Renton, WA -- Wizards of the Coast admitted in a press release yesterday that Mirrodin development was done under conditions of extreme haste, due to its being a replacement for the cancelled stand alone Seduction, the "sexy Magic game for couples".

Plans for Seduction were brought under fire when market research indicated that only 3.2 % of Magic: the Gathering players were either female or actually had girlfriends. The ensuing prediction of dismal sales was not very worrisome until very recently, as the homo-erotic expansion "Boyz of Dominiara" had been expected to sell tremendously well, until it was discovered that Wizard's market research team had completely misinterpreted anecdotal evidence that well over half of all Magic players were "totally gay".

The rushed job is rather obvious, as players instantly recognized the "new" mechanic of Entwine as a thinly veiled combination Kicker and Split cards. Similarly, the inclusion of the common card Spikeshot Goblin highlights a tremendous oversight, as it is very similar- if not superior- to the format-ruining common Sparksmith.

Seduction, on the other hand, had been well developed and tested, to the point that even metagame elements and card combinations were evident. A Wizards of the Coast insider who wished to remain anonymous related some office gossip which illustrated these two phenomena:

"Well, what happened was one guy asked his wife for a friendly game. She, remembering his recent requests for anal sex, built her deck with this in mind. When he cast Uktabi Bend-Over, he thought he would finally live out his fantasy. In response, she cast Misdirection, changing the target back to him. At first he was confused, saying, "It wont reach, how can I target myself" until he realized in horror that she had the artifact Urza's Ten-Incher in play, represented by the token of an actual apparatus."

After the announcement, Aaron Forsythe, Content Manager, commented that, "Its too bad they never got to see the art, man, its hard enough to imagine what Firebreathing Rimjob looked like, let alone Serra Angel Donkey Punch."

Randy Buehler began by lamenting the cancellation of Seduction as he pulled aside a reporter after the press release:

"We had given out MODO sets of all Seduction cards for the staff to test. One afternoon I was feeling a little randy in the pants (chuckles to self) if you know what I mean, so I decided to pose as a woman and set up an all lesbian game of 4-player magic. I couldn't believe it: the response was instant. Within ten minutes I was...well, lets just say I cast Twiddle on my Bone Flute and um...Mirrari'd it repeatedly until...hmm...I let it resolve"

A reporter in the room, able to evaluate the situation more objectively asked, "That's surprising, how many women employees were given these MODO sets?"

A nervous look came to Buehler's face, and he quickly turned to his laptop, "Let me see...oh my god, only 3 other people had opened their Seduction account on MODO at that time, Mark [Rosewater, R&D senior designer] Gary [Wise] and Anthony [Alongi] that means...that I..."

Buehler then slowly collapsed onto the floor, curling into the fetal position and began rocking while staring off into space and humming the tune of The Crying Game.

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Renton, WA -- Wizards of the Coast admitted in a press release yesterday that Mirrodin development was done under conditions of extreme haste, due to its being a replacement for the cancelled stand alone Seduction, the "sexy Magic game for couples".

Plans for Seduction were brought under fire when market research indicated that only 3.2 % of Magic: the Gathering players were either female or actually had girlfriends. The ensuing prediction of dismal sales was not very worrisome until very recently, as the homo-erotic expansion "Boyz of Dominiara" had been expected to sell tremendously well, until it was discovered that Wizard's market research team had completely misinterpreted anecdotal evidence that well over half of all Magic players were "totally gay".

The rushed job is rather obvious, as players instantly recognized the "new" mechanic of Entwine as a thinly veiled combination Kicker and Split cards. Similarly, the inclusion of the common card Spikeshot Goblin highlights a tremendous oversight, as it is very similar- if not superior- to the format-ruining common Sparksmith.

Seduction, on the other hand, had been well developed and tested, to the point that even metagame elements and card combinations were evident. A Wizards of the Coast insider who wished to remain anonymous related some office gossip which illustrated these two phenomena:

"Well, what happened was one guy asked his wife for a friendly game. She, remembering his recent requests for anal sex, built her deck with this in mind. When he cast Uktabi Bend-Over, he thought he would finally live out his fantasy. In response, she cast Misdirection, changing the target back to him. At first he was confused, saying, "It wont reach, how can I target myself" until he realized in horror that she had the artifact Urza's Ten-Incher in play, represented by the token of an actual apparatus."

After the announcement, Aaron Forsythe, Content Manager, commented that, "Its too bad they never got to see the art, man, its hard enough to imagine what Firebreathing Rimjob looked like, let alone Serra Angel Donkey Punch."

Randy Buehler began by lamenting the cancellation of Seduction as he pulled aside a reporter after the press release:

"We had given out MODO sets of all Seduction cards for the staff to test. One afternoon I was feeling a little randy in the pants (chuckles to self) if you know what I mean, so I decided to pose as a woman and set up an all lesbian game of 4-player magic. I couldn't believe it: the response was instant. Within ten minutes I was...well, lets just say I cast Twiddle on my Bone Flute and um...Mirrari'd it repeatedly until...hmm...I let it resolve"

A reporter in the room, able to evaluate the situation more objectively asked, "That's surprising, how many women employees were given these MODO sets?"

A nervous look came to Buehler's face, and he quickly turned to his laptop, "Let me see...oh my god, only 3 other people had opened their Seduction account on MODO at that time, Mark [Rosewater, R&D senior designer] Gary [Wise] and Anthony [Alongi] that means...that I..."

Buehler then slowly collapsed onto the floor, curling into the fetal position and began rocking while staring off into space and humming the tune of The Crying Game.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!