Washington D.C. -- First it was Soccer Moms, then NASCAR dads. Now, election pundits are saying that players of “Magic: the Gathering” are this election's important swing voters. Both Senator Kerry and President Bush have begun campaigning heavily for these votes, even though neither has had any previous experience playing the game.

Both candidates are scrambling to learn the game. Kerry, having played the card game “Electionfire!” with ex-candidate Howard Dean, has something of a head start learning the game, but Bush may have a leg up on the lingo used by Magic players. “Magic players use invented words like 'truthery' and 'savagery,' so he should be able to fit right in,” according to the head Bush campaign Magic expert, speaking on condition of anonymity.

This sudden immersion in Magic has caused some confusion in the candidates. At a recent rally, Kerry claimed several times to have been a war hero in the “Phyrexian War.” While speaking to a group of players at a local card shop, President Bush told the players, “We have ousted Memnarch with a savage beating, and introduced Mirrodin to freedomery, amirite?”

Both have much to learn. When asked about his thoughts on the recent problems with MODO, President Bush replied, “I'm not sure if we ought to worry too much about the Modo, a species that's been savagely extinct for over a century...-ery,” apparently confusing MODO with Dodo. And while playing his first public game, Senator Kerry tapped his forest and began searching his library for another, eliciting bemused laughter from those watching. Later, Kerry said, “Millions of people in Dominaria are without savage tech. So that's why when I am president, I will provide every citizen with a Blue Eyes White Dragon.” Kerry was escorted out by Secret Service shortly thereafter.

Hoping to overcome these embarrassments, Kerry has chosen Richard Garfield to be his running mate – a move that President Bush has not left unanswered. He has promised to make Mark Rosewater his Attorney General should he win another term. When told by a player that MaRo is “bat shit insane,” the President replied, “Johnny ain't exactly the most sane person, either. I mean, he anointed himself with vegetable oil before taking office. Trutheryfully!”

Even still-candidate-but-not-really Dennis Kucinich is studying up. Reportedly, he yelled out “Mise!” upon finding change in his car seats he needed for a toll in Nevada.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

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Washington D.C. -- First it was Soccer Moms, then NASCAR dads. Now, election pundits are saying that players of “Magic: the Gathering” are this election's important swing voters. Both Senator Kerry and President Bush have begun campaigning heavily for these votes, even though neither has had any previous experience playing the game.

Both candidates are scrambling to learn the game. Kerry, having played the card game “Electionfire!” with ex-candidate Howard Dean, has something of a head start learning the game, but Bush may have a leg up on the lingo used by Magic players. “Magic players use invented words like 'truthery' and 'savagery,' so he should be able to fit right in,” according to the head Bush campaign Magic expert, speaking on condition of anonymity.

This sudden immersion in Magic has caused some confusion in the candidates. At a recent rally, Kerry claimed several times to have been a war hero in the “Phyrexian War.” While speaking to a group of players at a local card shop, President Bush told the players, “We have ousted Memnarch with a savage beating, and introduced Mirrodin to freedomery, amirite?”

Both have much to learn. When asked about his thoughts on the recent problems with MODO, President Bush replied, “I'm not sure if we ought to worry too much about the Modo, a species that's been savagely extinct for over a century...-ery,” apparently confusing MODO with Dodo. And while playing his first public game, Senator Kerry tapped his forest and began searching his library for another, eliciting bemused laughter from those watching. Later, Kerry said, “Millions of people in Dominaria are without savage tech. So that's why when I am president, I will provide every citizen with a Blue Eyes White Dragon.” Kerry was escorted out by Secret Service shortly thereafter.

Hoping to overcome these embarrassments, Kerry has chosen Richard Garfield to be his running mate – a move that President Bush has not left unanswered. He has promised to make Mark Rosewater his Attorney General should he win another term. When told by a player that MaRo is “bat shit insane,” the President replied, “Johnny ain't exactly the most sane person, either. I mean, he anointed himself with vegetable oil before taking office. Trutheryfully!”

Even still-candidate-but-not-really Dennis Kucinich is studying up. Reportedly, he yelled out “Mise!” upon finding change in his car seats he needed for a toll in Nevada.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Related Stories

• Democrats Threaten To Animate Gore, Attack
• President Bush Determined to Move Against Team YMG
• Dean Excited About New 'Electionfire!' Trading Card Game