The latest news from a busy week.

Fossils Unearthed At GP Boston

A team of archaeologists unexpectedly discovered multiple ancient fossil specimens at Grand Prix Boston this weekend, sources reported. These remnants from Magic’s past were identified as such once-notable players as Shawn “Hammer” Regnier, David Bachmann, and Mike Bregoli.

“We were quite surprised to find these fossils still intact after all these years,” said lead scientist Dr. Gil Laden, noting that many of the dinosaurs were in good enough condition to make Day 2. “In some cases, the bodies were preserved well enough that we could identify not only what they were, but even their last meal and the last time they took a shower. This creature, for example, was known as a ‘Matthew Vienneau' and its last meal was enormous quantities of liquor.” Another crumbled pile of bones was found near a pile of awful blue and green cards at Pod 5 of Draft 2 and was identified as the remains of the ancient Ryan Fuller, whose aging flesh had apparently disintegrated resulting in Fuller being dropped from the tournament

The Grand Prix itself was won by Brian Kibler, better known as the Dragonmaster. En route to the title, Kibler had to defeat Mark Zadjner, himself the Dragonmaster of a deck featuring both Quicksilver Dragon and Kilnmouth Dragon. According to friends, Zadjner has been forcing red and blue in the hopes of opening a dragon ever since he went to Burger King and received a free plastic toy Dragon as part of the new “Burger King™: We’re All Dragonmasters Here!” promotional campaign.

Following the win, Kibler then received a ride home, as well as a bottle of Poland Springs purified water, from his mom.

“Uncle Pete” Leiher Knighted

End Games owner Pete Leiher, or “Uncle Pete” as he is affectionately known, was granted knighthood last week in an emotional ceremony. Leiher drew attention recently after getting in an argument with store co-owner Mike Long, which resulted in Long abruptly removing his merchandise from the store before its lease expired. In the weeks since, Leiher has received overwhelming support from affected players and observers alike, who have lauded Leiher’s history of exemplary conduct acting in the best interest of the game.

Following the ceremony, the honorable Sir Leiher met with various dignitaries and world leaders, who praised him as “a man worthy of utmost respect, admiration, and trust.” Several officials also noted that “Mike Long is a total bag.”

More than three thousand people have offered their support and assistance in helping the venerable Leiher to reopen the End Games, including the mayor of Charlottesville, who presented Leiher with the keys to the city last week. “I am truly overwhelmed by this great honor and show of support… it means so much to me,” an emotional Leiher told reporters following the ceremony. Leiher then paused to collect himself, at which point US Nationals head judge Collin Jackson informed him that if he did not act upon his priority he would be issued a game loss for stalling.

Romao Rapidly Gaining Reputation, Shirt Sizes

Brazilian Carlos Romao, the reigning World Champion, further magnified his reputation with a 2nd place finish at Grand Prix Sevilla, leaving no doubt that his win at Worlds was not a fluke. Ever since his initial win at a South American Grand Prix, Romao has risen to respectability with a speed matched only by his growing shirt sizes.

The weekend began auspiciously for Romao, who came in with three byes. While his card pool was unspectacular, Romao was able to consume the two players sitting next to him and add a selection of their playables to his pool, carrying him to the top of the day 1 standings and above the 350-pound mark. The Gentle Giant’s streak continued through the draft portion of the event, as his weight caused the draft table to list dangerously to his side, scattering his opponents’ piles of drafted cards in disarray and resulting in several game losses.

Romao gets ready to devour the Top 8.

The top 8 began with Romao defeating Spaniard Javier Perez Fresnedo with play skill. Romao’s intimidating stature allowed him to then conceal Kai Budde under his shirt without attracting attention, who gave him the tips he needed to oust Antoine Ruel in the semifinals. In the finals, Romao’s mythic proportions won him yet another game (by enchanting a Taunting Elf) against Anton Jonsson. However, the clever Swede was able to use his handsome features and arresting charisma to distract Romao, seducing him with his suave charms and walking away with the Brazilian’s heart, as well as the $2400 top prize. Romao’s second-place finish netted him $1700, to be paid out in dozen-donas installments over the next six months.

Dougherty Dishonored, Commits Ritual Seppuku

In sobering news, Your Move Games founder and Pro Tour mainstay Rob Dougherty claimed his own life last weekend through the ancient Japanese custom of ritual seppuku. The drastic measure is expected to help Dougherty retain some sense of honor after being disgraced by Neutral Ground in the five-round Grudge Match series.

The funeral is tentatively planned for this Friday after FNM and will be covered live on Sideboard.com. Dougherty is survived by his wife and Star Trek collection.

According the sources, Dougherty’s decision was made after his 32-man single elimination qualifier failed to produce a respectable representative for Your Move Games such as Justin Gary or Darwin Kastle, making it highly unlikely that YMG would have any chance to keep their sense of dignity after losing the first 4 Grudge Matches. While Dougherty was unfamiliar with the specifics of the seppuku ritual, he reportedly found a suitable set of instructions on www.realultimatepower.net in time to perform the rite at Grand Prix Boston.

Dougherty’s death comes at a particularly harsh time for a Boston Magic community already reeling from the loss of three other Your Move Games regulars, who slit their wrists last month after learning that Zvi Mowshowitz was to become a permanent member of the YMG playtest group.

Gamer to Write Onslaught Limited Foils Review

16-year-old gamer Carl Dolan announced that he will write a comprehensive review of the foil cards in Onslaught for purposes of limited play, sources reported. Calling previous efforts “glaringly incomplete,” Dolan assured readers that his review will be the definitive guide for drafting the 700-card Onslaught set.

“The thing that bothers me about the limited reviews out there right now is that they aren’t very practical,” Dolan told reporters. “I mean, what good is it to know that Cruel Revival is the best black common if you crack open Revival with a foil Aggravated Assault? You need to have some idea about the relative power levels of the entire set, not just the non-premium half of it.”

Spokespersons for Dolan offered a taste of the individual card analysis that will be included in the foils review. “Sparksmith is a very good foil, able to shoot down enemy creatures at the cost of a few life points,” wrote Dolan. “Even better, foil Sparksmith counts all goblins in play, not just the shiny ones, and there are plenty of playable goblins to help him such as Goblin Sledder, Goblin Taskmaster, foil Goblin Sky Raider, and Reckless One. Foil Voice of the Woods is also an amazing card; I’ve never seen one personally but I’ve heard that the foil version produces shiny Elemental tokens.”

In addition to discussing individual cards, Dolan’s review will also contain overall pick orders in the style of popular writers such as Nick Eisel. “Red is probably the best color to draft in Onslaught, and your bottom line pick order should look something like this:

1. Foil Rorix Bladewing
2. Foil Starstorm
3. Foil Voice of the Woods
4. Foil Exalted Angel (moves up to 1st in Red/White)
5. Foil Slice and Dice
6. Foil Sparksmith
7. Foil Solar Blast
8. Foil Reckless One (better if you have Sparksmith of foil Sparksmith)
9. Slice and Dice
10. Foil Blistering Firecat
11. Sparksmith
12. Foil Shock
13. Solar Blast
14. Foil Heedless One
15. Phage the Untouchable

I’ve also heard rumors about a rare red enchantment that can make a 5/5 Dragon every turn; that would be an excellent foil to have in your deck.” Dolan’s review is expected to appear on StarCity as early as next week, and will be eligible for a $50 prize.

Mike Flores Fails to Win Tournament

Veteran superstar Mike Flores, whose years of dominance in deck construction and play skill have earned him near-legendary status, failed to win the Boston Open despite once again having the consensus best deck ever in standard. BP Flores attributed the disappointing 0-2 performance to “invested Island virtual mana superiority” allowing for “dedicated board creature redundancy advantage” on the part of his opponents. Flores hopes to avenge his loss with a strong performance at the next Pro Tour he qualifies for.

Play of the Week

The Top 8 at GP Sevilla featured World Champion Carlos Romao squaring off against Spaniard Javier Perez Fresnedo. Now, MiseTings’ own MD would be the first to tell you that Spanish-speakers have some strange ideas about how to play Magic, but even he could not have expected this tech. As reported by Rui Oliveira, Romao seemed to be planning miles ahead, sending his team led by a Taunting Elf to put Fresnedo away. However, the Spaniard had a trick that the Champ could not have expected: tapping a plains and three swamps, Fresnedo slammed down the Chastise that he had been holding for just this occasion. The Judgment uncommon took out the Elf and allowed Fresnedo to set up the blocks to his immense advantage, to which Romao no doubt exclaimed “Ay carumba!” Fresnedo then went on to let Romao beat him with Shepherd of Rot anyway.

Have a Play of the Week that Shvartsman rejected, or just feel like making something up? Send a private message to cavedan or email me at cavedan199@yahoo.com.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

The latest news from a busy week.

Fossils Unearthed At GP Boston

A team of archaeologists unexpectedly discovered multiple ancient fossil specimens at Grand Prix Boston this weekend, sources reported. These remnants from Magic’s past were identified as such once-notable players as Shawn “Hammer” Regnier, David Bachmann, and Mike Bregoli.

“We were quite surprised to find these fossils still intact after all these years,” said lead scientist Dr. Gil Laden, noting that many of the dinosaurs were in good enough condition to make Day 2. “In some cases, the bodies were preserved well enough that we could identify not only what they were, but even their last meal and the last time they took a shower. This creature, for example, was known as a ‘Matthew Vienneau' and its last meal was enormous quantities of liquor.” Another crumbled pile of bones was found near a pile of awful blue and green cards at Pod 5 of Draft 2 and was identified as the remains of the ancient Ryan Fuller, whose aging flesh had apparently disintegrated resulting in Fuller being dropped from the tournament

The Grand Prix itself was won by Brian Kibler, better known as the Dragonmaster. En route to the title, Kibler had to defeat Mark Zadjner, himself the Dragonmaster of a deck featuring both Quicksilver Dragon and Kilnmouth Dragon. According to friends, Zadjner has been forcing red and blue in the hopes of opening a dragon ever since he went to Burger King and received a free plastic toy Dragon as part of the new “Burger King™: We’re All Dragonmasters Here!” promotional campaign.

Following the win, Kibler then received a ride home, as well as a bottle of Poland Springs purified water, from his mom.

“Uncle Pete” Leiher Knighted

End Games owner Pete Leiher, or “Uncle Pete” as he is affectionately known, was granted knighthood last week in an emotional ceremony. Leiher drew attention recently after getting in an argument with store co-owner Mike Long, which resulted in Long abruptly removing his merchandise from the store before its lease expired. In the weeks since, Leiher has received overwhelming support from affected players and observers alike, who have lauded Leiher’s history of exemplary conduct acting in the best interest of the game.

Following the ceremony, the honorable Sir Leiher met with various dignitaries and world leaders, who praised him as “a man worthy of utmost respect, admiration, and trust.” Several officials also noted that “Mike Long is a total bag.”

More than three thousand people have offered their support and assistance in helping the venerable Leiher to reopen the End Games, including the mayor of Charlottesville, who presented Leiher with the keys to the city last week. “I am truly overwhelmed by this great honor and show of support… it means so much to me,” an emotional Leiher told reporters following the ceremony. Leiher then paused to collect himself, at which point US Nationals head judge Collin Jackson informed him that if he did not act upon his priority he would be issued a game loss for stalling.

Romao Rapidly Gaining Reputation, Shirt Sizes

Brazilian Carlos Romao, the reigning World Champion, further magnified his reputation with a 2nd place finish at Grand Prix Sevilla, leaving no doubt that his win at Worlds was not a fluke. Ever since his initial win at a South American Grand Prix, Romao has risen to respectability with a speed matched only by his growing shirt sizes.

The weekend began auspiciously for Romao, who came in with three byes. While his card pool was unspectacular, Romao was able to consume the two players sitting next to him and add a selection of their playables to his pool, carrying him to the top of the day 1 standings and above the 350-pound mark. The Gentle Giant’s streak continued through the draft portion of the event, as his weight caused the draft table to list dangerously to his side, scattering his opponents’ piles of drafted cards in disarray and resulting in several game losses.

Romao gets ready to devour the Top 8.

The top 8 began with Romao defeating Spaniard Javier Perez Fresnedo with play skill. Romao’s intimidating stature allowed him to then conceal Kai Budde under his shirt without attracting attention, who gave him the tips he needed to oust Antoine Ruel in the semifinals. In the finals, Romao’s mythic proportions won him yet another game (by enchanting a Taunting Elf) against Anton Jonsson. However, the clever Swede was able to use his handsome features and arresting charisma to distract Romao, seducing him with his suave charms and walking away with the Brazilian’s heart, as well as the $2400 top prize. Romao’s second-place finish netted him $1700, to be paid out in dozen-donas installments over the next six months.

Dougherty Dishonored, Commits Ritual Seppuku

In sobering news, Your Move Games founder and Pro Tour mainstay Rob Dougherty claimed his own life last weekend through the ancient Japanese custom of ritual seppuku. The drastic measure is expected to help Dougherty retain some sense of honor after being disgraced by Neutral Ground in the five-round Grudge Match series.

The funeral is tentatively planned for this Friday after FNM and will be covered live on Sideboard.com. Dougherty is survived by his wife and Star Trek collection.

According the sources, Dougherty’s decision was made after his 32-man single elimination qualifier failed to produce a respectable representative for Your Move Games such as Justin Gary or Darwin Kastle, making it highly unlikely that YMG would have any chance to keep their sense of dignity after losing the first 4 Grudge Matches. While Dougherty was unfamiliar with the specifics of the seppuku ritual, he reportedly found a suitable set of instructions on www.realultimatepower.net in time to perform the rite at Grand Prix Boston.

Dougherty’s death comes at a particularly harsh time for a Boston Magic community already reeling from the loss of three other Your Move Games regulars, who slit their wrists last month after learning that Zvi Mowshowitz was to become a permanent member of the YMG playtest group.

Gamer to Write Onslaught Limited Foils Review

16-year-old gamer Carl Dolan announced that he will write a comprehensive review of the foil cards in Onslaught for purposes of limited play, sources reported. Calling previous efforts “glaringly incomplete,” Dolan assured readers that his review will be the definitive guide for drafting the 700-card Onslaught set.

“The thing that bothers me about the limited reviews out there right now is that they aren’t very practical,” Dolan told reporters. “I mean, what good is it to know that Cruel Revival is the best black common if you crack open Revival with a foil Aggravated Assault? You need to have some idea about the relative power levels of the entire set, not just the non-premium half of it.”

Spokespersons for Dolan offered a taste of the individual card analysis that will be included in the foils review. “Sparksmith is a very good foil, able to shoot down enemy creatures at the cost of a few life points,” wrote Dolan. “Even better, foil Sparksmith counts all goblins in play, not just the shiny ones, and there are plenty of playable goblins to help him such as Goblin Sledder, Goblin Taskmaster, foil Goblin Sky Raider, and Reckless One. Foil Voice of the Woods is also an amazing card; I’ve never seen one personally but I’ve heard that the foil version produces shiny Elemental tokens.”

In addition to discussing individual cards, Dolan’s review will also contain overall pick orders in the style of popular writers such as Nick Eisel. “Red is probably the best color to draft in Onslaught, and your bottom line pick order should look something like this:

1. Foil Rorix Bladewing
2. Foil Starstorm
3. Foil Voice of the Woods
4. Foil Exalted Angel (moves up to 1st in Red/White)
5. Foil Slice and Dice
6. Foil Sparksmith
7. Foil Solar Blast
8. Foil Reckless One (better if you have Sparksmith of foil Sparksmith)
9. Slice and Dice
10. Foil Blistering Firecat
11. Sparksmith
12. Foil Shock
13. Solar Blast
14. Foil Heedless One
15. Phage the Untouchable

I’ve also heard rumors about a rare red enchantment that can make a 5/5 Dragon every turn; that would be an excellent foil to have in your deck.” Dolan’s review is expected to appear on StarCity as early as next week, and will be eligible for a $50 prize.

Mike Flores Fails to Win Tournament

Veteran superstar Mike Flores, whose years of dominance in deck construction and play skill have earned him near-legendary status, failed to win the Boston Open despite once again having the consensus best deck ever in standard. BP Flores attributed the disappointing 0-2 performance to “invested Island virtual mana superiority” allowing for “dedicated board creature redundancy advantage” on the part of his opponents. Flores hopes to avenge his loss with a strong performance at the next Pro Tour he qualifies for.

Play of the Week

The Top 8 at GP Sevilla featured World Champion Carlos Romao squaring off against Spaniard Javier Perez Fresnedo. Now, MiseTings’ own MD would be the first to tell you that Spanish-speakers have some strange ideas about how to play Magic, but even he could not have expected this tech. As reported by Rui Oliveira, Romao seemed to be planning miles ahead, sending his team led by a Taunting Elf to put Fresnedo away. However, the Spaniard had a trick that the Champ could not have expected: tapping a plains and three swamps, Fresnedo slammed down the Chastise that he had been holding for just this occasion. The Judgment uncommon took out the Elf and allowed Fresnedo to set up the blocks to his immense advantage, to which Romao no doubt exclaimed “Ay carumba!” Fresnedo then went on to let Romao beat him with Shepherd of Rot anyway.

Have a Play of the Week that Shvartsman rejected, or just feel like making something up? Send a private message to cavedan or email me at cavedan199@yahoo.com.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!