he could be heard yelling, "Damn you, Buehler! Damn you, Rosewater! I will have my reveeeeeeeeeeeeennnngggge..."

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!