Mainz, Germany -- In a shock to the Magic community, and subsequently the World, Elves managed to fight its way through German Nationals, and best a Reanimator deck in the finals. The world now prepares itself for the eventual cataclysm that will herald the end of the world.

When asked for comment winner Dirk Baberowski said, “How was I supposed to know it would win? I just felt like attacking with little green men. Sorry everybody, I actually told Kai that the world would probably end if I won.”

In related news, scrubs across the world rejoiced this weekend, as Dirk Baberowski brought hope to all of their terrible elf decks. When he played the Coat of Arms for the win, Taunting Elf players everywhere took up the cheer. James Watson, of Toronto, ON was quoted as saying, “If he can win with elves, then I can too.” Watson then promptly purchased 4 Skyshroud Elves at .75 cents a piece. Thomas Dooley of Manhattan, NY was overheard questioning why he can’t win the big prize on FNM with his elf deck, even though he has better cards than Dirk. “I can’t understand why he doesn’t have Elvish Pathcutter, does he have any idea what Forestwalk even is?”

Card dealers everywhere were celebrating by raising the price of all cards involved in the victory. Coat of Arms enjoying the biggest price boost, from $8 to $16. All of the commons from the deck were raised to $1 a piece. When talking to Aaron Karny, owner of the Castle’s Dungeon in Madison, WA he told me, “German Nats has been a goldmine for me, now I get to unload all these draft commons for like $1, and those Coat of Arms are going like hot cakes. I can barely keep them in the showcase, it’s my biggest seller next to Sliver Overlord.” When asked what he thought about the world coming to an end, he commented “At least I get to gouge one more customer before I go” He then promptly gouged the eye of the nearest customer with his “trusty gouging pen”.

So now the world waits for midnight for it’s populous to be plunged into chaos while the Earth crumbles and the Gates of Hell open up and swallow the blasphemous devil-worshipping Magic players whole. Homemaker and studious Christian, Anna May Jenkins was reported to have commented, "I told them all Magic was the Devil."

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Mainz, Germany -- In a shock to the Magic community, and subsequently the World, Elves managed to fight its way through German Nationals, and best a Reanimator deck in the finals. The world now prepares itself for the eventual cataclysm that will herald the end of the world.

When asked for comment winner Dirk Baberowski said, “How was I supposed to know it would win? I just felt like attacking with little green men. Sorry everybody, I actually told Kai that the world would probably end if I won.”

In related news, scrubs across the world rejoiced this weekend, as Dirk Baberowski brought hope to all of their terrible elf decks. When he played the Coat of Arms for the win, Taunting Elf players everywhere took up the cheer. James Watson, of Toronto, ON was quoted as saying, “If he can win with elves, then I can too.” Watson then promptly purchased 4 Skyshroud Elves at .75 cents a piece. Thomas Dooley of Manhattan, NY was overheard questioning why he can’t win the big prize on FNM with his elf deck, even though he has better cards than Dirk. “I can’t understand why he doesn’t have Elvish Pathcutter, does he have any idea what Forestwalk even is?”

Card dealers everywhere were celebrating by raising the price of all cards involved in the victory. Coat of Arms enjoying the biggest price boost, from $8 to $16. All of the commons from the deck were raised to $1 a piece. When talking to Aaron Karny, owner of the Castle’s Dungeon in Madison, WA he told me, “German Nats has been a goldmine for me, now I get to unload all these draft commons for like $1, and those Coat of Arms are going like hot cakes. I can barely keep them in the showcase, it’s my biggest seller next to Sliver Overlord.” When asked what he thought about the world coming to an end, he commented “At least I get to gouge one more customer before I go” He then promptly gouged the eye of the nearest customer with his “trusty gouging pen”.

So now the world waits for midnight for it’s populous to be plunged into chaos while the Earth crumbles and the Gates of Hell open up and swallow the blasphemous devil-worshipping Magic players whole. Homemaker and studious Christian, Anna May Jenkins was reported to have commented, "I told them all Magic was the Devil."

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!