Renton, Washington -- After years of trying to educate a non-gamer public, Wizards of the Coast employees have collectively resigned themselves to a fate of making a niche product for gamers. Randy Buehler, former Pro Tour champion and current Wizards employee, sums up the employees’ general feelings:

“The general public is a bunch of retards. Every time I think that we have explained things as clearly as possible we get some idiotic question. Last Thursday was the final straw. We received the dumbest question of all time at www.magicthegathering.com. There is no way we can educate the public about the game. It’s hopeless. They are friggin’ morons.”

The question referred to by Buehler was the feature question for Ask Wizards on Thursday. It was short and to the point. And it belayed the unbelievable stupidity of the general consumer in terms of Magic. The question was as follows:

“What is a sideboard?”

After nearly ten years of making the game and at least six years of virtually proselytizing the game, it is clear that no new players will ever be added. An anonymous source inside the gaming giant, known only as Rich G., confirmed this fact.

“I mean come on, ‘What’s a sideboard?’ Geez, how dumb are these lugs. First, we made a rulebook as opposed to a comic. Then we simplified the rules. Then we made Starter sets. And now ten years later we are still getting questions like ‘What’s a sideboard?’ Christ, that is like asking ‘What’s a penis?’ in high school sex ed. classes. Outside of computer programmers and people that are already gamers, no one will ever start playing Magic on their own. The general public is just too damn stupid. I mean they couldn’t figure out voting ballots in Florida. How are they ever going to figure out the Stack? It ain’t going to happen. Ever.”

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Renton, Washington -- After years of trying to educate a non-gamer public, Wizards of the Coast employees have collectively resigned themselves to a fate of making a niche product for gamers. Randy Buehler, former Pro Tour champion and current Wizards employee, sums up the employees’ general feelings:

“The general public is a bunch of retards. Every time I think that we have explained things as clearly as possible we get some idiotic question. Last Thursday was the final straw. We received the dumbest question of all time at www.magicthegathering.com. There is no way we can educate the public about the game. It’s hopeless. They are friggin’ morons.”

The question referred to by Buehler was the feature question for Ask Wizards on Thursday. It was short and to the point. And it belayed the unbelievable stupidity of the general consumer in terms of Magic. The question was as follows:

“What is a sideboard?”

After nearly ten years of making the game and at least six years of virtually proselytizing the game, it is clear that no new players will ever be added. An anonymous source inside the gaming giant, known only as Rich G., confirmed this fact.

“I mean come on, ‘What’s a sideboard?’ Geez, how dumb are these lugs. First, we made a rulebook as opposed to a comic. Then we simplified the rules. Then we made Starter sets. And now ten years later we are still getting questions like ‘What’s a sideboard?’ Christ, that is like asking ‘What’s a penis?’ in high school sex ed. classes. Outside of computer programmers and people that are already gamers, no one will ever start playing Magic on their own. The general public is just too damn stupid. I mean they couldn’t figure out voting ballots in Florida. How are they ever going to figure out the Stack? It ain’t going to happen. Ever.”

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!