MTGO Staffer Daniel Somebody was recently seen in print claiming to have spoken to a fictional character named “Grog, Goblin Shuffler” about being voted in as an avatar for the popular “red” color in the Magic: The Gathering color wheel. “You'll be happy to know that Grog is very pleased with his inclusion among the standard avatars. He has no current plans to hassle players who voted against him in the survey,” said Somebody.

Seeing this openly insane person allowed to speak for a corporate enterprise caused mild shock in the gaming community as well as among the Hasbro shareholders, but corporate HQ says all is well, in fact, ‘They Meant To Do That.’

Hasbro corporate psychoanalyst Dr. Afro McDipshit explains: “This state of paranoid delusion is uncommon in the general public, but it seems to be a common characteristic among those people inclined to work for our Wizards of the Coast subsidiary, especially those in the Online Gaming division.

“Mr. Somebody currently communicates with a number of individuals not able to be seen by the outside observer. Do these individuals not exist simply because I cannot see them? Will they stab me with tiny rusty steak knives in my sleep if I refuse to draft Eighth? Who am I to say? Reality is relative. I have insured that appropriate medications are made available in case of emergency, otherwise we find that a delusional state of mind, on the part of our employees as well as our customers, is best for business.”

Further investigation revealed that insanity does indeed seem to be a very useful skill set in the youngest of WotC’s divisions. Says Randy Bhueueheler, “First and foremost, one must believe that ‘virtual’ cards are just as good as, or better than, regular Magic cards. That alone takes a pant load of Froot Loops, if you know what I mean. If we can get people to believe that, we can convince them of anything, and before we know it, we can just sell them a spoiler list and charge them to play Magic in their minds – the sky’s the limit, really.”

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MTGO Staffer Daniel Somebody was recently seen in print claiming to have spoken to a fictional character named “Grog, Goblin Shuffler” about being voted in as an avatar for the popular “red” color in the Magic: The Gathering color wheel. “You'll be happy to know that Grog is very pleased with his inclusion among the standard avatars. He has no current plans to hassle players who voted against him in the survey,” said Somebody.

Seeing this openly insane person allowed to speak for a corporate enterprise caused mild shock in the gaming community as well as among the Hasbro shareholders, but corporate HQ says all is well, in fact, ‘They Meant To Do That.’

Hasbro corporate psychoanalyst Dr. Afro McDipshit explains: “This state of paranoid delusion is uncommon in the general public, but it seems to be a common characteristic among those people inclined to work for our Wizards of the Coast subsidiary, especially those in the Online Gaming division.

“Mr. Somebody currently communicates with a number of individuals not able to be seen by the outside observer. Do these individuals not exist simply because I cannot see them? Will they stab me with tiny rusty steak knives in my sleep if I refuse to draft Eighth? Who am I to say? Reality is relative. I have insured that appropriate medications are made available in case of emergency, otherwise we find that a delusional state of mind, on the part of our employees as well as our customers, is best for business.”

Further investigation revealed that insanity does indeed seem to be a very useful skill set in the youngest of WotC’s divisions. Says Randy Bhueueheler, “First and foremost, one must believe that ‘virtual’ cards are just as good as, or better than, regular Magic cards. That alone takes a pant load of Froot Loops, if you know what I mean. If we can get people to believe that, we can convince them of anything, and before we know it, we can just sell them a spoiler list and charge them to play Magic in their minds – the sky’s the limit, really.”

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!