SCRANTON, PA - Contrary to his statements on the matter, 10-year-old know-it-all Jeremy Davids may actually know close to nothing about the game of Magic, according to reports from witnesses and friends.

Local Wizards of the Coast outlet manager Robert Smith: "He's a real work of nature; I've never seen anything quite like him. I remember the first Friday night tournament that he showed up for; he tried to convince us all that because his Plains said 'Tap: add one mana to your mana pool' that he could add two mana to his pool, since lands gave mana when they tapped. We were all stunned that someone would actually know that little about the game. He ended up being DQ'd from the tournament when we found 12 Healing Salves in his 103-card deck."

Psychologists and Magic scholars are at a loss to explain how someone that played the game of Magic so long could be so wrong so often. Meanwhile, his peers simply marvel at Jeremy's complete lack of a grasp on the most basic rules of Magic.

"It's almost like he reveled in his ignorance," said local tournament frequenter Peter Bargue. "That first game, he tried to drop three plains on the first turn. I was like 'you can't do that', and he said something like 'that's not how we play'. He called me retarded when I called the judge over. I could see why he was mad; besides the Salves, his mana curve started at about six."

Rune Glifberg, level 5 judge and Magic guru, rang in with his opinion: "I mean, most people would agree that familiarity with the game comes over time and that even the most novice players eventually adapt to the basic concepts. Not so with Jeremy; he actually seemed to grow stupider. He tried to argue with me - with ME! - at a pro tour event about whether Birds of Paradise should be able to block, then tap for mana to lay a mystic snake that could then block. The little shit just wouldn't let it go. Finally, I just told him to look it up in the rulebook. He gives me this strange look, and all I could read from it was that he had no clue that there were rules in this game."

"I was sitting at a table with him during the third round of the Odyssey pre-release," Bargue said. "He kept taunting his opponent about this 'Awesome card' he was going to play and completely kick ass with. Third turn, he gets this evil grin on his face, taps an island, a plains, and a mountain, then he lays down Shitty Doppleganger. His opponent breathes this huge sigh of relief; at this point he's probably figuring it's like an Iridescent Angel or something, and casts Engulfing Flames. Funny thing was, it didn't seem to faze Jeremy. Then, next turn, he plays Zombify, says something like 'Ha, deal with that, sucker.' When his opponent flashed back the Engulfing Flames, I thought I was going to pee my pants I was laughing so hard. We asked him after the game what he was hoping to bring in with the Doppleganger. When he showed us Zombie Assassin - I'm not kidding - my opponent actually laughed a taco shell through his nose and had to go to the hospital."

Jeremy's lack of Magic skills appear to be gaining a following, as tournament organizers report that people come just to watch Jeremy play.

"The sad thing," said Bargue, "is that Jeremy thinks they're coming to watch him play because he's GOOD. It's like he's not even in touch with reality. Like one time, he was playing this awful red-green deck based around these completely uncastable creatures and Game Preserve and Aether Rift. He has both of those suckers out somehow, and his opponent plays Fires of Yavimaya. Jeremy looks all panicked for some reason -the kid didn't have any creatures in his hand that the Fires could have affected. So on the next turn he casts - get this - Tranquility. There were about six people watching him that had to run out of the store to get some air - they were laughing so hard. But for the rest of the tournament he kept going about how he let people in on his secret "Tranquility" tech."

Bargue shook his head. "And now that he's been playing a couple years, he acts like he knows everything. Last week I heard him telling a kid how Cabal Therapy was 'fucking broken' with Faceless Butcher. Turns out, he was describing the stack trick that removes creatures form the game permanently because of that nightmare ability - never mind that Therapy is a sorcery. This little four-year-old looks at him and calls him an idiot. Greatest moment of my life."

"He's a moron," Smith said. "And if I see him tell one more person that the ability to change a creature type to 'flagbearer' makes Artificial Evolution overpowered, I swear to God I'm going to ban him from the store."

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

SCRANTON, PA - Contrary to his statements on the matter, 10-year-old know-it-all Jeremy Davids may actually know close to nothing about the game of Magic, according to reports from witnesses and friends.

Local Wizards of the Coast outlet manager Robert Smith: "He's a real work of nature; I've never seen anything quite like him. I remember the first Friday night tournament that he showed up for; he tried to convince us all that because his Plains said 'Tap: add one mana to your mana pool' that he could add two mana to his pool, since lands gave mana when they tapped. We were all stunned that someone would actually know that little about the game. He ended up being DQ'd from the tournament when we found 12 Healing Salves in his 103-card deck."

Psychologists and Magic scholars are at a loss to explain how someone that played the game of Magic so long could be so wrong so often. Meanwhile, his peers simply marvel at Jeremy's complete lack of a grasp on the most basic rules of Magic.

"It's almost like he reveled in his ignorance," said local tournament frequenter Peter Bargue. "That first game, he tried to drop three plains on the first turn. I was like 'you can't do that', and he said something like 'that's not how we play'. He called me retarded when I called the judge over. I could see why he was mad; besides the Salves, his mana curve started at about six."

Rune Glifberg, level 5 judge and Magic guru, rang in with his opinion: "I mean, most people would agree that familiarity with the game comes over time and that even the most novice players eventually adapt to the basic concepts. Not so with Jeremy; he actually seemed to grow stupider. He tried to argue with me - with ME! - at a pro tour event about whether Birds of Paradise should be able to block, then tap for mana to lay a mystic snake that could then block. The little shit just wouldn't let it go. Finally, I just told him to look it up in the rulebook. He gives me this strange look, and all I could read from it was that he had no clue that there were rules in this game."

"I was sitting at a table with him during the third round of the Odyssey pre-release," Bargue said. "He kept taunting his opponent about this 'Awesome card' he was going to play and completely kick ass with. Third turn, he gets this evil grin on his face, taps an island, a plains, and a mountain, then he lays down Shitty Doppleganger. His opponent breathes this huge sigh of relief; at this point he's probably figuring it's like an Iridescent Angel or something, and casts Engulfing Flames. Funny thing was, it didn't seem to faze Jeremy. Then, next turn, he plays Zombify, says something like 'Ha, deal with that, sucker.' When his opponent flashed back the Engulfing Flames, I thought I was going to pee my pants I was laughing so hard. We asked him after the game what he was hoping to bring in with the Doppleganger. When he showed us Zombie Assassin - I'm not kidding - my opponent actually laughed a taco shell through his nose and had to go to the hospital."

Jeremy's lack of Magic skills appear to be gaining a following, as tournament organizers report that people come just to watch Jeremy play.

"The sad thing," said Bargue, "is that Jeremy thinks they're coming to watch him play because he's GOOD. It's like he's not even in touch with reality. Like one time, he was playing this awful red-green deck based around these completely uncastable creatures and Game Preserve and Aether Rift. He has both of those suckers out somehow, and his opponent plays Fires of Yavimaya. Jeremy looks all panicked for some reason -the kid didn't have any creatures in his hand that the Fires could have affected. So on the next turn he casts - get this - Tranquility. There were about six people watching him that had to run out of the store to get some air - they were laughing so hard. But for the rest of the tournament he kept going about how he let people in on his secret "Tranquility" tech."

Bargue shook his head. "And now that he's been playing a couple years, he acts like he knows everything. Last week I heard him telling a kid how Cabal Therapy was 'fucking broken' with Faceless Butcher. Turns out, he was describing the stack trick that removes creatures form the game permanently because of that nightmare ability - never mind that Therapy is a sorcery. This little four-year-old looks at him and calls him an idiot. Greatest moment of my life."

"He's a moron," Smith said. "And if I see him tell one more person that the ability to change a creature type to 'flagbearer' makes Artificial Evolution overpowered, I swear to God I'm going to ban him from the store."

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!