The Fat Man Sings

By: willis5225 - January 31, 2004

Reuters -- Kurtis "Fat Man" Hahn, in his promised tell-all memoir, Mein Über-Kampf, finally admitted to the charges brought against him for flinging a bottle of Minute Maid lemonade at Mike Dove at a Pro-Tour Qualifier in October 2002.

"It is with tears in my eyes and grief in my heart," said Hahn at a press conference, "that at last I lift this heavy burden can say to America: I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I betrayed your trust. Though I don't deserve it, all I ask is that you forgive me. Also, that Bud Selig offer me a lucrative job opportunity."

Kurt Hahn's tell-all memoir

Kurt Hahn's revealing
tell-all memoir
Reactions to the touching speech were mixed. Said one fan: "He's come clean, admitted it and asked for forgiveness. We can't ask for anything more from the guy. I say let him back in, and let he who has never been disqualified from several PTQ's throw the first bottle."

Not all look for reconciliation with Hahn, however. Writes James O'Connel from Flushing: "He [Hahn] most certainly should not be allowed back into DCI events. He is a man who needs help, not coddling. He has a serious problem which has been, and may continue to be, harmful to the Magic community. And as for Major League Baseball, well I just don't have a knee-jerk opinion about that."

In addition to his career-ending scandal, Hahn relates several instances of "deck-stacking" by a variety of big-name Magic players and at least two occasions in which he was detained for dealing packs of Fallen Empires. In one especially inflammatory segment, Hahn accuses Wizards of the Coast of knowing full well that they were printing Dwarven Soldier.

Both the Duelists' Convocation International and Major League Baseball have refused to answer questions about the fate of the Fat Man, both his place in the Hall of Fame and his lucrative employment, thus far.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

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MiseTings is a Magic: the Gathering humor site. MiseTings.Com is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. MiseTings content does not represent the views or opinions of the editor. All original content herein is copyright © 2001-2006, World Wide Webware, all rights reserved. No portion of this web site may be used in any way without expressed written consent. Magic: The Gathering® is a registered trademark owned by Wizards of the Coast, Inc., a subsidiary of Hasbro, Inc. MiseTings is not produced or endorsed by Wizards of the Coast, Inc. We respect your privacy, interested parties should check our Privacy Policy. Play hard and mise often.

The Fat Man Sings - MiseTings

The Fat Man Sings

By: willis5225 - January 31, 2004

Reuters -- Kurtis "Fat Man" Hahn, in his promised tell-all memoir, Mein Über-Kampf, finally admitted to the charges brought against him for flinging a bottle of Minute Maid lemonade at Mike Dove at a Pro-Tour Qualifier in October 2002.

"It is with tears in my eyes and grief in my heart," said Hahn at a press conference, "that at last I lift this heavy burden can say to America: I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I betrayed your trust. Though I don't deserve it, all I ask is that you forgive me. Also, that Bud Selig offer me a lucrative job opportunity."

Kurt Hahn's tell-all memoir

Kurt Hahn's revealing
tell-all memoir
Reactions to the touching speech were mixed. Said one fan: "He's come clean, admitted it and asked for forgiveness. We can't ask for anything more from the guy. I say let him back in, and let he who has never been disqualified from several PTQ's throw the first bottle."

Not all look for reconciliation with Hahn, however. Writes James O'Connel from Flushing: "He [Hahn] most certainly should not be allowed back into DCI events. He is a man who needs help, not coddling. He has a serious problem which has been, and may continue to be, harmful to the Magic community. And as for Major League Baseball, well I just don't have a knee-jerk opinion about that."

In addition to his career-ending scandal, Hahn relates several instances of "deck-stacking" by a variety of big-name Magic players and at least two occasions in which he was detained for dealing packs of Fallen Empires. In one especially inflammatory segment, Hahn accuses Wizards of the Coast of knowing full well that they were printing Dwarven Soldier.

Both the Duelists' Convocation International and Major League Baseball have refused to answer questions about the fate of the Fat Man, both his place in the Hall of Fame and his lucrative employment, thus far.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Related Stories

MiseTings is a Magic: the Gathering humor site. MiseTings.Com is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. MiseTings content does not represent the views or opinions of the editor. All original content herein is copyright © 2001-2006, World Wide Webware, all rights reserved. No portion of this web site may be used in any way without expressed written consent. Magic: The Gathering® is a registered trademark owned by Wizards of the Coast, Inc., a subsidiary of Hasbro, Inc. MiseTings is not produced or endorsed by Wizards of the Coast, Inc. We respect your privacy, interested parties should check our Privacy Policy. Play hard and mise often.