Hope you all had great weeks and successful state championships/Chuck’s Virtual Party sealed decks/bar mitzvahs. Here’s what the fates have lined up for you this week.

Aries: (March 21—April 19)
Don’t be too hard on yourself about narrowly missing top 8 at States. After all, that face-down Exalted Angel could have been anything, right?

Taurus: (April 20—May 20)
Despite your desperate pleas, you will be slow-rolled no fewer than four times this week.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
The stars advise you to not play that fucking Counterspell deck in the next multiplayer game, if you know what’s good for you.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
Hey, no one said it would be easy to pilot your way to Day 2 of New Orleans while battling a day-old case of chlamydia, but that’s how champions are made, right?

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
You will feel a strong sense of vindication this week when Nick Eisel’s blue draft order for Mirrodin matches yours almost exactly. Congrats, barn.

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
It turns out that nothing in the Floor Rules says that the chimpanzee can’t urinate all over your deck like that.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
Your 1st-pick Vedalken Archmage will prove to be the difference in the finals of your next draft, letting you outclass your opponent with superior card advantage. Also, you are fat.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
You will notice that the story of your life bears striking similarities to Anthony Hopkins’ upcoming drama The Human Stain, only without the intrigue, intelligence, and beautiful women. Ok, so pretty much only the title is the same.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
For the last time, no, Sagittarius does not want to ride bikes.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
The stars just thought they should tell you now, if you are making your decision to ask her out by rolling a 20-sided die, it’s probably not worth the effort.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
There is nothing you can do to avoid another tournament-ending defeat this weekend. A better player would probably be able to pull it out, though.

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
After all those Rush of Knowledges, he’s probably only got seventeen, eighteen turns tops before he decks himself. Go get ‘em, tiger!

cavedan
cavedan on MODO
cavedan199@yahoo.com

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Hope you all had great weeks and successful state championships/Chuck’s Virtual Party sealed decks/bar mitzvahs. Here’s what the fates have lined up for you this week.

Aries: (March 21—April 19)
Don’t be too hard on yourself about narrowly missing top 8 at States. After all, that face-down Exalted Angel could have been anything, right?

Taurus: (April 20—May 20)
Despite your desperate pleas, you will be slow-rolled no fewer than four times this week.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
The stars advise you to not play that fucking Counterspell deck in the next multiplayer game, if you know what’s good for you.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
Hey, no one said it would be easy to pilot your way to Day 2 of New Orleans while battling a day-old case of chlamydia, but that’s how champions are made, right?

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
You will feel a strong sense of vindication this week when Nick Eisel’s blue draft order for Mirrodin matches yours almost exactly. Congrats, barn.

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
It turns out that nothing in the Floor Rules says that the chimpanzee can’t urinate all over your deck like that.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
Your 1st-pick Vedalken Archmage will prove to be the difference in the finals of your next draft, letting you outclass your opponent with superior card advantage. Also, you are fat.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
You will notice that the story of your life bears striking similarities to Anthony Hopkins’ upcoming drama The Human Stain, only without the intrigue, intelligence, and beautiful women. Ok, so pretty much only the title is the same.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
For the last time, no, Sagittarius does not want to ride bikes.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
The stars just thought they should tell you now, if you are making your decision to ask her out by rolling a 20-sided die, it’s probably not worth the effort.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
There is nothing you can do to avoid another tournament-ending defeat this weekend. A better player would probably be able to pull it out, though.

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
After all those Rush of Knowledges, he’s probably only got seventeen, eighteen turns tops before he decks himself. Go get ‘em, tiger!

cavedan
cavedan on MODO
cavedan199@yahoo.com

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!