Randy Buehler, Magic Online spokesman, announced today that Magic Online v2.0 is just the start of a revolutionary line.

“Wizards feels that there is a big future in Magic Online. After many strenuous brainstorming sessions, we have found several ways of getting others to understand our vision. The most successful methods of this appear to be large version numbers and expensive looking flash movies. So, we have planned an amazing product schedule. Over the next year, a new version of Magic Online will be released each week, until Magic Online v54.0 is released. We believe that this will increase our new memberships, as we all know that bigger numbers are better, and that people love big things.”

The Magic Online community has met this information with mixed feelings. “Liek bigger numbers means better stuf, liek bigger creatures and stuff!,” argued in the MODO message boards earlier today. He was then repeatedly flamed by users who feel that frequent updates may lower the quality of the game, or that the original poster was stating that his penis is below average size.

Concerns about stability are valid, however. “We understand concerns from the users about program ‘bugs’ and server stability. Let’s face it. Bugs are a part of any program. They’re always there, no matter how hard you try to get rid of them. To aid in the minimization of bugs, many of the major updates will be released only to fix bugs created in the last update (and of course help raise that wonderful version number).” Buehler stated in an interview yesterday.

Wizards has also taken steps to ensure that there is never a server failure. “To decrease sever load (which has been steadily on the rise since the introduction of our wonderful flash movies – proof that the marketing works), the only thing we can do is to lower the amount of things moving around the server. There are two main digital objects that move around the server a lot: cards and avatars. So, by version 31, there will be only one useable avatar. All collected avatars will be deleted. By version 45, many cards will be removed from the database in order to save space. However, if a player has cards removed from them, they will be reimbursed with a limited edition foil Craw Wurm. These changes are very insignificant, and will only enhance your Magic Online experience. Keep a look out for other small changes as well! You may not notice them.”

Even after finishing the interview, Buehler had more exciting news on the Magic Online front. The next day, he burst into this reporter’s office to offer this snippet of information. “[Magic Online] Version 41 and up will feature an easier to understand interface, which will help new and old players come to grips with the Magic Online world. This amazing update will help even the most confused and new players “play big,” because that’s how you should play. Big. Like the version number.” He then proceeded to stay in my office for the next three hours, and steal all my stationary.

This reporter has been provided with an exclusive screenshot of MODO v41.0.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Randy Buehler, Magic Online spokesman, announced today that Magic Online v2.0 is just the start of a revolutionary line.

“Wizards feels that there is a big future in Magic Online. After many strenuous brainstorming sessions, we have found several ways of getting others to understand our vision. The most successful methods of this appear to be large version numbers and expensive looking flash movies. So, we have planned an amazing product schedule. Over the next year, a new version of Magic Online will be released each week, until Magic Online v54.0 is released. We believe that this will increase our new memberships, as we all know that bigger numbers are better, and that people love big things.”

The Magic Online community has met this information with mixed feelings. “Liek bigger numbers means better stuf, liek bigger creatures and stuff!,” argued in the MODO message boards earlier today. He was then repeatedly flamed by users who feel that frequent updates may lower the quality of the game, or that the original poster was stating that his penis is below average size.

Concerns about stability are valid, however. “We understand concerns from the users about program ‘bugs’ and server stability. Let’s face it. Bugs are a part of any program. They’re always there, no matter how hard you try to get rid of them. To aid in the minimization of bugs, many of the major updates will be released only to fix bugs created in the last update (and of course help raise that wonderful version number).” Buehler stated in an interview yesterday.

Wizards has also taken steps to ensure that there is never a server failure. “To decrease sever load (which has been steadily on the rise since the introduction of our wonderful flash movies – proof that the marketing works), the only thing we can do is to lower the amount of things moving around the server. There are two main digital objects that move around the server a lot: cards and avatars. So, by version 31, there will be only one useable avatar. All collected avatars will be deleted. By version 45, many cards will be removed from the database in order to save space. However, if a player has cards removed from them, they will be reimbursed with a limited edition foil Craw Wurm. These changes are very insignificant, and will only enhance your Magic Online experience. Keep a look out for other small changes as well! You may not notice them.”

Even after finishing the interview, Buehler had more exciting news on the Magic Online front. The next day, he burst into this reporter’s office to offer this snippet of information. “[Magic Online] Version 41 and up will feature an easier to understand interface, which will help new and old players come to grips with the Magic Online world. This amazing update will help even the most confused and new players “play big,” because that’s how you should play. Big. Like the version number.” He then proceeded to stay in my office for the next three hours, and steal all my stationary.

This reporter has been provided with an exclusive screenshot of MODO v41.0.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!