In his weekly column on magicthegathering.com, Mark Rosewater (also referred to in many circles as Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ), announced a startling last-minute addition to the already highly-anticipated Betrayers of Kamigawa edition of Magic: The Gathering. While the original article has been lost due to the repeated lightning edits crashing most of Washington State’s power sources, the brunt of Rosewater’s most recent prophecy to the faithful revealed that Betrayers will be the first set to include characters from Japanese animated series, such as Inu-Yasha, Dragonball Z, and Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Apparently, the reason behind this revelation coming so late before the prerelease is that many of the licenses to the characters had to be secured in protracted and painful litigation hearings to wrest control from their original Japanese creators, many of whom were under the clearly misguided presumption that Magic didn‘t need pink-haired women and effeminate men to improve the game.

In order to get a better grasp on what prompted Mark Rosewater, beloved by all and scorned by the unworthy, to make such changes to Betrayers, this reporter dutifully journeyed to the Wizards of the Coast home office. After several hours of chanting, purification ceremonies, and frighteningly thorough physical examinations, this reporter was finally graced by the presence of Mark Rosewater.

Myself: Mr. Rosewater, first let me say that you are truly the most perfect and wonderful human being to beseech this undeserving world in which you have entered, as I have been instructed to do so by the guards poking me in the back with large automatic weapons.

Rosewater: You are welcome, faithful one. Your questions?

Myself: Ah, yes. My first question is why you decided to use licensed Japanese characters for this new Magic edition. Could you please explain your reasoning?

Rosewater: Well, there we were, sitting around about midnight on a Saturday, watching Cartoon Network’s late-night lineup and feverishly taking notes as to what Japanese culture must be like. Richard Garfield was next to me on my mom‘s couch, stuffing his face with Funions, when suddenly he perks up, like he’s just had a vision.

Myself: Mr. Garfield came up with the idea?

Rosewater: Technically yes. However, Richard quickly departed after expressing his idea, eager to get back to the Internet and his Danish fetish pornography searches. When the idea was brought to the developers attention next workday, we all agreed it was a great way to get out of coming up with original ideas, being that we’d spent the last ten years coming up with completely original and unique game ideas.

Myself: Like Arabian Nights.

Rosewater: Exactly! And we were throwing around ideas trying to get out of real work since we planned Kamigawa in the first place. It wasn’t enough that we gave our usual artists fake Japanese names and half-assed our research into Japanese culture by watching a bunch of round-eyed cartoon women flounce around pagodas. We had to do something so entirely unoriginal and expected of us so that we could sit around the office doing absolutely nothing. Using prefabricated characters was the best way to accomplish our goal.

Myself: In your recent column you expressed to the readers that many of the licenses for the anime you wanted to use were very hard to get a hold of, and that’s why this was a last minute addition.

Rosewater: Some of these slanty-eyed people were tough to convince, certainly. You’d think that after years of drawing cartoon tits and muscle-bound men, Akira Toriyama would be begging to have his Dragonball legacy further hyped into oblivion with an appearance in our set. We practically had to torture and belittle his wife and children five times before he capitulated to our demands. And Leiji Matsumoto, did that man ever think he was too good for us. Guy makes up stories about space pirates and flying trains, thinks he’s better than Mark Rosewater!

Myself: Perish the thought, sir.

Rosewater: In the end however, we managed to convince all of our targets to give up their licenses for our purposes.

Myself: Were any of the original license holders actually eager to see their inclusion in Betrayers?

Rosewater: That lady who draws Sailor Moon (Naoko Takeuchi), was begging us to use her characters. She even offered to make up new ones, but we just thanked her and later hogtied her up to a garbage freight ship we’re pretty sure was going to Japan. Rumiko Takahashi, the creator of Inu-Yasha, was also very pleased with our ideas, however, she doesn’t speak good English so she might have just thought we wanted to meet her cat. It can do calligraphy, you know.

Myself: Don’t you feel that these ideas you’re using, copywritten characters, preset mythology, is a bit short-sighted? I understand you’re trying to infuse Magic with something other than white people with swords and shiny armor, but is an entirely Japanese set really conducive to a successful game? Wouldn’t it be better to include people of other cultures in normal Magic sets, rather than single them out like they don’t really appear in the world Magic has created?

Rosewater: There is hardly any justification for such a claim.

Myself: What about Mirage? Did the developers wake up one morning and just say “Let’s have Pete Venters and Kev Walker draw some black people for a change”?

Rosewater: I’m afraid this interview is over.

Myself: But haven’t you considered that a long-term introduction of unique cultures would have greater overall impact on the set’s flavor?

This reporter’s last question was unfortunately not answered, as Mr. Rosewater at this point was attempting to “Do a Hadoken at me”. When it became evident that he could not in fact channel blue fire through his hands and throw it at me, Mr. Rosewater settled for having me escorted out of the building. Yet with only a few answers to my many questions, This reporter felt it was his duty to dig deeper into the matter. After locating Naoko Takeuchi (who had through some contrivance ended up peddling oranges near the Mexican border), and Rumiko Takahashi, this reporter sat down with them to gauge their feelings on anime’s place in Magic’s newest set.

Myself: Thank you ladies for agreeing to allow me to gain a broader perspective on this new arrangement. We’ll start with you Ms. Takeuchi. What impact do you think your characters from Sailor Moon will have on game play in Betrayers of Kamigawa?

Naoko Takeuchi: Characters? What are you talking about? I don’t have time for this, I need to know where the Dark Moon is planning to strike next!

Myself: Ma’am?

Takeuchi: I’ll have to transform now if I’m going to find out how the Negaverse is going to enslave innocent humans! Moon Crisis Power!

At this point, the security I chose to employee for this interview took Ms. Takeuchi’s spinning in circles and humming to herself as a sign that she needed to be restrained before the interview could continue. Once she was sedated, I resumed my inquiries.

Myself: Now, Ms Takeuchi…

Takeuchi: You can’t give away my secret identity! I am Sailor Moon, champion of love and justice!

Myself: Alright Sailor Moon, champion of love and justice, how do you feel about being included in Magic: The Gathering?

Sailor Moon: I think it’s great! I love ice cream and my friends! My daughter from the future tried to shoot me and then her creepy goth friend killed a bunch of people and I cried a lot, which drove everyone nuts, and then-

Myself: Let me stop you there, Ms. Moon. I’d like to ask Ms. Takahashi a few questions. Namely, why she is drawing on the back of my notepad.

Rumiko Takahashi: It’s a leopard man kissing a fox man!

Myself: I can see what you’re drawing; I just wanted to know why.

Takahashi: Sugoi ne! (proceeds to giggle)

Myself: English, please. Ms. Takahashi, do you think Eastern mythology and now anime in a collectible card game with a traditional fantasy setting is a good idea, or is it simply pandering to a fad with Japanese culture, not unlike the fad with Australian culture some years back?

Takahashi: Is she really Sailor Moon?

Myself: She says that she is. But-

Takahashi: She can’t be Sailor Moon! I’m Sailor Moon!

Sailor Moon: You are not! (begins to cry)

Myself: Ladies please, I want to get your views on… my notes seem to have been covered in half-naked catgirls.

Regardless of the state of this reporter’s notes, it was clear that there would be no more questions asked, as Ms. Takahashi and Ms. Takeuchi subsequently got into a vicious fight, which later spilled out into the streets much to the pleasure of many onlookers, to whom a lesbian robot schoolgirl catfight is something of a rare occasion. This reporter’s only regret was that he did not think to bring a camera, which should serve as a lesson to all aspiring journalists, to always be ready for whenever Japanese women might get into a huge fight and later end up making out, which they did in this instance, shortly before being arrested and deported.

Betrayers of Kamigawa is set to be released on the 4th of February, with prerelease tournaments being held all over the world the weekend of January 22nd and 23rd.

No word has been released on whether or not Mark Rosewater has perfected the "Hadoken", although it is speculated that Richard Garfield can do a pretty awesome Chun Li upside-down helicopter kick.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Related Stories

• Kamigawa Sensation: Unauthorized WotC Employee Interview
• Mark "Bling Bling" Rosewater Announces Name Change
• Arabian Nights Limited Review: White

In his weekly column on magicthegathering.com, Mark Rosewater (also referred to in many circles as Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ), announced a startling last-minute addition to the already highly-anticipated Betrayers of Kamigawa edition of Magic: The Gathering. While the original article has been lost due to the repeated lightning edits crashing most of Washington State’s power sources, the brunt of Rosewater’s most recent prophecy to the faithful revealed that Betrayers will be the first set to include characters from Japanese animated series, such as Inu-Yasha, Dragonball Z, and Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Apparently, the reason behind this revelation coming so late before the prerelease is that many of the licenses to the characters had to be secured in protracted and painful litigation hearings to wrest control from their original Japanese creators, many of whom were under the clearly misguided presumption that Magic didn‘t need pink-haired women and effeminate men to improve the game.

In order to get a better grasp on what prompted Mark Rosewater, beloved by all and scorned by the unworthy, to make such changes to Betrayers, this reporter dutifully journeyed to the Wizards of the Coast home office. After several hours of chanting, purification ceremonies, and frighteningly thorough physical examinations, this reporter was finally graced by the presence of Mark Rosewater.

Myself: Mr. Rosewater, first let me say that you are truly the most perfect and wonderful human being to beseech this undeserving world in which you have entered, as I have been instructed to do so by the guards poking me in the back with large automatic weapons.

Rosewater: You are welcome, faithful one. Your questions?

Myself: Ah, yes. My first question is why you decided to use licensed Japanese characters for this new Magic edition. Could you please explain your reasoning?

Rosewater: Well, there we were, sitting around about midnight on a Saturday, watching Cartoon Network’s late-night lineup and feverishly taking notes as to what Japanese culture must be like. Richard Garfield was next to me on my mom‘s couch, stuffing his face with Funions, when suddenly he perks up, like he’s just had a vision.

Myself: Mr. Garfield came up with the idea?

Rosewater: Technically yes. However, Richard quickly departed after expressing his idea, eager to get back to the Internet and his Danish fetish pornography searches. When the idea was brought to the developers attention next workday, we all agreed it was a great way to get out of coming up with original ideas, being that we’d spent the last ten years coming up with completely original and unique game ideas.

Myself: Like Arabian Nights.

Rosewater: Exactly! And we were throwing around ideas trying to get out of real work since we planned Kamigawa in the first place. It wasn’t enough that we gave our usual artists fake Japanese names and half-assed our research into Japanese culture by watching a bunch of round-eyed cartoon women flounce around pagodas. We had to do something so entirely unoriginal and expected of us so that we could sit around the office doing absolutely nothing. Using prefabricated characters was the best way to accomplish our goal.

Myself: In your recent column you expressed to the readers that many of the licenses for the anime you wanted to use were very hard to get a hold of, and that’s why this was a last minute addition.

Rosewater: Some of these slanty-eyed people were tough to convince, certainly. You’d think that after years of drawing cartoon tits and muscle-bound men, Akira Toriyama would be begging to have his Dragonball legacy further hyped into oblivion with an appearance in our set. We practically had to torture and belittle his wife and children five times before he capitulated to our demands. And Leiji Matsumoto, did that man ever think he was too good for us. Guy makes up stories about space pirates and flying trains, thinks he’s better than Mark Rosewater!

Myself: Perish the thought, sir.

Rosewater: In the end however, we managed to convince all of our targets to give up their licenses for our purposes.

Myself: Were any of the original license holders actually eager to see their inclusion in Betrayers?

Rosewater: That lady who draws Sailor Moon (Naoko Takeuchi), was begging us to use her characters. She even offered to make up new ones, but we just thanked her and later hogtied her up to a garbage freight ship we’re pretty sure was going to Japan. Rumiko Takahashi, the creator of Inu-Yasha, was also very pleased with our ideas, however, she doesn’t speak good English so she might have just thought we wanted to meet her cat. It can do calligraphy, you know.

Myself: Don’t you feel that these ideas you’re using, copywritten characters, preset mythology, is a bit short-sighted? I understand you’re trying to infuse Magic with something other than white people with swords and shiny armor, but is an entirely Japanese set really conducive to a successful game? Wouldn’t it be better to include people of other cultures in normal Magic sets, rather than single them out like they don’t really appear in the world Magic has created?

Rosewater: There is hardly any justification for such a claim.

Myself: What about Mirage? Did the developers wake up one morning and just say “Let’s have Pete Venters and Kev Walker draw some black people for a change”?

Rosewater: I’m afraid this interview is over.

Myself: But haven’t you considered that a long-term introduction of unique cultures would have greater overall impact on the set’s flavor?

This reporter’s last question was unfortunately not answered, as Mr. Rosewater at this point was attempting to “Do a Hadoken at me”. When it became evident that he could not in fact channel blue fire through his hands and throw it at me, Mr. Rosewater settled for having me escorted out of the building. Yet with only a few answers to my many questions, This reporter felt it was his duty to dig deeper into the matter. After locating Naoko Takeuchi (who had through some contrivance ended up peddling oranges near the Mexican border), and Rumiko Takahashi, this reporter sat down with them to gauge their feelings on anime’s place in Magic’s newest set.

Myself: Thank you ladies for agreeing to allow me to gain a broader perspective on this new arrangement. We’ll start with you Ms. Takeuchi. What impact do you think your characters from Sailor Moon will have on game play in Betrayers of Kamigawa?

Naoko Takeuchi: Characters? What are you talking about? I don’t have time for this, I need to know where the Dark Moon is planning to strike next!

Myself: Ma’am?

Takeuchi: I’ll have to transform now if I’m going to find out how the Negaverse is going to enslave innocent humans! Moon Crisis Power!

At this point, the security I chose to employee for this interview took Ms. Takeuchi’s spinning in circles and humming to herself as a sign that she needed to be restrained before the interview could continue. Once she was sedated, I resumed my inquiries.

Myself: Now, Ms Takeuchi…

Takeuchi: You can’t give away my secret identity! I am Sailor Moon, champion of love and justice!

Myself: Alright Sailor Moon, champion of love and justice, how do you feel about being included in Magic: The Gathering?

Sailor Moon: I think it’s great! I love ice cream and my friends! My daughter from the future tried to shoot me and then her creepy goth friend killed a bunch of people and I cried a lot, which drove everyone nuts, and then-

Myself: Let me stop you there, Ms. Moon. I’d like to ask Ms. Takahashi a few questions. Namely, why she is drawing on the back of my notepad.

Rumiko Takahashi: It’s a leopard man kissing a fox man!

Myself: I can see what you’re drawing; I just wanted to know why.

Takahashi: Sugoi ne! (proceeds to giggle)

Myself: English, please. Ms. Takahashi, do you think Eastern mythology and now anime in a collectible card game with a traditional fantasy setting is a good idea, or is it simply pandering to a fad with Japanese culture, not unlike the fad with Australian culture some years back?

Takahashi: Is she really Sailor Moon?

Myself: She says that she is. But-

Takahashi: She can’t be Sailor Moon! I’m Sailor Moon!

Sailor Moon: You are not! (begins to cry)

Myself: Ladies please, I want to get your views on… my notes seem to have been covered in half-naked catgirls.

Regardless of the state of this reporter’s notes, it was clear that there would be no more questions asked, as Ms. Takahashi and Ms. Takeuchi subsequently got into a vicious fight, which later spilled out into the streets much to the pleasure of many onlookers, to whom a lesbian robot schoolgirl catfight is something of a rare occasion. This reporter’s only regret was that he did not think to bring a camera, which should serve as a lesson to all aspiring journalists, to always be ready for whenever Japanese women might get into a huge fight and later end up making out, which they did in this instance, shortly before being arrested and deported.

Betrayers of Kamigawa is set to be released on the 4th of February, with prerelease tournaments being held all over the world the weekend of January 22nd and 23rd.

No word has been released on whether or not Mark Rosewater has perfected the "Hadoken", although it is speculated that Richard Garfield can do a pretty awesome Chun Li upside-down helicopter kick.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Related Stories

• Kamigawa Sensation: Unauthorized WotC Employee Interview
• Mark "Bling Bling" Rosewater Announces Name Change
• Arabian Nights Limited Review: White