An editorial by Nathan “Reverend Bob the Junkie” Woodall, FNM Beatstick at large.

Well, after the debacle that was CTA#3, I was going to hold off for another month before writing this episode up. Unlike the prestigious author of the Week In Review columns, I just don’t have the patience to rummage for my material. But every now and then, I am inspired. Sometimes, something scrumptious just comes along and makes me giggle like a chubby schoolgirl in the half-off Easter aisle of Walgreens. Before I begin, I want to state that I really do not like writing solely about or because of one person in particular. Not because of the particular person mind you, but because performing my verbal abortion on one person is just way too easy; it’s lazy writing akin to a forum-flaming, and it’s usually not going to be interesting for you to read. This time is an exception. This time, it’s one person, his prominence, his column, and his abuse of his celebrity that pisses me off. This column’s case-in-point, something a lot of people were wondering about in the forums: Gary Wise. It’s time to administer the savage beatings of a drunken conscience, Cajun-style.

For the longest time now I have held little or no respect for most of the “pros.” Is it out of jealousy? No. Envy? No. Malice and spite for being jilted as a lover at any event I whore myself in? Maybe... Ok, no. The answer, dear reader, is that every pro player out there is simply just another person. No more, no less. I don’t know any of them, so as far as I am concerned, most “pros” are just another gamer with a deck. Some of them are certainly good folks (Louisiana boys, and a couple of dudes I met at the last PT:NO), a rare few of them are outstanding examples of good sportsmanship (**coughShvartsmancough**), and some of them are outright cheating bastards (**coughcough**).

I don’t automatically hate a person because they are better at Magic than I am, but I am not going to automatically respect them for it, either. I hold all humans and humanity to a high degree of morality, and simply being good at playing a game is not something to make a person worthy of worship or adoration, much less respect. Note that I am not talking about deck advice here, just general respect for a person for who they are or their accomplishments. That being said, when I come across an attitude like Gary’s, it really ticks me off. There’s a sense of elitism and snobbery in this game, and it makes me want to piss in gas tanks every time I experience it. Specifically, I want to piss in Gary Wise’s gas tank for having such a stupid conversation in his car, then having the gall to bitch about it in his column. All these so-called “pros” have this idea that they are deserving of some kind of respect for playing Magic.

…WHY?

Is there no longer such a thing as shame or humility? Strangely enough though, I can usually deal with all that. What really made me want to write, what really pissed me off, what got my panties into a half-hitch faster and worse than anything else was how he tries to place the blame for “pro” stereotypes on everyone but the “pros” themselves.

“…The simple fact is that we aren’t mainstream and that mainstream is mainstream because they like being mainstream. That means that those who just don’t know have to be let off pretty easy. However, as flaccid as our angst towards them was, when the conversation turned to back-biting gamers who try to tear the Pro Tour down, fury permeated from the car…“
“Pro players cheat.”
“They don’t bathe.”
“They all smell.”
“They’re all rules lawyers.”
“It’s crap. All of it. …All you’re doing is voicing your own feelings of inadequacy and if it isn’t obvious by now, I for one and sick of your crap. You don’t have one iota of an idea what you’re talking about… There was a time when cheating was far more blatant and widespread than it is now…”

You know what? Every single one of those stereotypes of “pros” has been earned. Cheating no longer blatant and widespread? Your honor, I present to the court:

Obvious Exhibit A: Nick Eisel.
Obvious Exhibit B: Trey Van Cleave
Exhibit C: The rest of them.
Exhibit D: Everyone on the Pro Tour who has a previous suspension under their belt, but has served their time off and gone back to the game.

“Pros” don’t bathe? This is something that afflicts the entirety of the Magic community. I walked by many a GPNO and PTNO table and wrinkled my nose in disgust. As for the ‘rules lawyer’ bit, I’d bet dollars to dogshit that more than one of those “JUDGE!” calls I heard at PT-NO and GPNO were for more than just “what’s this card REALLY do?”

…Oh wait, what’s this I’ve found? Does this look like rules-lawyering to anyone else?

From http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?...stersnice02/fm1 As predicted, Gary took Chris's deck and started pile shuffling it, and after looking at about ten cards, he yelled for a judge.
GW: "Judge! He has two bent corners and a marked sleeve."
CB: "I already had the judge check my sleeves."
GW: "Well that's not my problem. They're still marked."
CB: "Your sleeves have marks on them, too." GW: "Then call a judge."
CB: "I would, but I figured we could, you know, play Magic."
GW: "I don't trust you as far as I can throw you."

For some reason, the old stone-throwing adage comes to mind here. Hmmm…

Cheating, lack of showers, mindless rules banter… it’s all sadly there, and it makes following the Pro Tour more of a soap opera than a sport of any type. “OOH, did you hear how Benafel and Wise went at it in the feature-match pit?!?”


From http://www.wizards.com/sideboard/ar...x=PTNY01/770fm5 “Fuller was clearly in his element, but he was so busy talking trash that he accidentally looked at his hand before declaring play or draw. That resulted in a warning and Wise got the option (he chose draw). By turn 4, the judge had heard enough and both players received a warning for unsportsmanlike conduct.”

Wow Gary, good show. This is the point where I would usually ramble on and do some things like question Gary’s lineage, his parent’s marital status at the time of his conception, and thrown in some choice adjectives to wrap it all up with a nice little pink bow. I’m going to skip that part in favor something different. First a personal note to all those who share or may share the deluded mindset Mr. Wise so aptly displayed in his column, and then a couple of more general final notes.

“Pros:”
If all of you “pro” players would present yourselves as an example worthy of praise and respect, maybe you wouldn’t have to defend yourselves with self-righteous banter like that pretentious Milton article. Come down off the high-horse. Put up an example for some locals if you really want to be revered. Try and earn some respect by acting like adults instead of a bunch of trash-talking, cheating little children (especially when the goddamned camera is powered up). Don’t try and flip crap at people for seeing the inherent and copious amounts of idiocy that goes on. Work as a group to shun and mock the bullshit behavior, and more
of you would be worthy of respect without everyone having to actually meet you and vouch for you on a personal level. And Gary, learn to take a joke!

Everyone else:
Remember kids; your money that you spend on drafts and new sets helps to pay Gary’s salary. He posted that on WotC’s Sideboard.com website. You literally paid for Gary Wise to flame you. I encourage you, his audience, to start sending your feelings to his bosses, let them know how you feel about Gary coming out and abusing the people who allow him to lose at Magic for a living (if nothing else, at least you’ll be fighting the man, hehehe). Don’t ever be ashamed to tell WotC what you might think of ANYTHING they do, you’re the customer.

Everyone, period:
If any of you have some good, solid stories of any player displaying exemplary sportsmanship and respectability, especially at a high-level event, I encourage you to write them up and either email them to myself (bobthejunky@hotmail.com, who will go through and put the best ones at the end of ANY article I write from now on), or Gary Wise (who will hopefully learn from the examples of people
who do not get paid to bitch about playing magic). I don’t have Gary’s email, but you could always just send your correspondence to editor@wizards.com and put “Please forward to Gary Wise” in the subject line. That’s part of what that address is there for.

Now for one last interesting thing:

From 5-2-03 edition of Latest Developments (Randy Buehler)
http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=mtgcom/daily/rb69
"Last Week’s Poll Question:
Did you play in the Magic Online Worlds qualifiers?
Yes 277 6.5%
No 4012 93.5%
Total 4289 100.0%

It’s always interesting to be reminded how small a portion of Magic’s audience is made up of hardcore tournament players."

Well I’ll be damned. That really is interesting to think about. Hehehe…

I hope you are all enjoying Timmy Block Constructed. I personally can’t wait for the next pre-release [/sarcasm]. That being said, until next time, may you blatantly steal material from Mark Rosewater in an effort to be witty.

->Nathan “Reverend Bob the Junkie” Woodall
bobthejunky@hotmail.com

*Quick sidenote: I know not all “pro” players share the feelings or attitude of Gary Wise. To the small number of you out there that this article does not pertain to, you have my sincere apologies for singeing you in the firebombing. “Sorry we burned down your village, here’s some gold…”

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

An editorial by Nathan “Reverend Bob the Junkie” Woodall, FNM Beatstick at large.

Well, after the debacle that was CTA#3, I was going to hold off for another month before writing this episode up. Unlike the prestigious author of the Week In Review columns, I just don’t have the patience to rummage for my material. But every now and then, I am inspired. Sometimes, something scrumptious just comes along and makes me giggle like a chubby schoolgirl in the half-off Easter aisle of Walgreens. Before I begin, I want to state that I really do not like writing solely about or because of one person in particular. Not because of the particular person mind you, but because performing my verbal abortion on one person is just way too easy; it’s lazy writing akin to a forum-flaming, and it’s usually not going to be interesting for you to read. This time is an exception. This time, it’s one person, his prominence, his column, and his abuse of his celebrity that pisses me off. This column’s case-in-point, something a lot of people were wondering about in the forums: Gary Wise. It’s time to administer the savage beatings of a drunken conscience, Cajun-style.

For the longest time now I have held little or no respect for most of the “pros.” Is it out of jealousy? No. Envy? No. Malice and spite for being jilted as a lover at any event I whore myself in? Maybe... Ok, no. The answer, dear reader, is that every pro player out there is simply just another person. No more, no less. I don’t know any of them, so as far as I am concerned, most “pros” are just another gamer with a deck. Some of them are certainly good folks (Louisiana boys, and a couple of dudes I met at the last PT:NO), a rare few of them are outstanding examples of good sportsmanship (**coughShvartsmancough**), and some of them are outright cheating bastards (**coughcough**).

I don’t automatically hate a person because they are better at Magic than I am, but I am not going to automatically respect them for it, either. I hold all humans and humanity to a high degree of morality, and simply being good at playing a game is not something to make a person worthy of worship or adoration, much less respect. Note that I am not talking about deck advice here, just general respect for a person for who they are or their accomplishments. That being said, when I come across an attitude like Gary’s, it really ticks me off. There’s a sense of elitism and snobbery in this game, and it makes me want to piss in gas tanks every time I experience it. Specifically, I want to piss in Gary Wise’s gas tank for having such a stupid conversation in his car, then having the gall to bitch about it in his column. All these so-called “pros” have this idea that they are deserving of some kind of respect for playing Magic.

…WHY?

Is there no longer such a thing as shame or humility? Strangely enough though, I can usually deal with all that. What really made me want to write, what really pissed me off, what got my panties into a half-hitch faster and worse than anything else was how he tries to place the blame for “pro” stereotypes on everyone but the “pros” themselves.

“…The simple fact is that we aren’t mainstream and that mainstream is mainstream because they like being mainstream. That means that those who just don’t know have to be let off pretty easy. However, as flaccid as our angst towards them was, when the conversation turned to back-biting gamers who try to tear the Pro Tour down, fury permeated from the car…“
“Pro players cheat.”
“They don’t bathe.”
“They all smell.”
“They’re all rules lawyers.”
“It’s crap. All of it. …All you’re doing is voicing your own feelings of inadequacy and if it isn’t obvious by now, I for one and sick of your crap. You don’t have one iota of an idea what you’re talking about… There was a time when cheating was far more blatant and widespread than it is now…”

You know what? Every single one of those stereotypes of “pros” has been earned. Cheating no longer blatant and widespread? Your honor, I present to the court:

Obvious Exhibit A: Nick Eisel.
Obvious Exhibit B: Trey Van Cleave
Exhibit C: The rest of them.
Exhibit D: Everyone on the Pro Tour who has a previous suspension under their belt, but has served their time off and gone back to the game.

“Pros” don’t bathe? This is something that afflicts the entirety of the Magic community. I walked by many a GPNO and PTNO table and wrinkled my nose in disgust. As for the ‘rules lawyer’ bit, I’d bet dollars to dogshit that more than one of those “JUDGE!” calls I heard at PT-NO and GPNO were for more than just “what’s this card REALLY do?”

…Oh wait, what’s this I’ve found? Does this look like rules-lawyering to anyone else?

From http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?...stersnice02/fm1 As predicted, Gary took Chris's deck and started pile shuffling it, and after looking at about ten cards, he yelled for a judge.
GW: "Judge! He has two bent corners and a marked sleeve."
CB: "I already had the judge check my sleeves."
GW: "Well that's not my problem. They're still marked."
CB: "Your sleeves have marks on them, too." GW: "Then call a judge."
CB: "I would, but I figured we could, you know, play Magic."
GW: "I don't trust you as far as I can throw you."

For some reason, the old stone-throwing adage comes to mind here. Hmmm…

Cheating, lack of showers, mindless rules banter… it’s all sadly there, and it makes following the Pro Tour more of a soap opera than a sport of any type. “OOH, did you hear how Benafel and Wise went at it in the feature-match pit?!?”


From http://www.wizards.com/sideboard/ar...x=PTNY01/770fm5 “Fuller was clearly in his element, but he was so busy talking trash that he accidentally looked at his hand before declaring play or draw. That resulted in a warning and Wise got the option (he chose draw). By turn 4, the judge had heard enough and both players received a warning for unsportsmanlike conduct.”

Wow Gary, good show. This is the point where I would usually ramble on and do some things like question Gary’s lineage, his parent’s marital status at the time of his conception, and thrown in some choice adjectives to wrap it all up with a nice little pink bow. I’m going to skip that part in favor something different. First a personal note to all those who share or may share the deluded mindset Mr. Wise so aptly displayed in his column, and then a couple of more general final notes.

“Pros:”
If all of you “pro” players would present yourselves as an example worthy of praise and respect, maybe you wouldn’t have to defend yourselves with self-righteous banter like that pretentious Milton article. Come down off the high-horse. Put up an example for some locals if you really want to be revered. Try and earn some respect by acting like adults instead of a bunch of trash-talking, cheating little children (especially when the goddamned camera is powered up). Don’t try and flip crap at people for seeing the inherent and copious amounts of idiocy that goes on. Work as a group to shun and mock the bullshit behavior, and more
of you would be worthy of respect without everyone having to actually meet you and vouch for you on a personal level. And Gary, learn to take a joke!

Everyone else:
Remember kids; your money that you spend on drafts and new sets helps to pay Gary’s salary. He posted that on WotC’s Sideboard.com website. You literally paid for Gary Wise to flame you. I encourage you, his audience, to start sending your feelings to his bosses, let them know how you feel about Gary coming out and abusing the people who allow him to lose at Magic for a living (if nothing else, at least you’ll be fighting the man, hehehe). Don’t ever be ashamed to tell WotC what you might think of ANYTHING they do, you’re the customer.

Everyone, period:
If any of you have some good, solid stories of any player displaying exemplary sportsmanship and respectability, especially at a high-level event, I encourage you to write them up and either email them to myself (bobthejunky@hotmail.com, who will go through and put the best ones at the end of ANY article I write from now on), or Gary Wise (who will hopefully learn from the examples of people
who do not get paid to bitch about playing magic). I don’t have Gary’s email, but you could always just send your correspondence to editor@wizards.com and put “Please forward to Gary Wise” in the subject line. That’s part of what that address is there for.

Now for one last interesting thing:

From 5-2-03 edition of Latest Developments (Randy Buehler)
http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=mtgcom/daily/rb69
"Last Week’s Poll Question:
Did you play in the Magic Online Worlds qualifiers?
Yes 277 6.5%
No 4012 93.5%
Total 4289 100.0%

It’s always interesting to be reminded how small a portion of Magic’s audience is made up of hardcore tournament players."

Well I’ll be damned. That really is interesting to think about. Hehehe…

I hope you are all enjoying Timmy Block Constructed. I personally can’t wait for the next pre-release [/sarcasm]. That being said, until next time, may you blatantly steal material from Mark Rosewater in an effort to be witty.

->Nathan “Reverend Bob the Junkie” Woodall
bobthejunky@hotmail.com

*Quick sidenote: I know not all “pro” players share the feelings or attitude of Gary Wise. To the small number of you out there that this article does not pertain to, you have my sincere apologies for singeing you in the firebombing. “Sorry we burned down your village, here’s some gold…”

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!