Breaking news – Terisiare -- Deep in the Middle North, trouble is brewing. The conflict between King Darien of Kjeldor and Heidar of the Rimewind wizards has reached a boiling - or perhaps freezing - point. The deaths of thousands of innocent men, women, and children on all sides of this conflict have caused a recent ripple of protests against the war.

One of the largest anti-war groups, Martyrs Against War, has protests planned for all parts of Terisiare next Thursday. MAW represents a group of people hit hardest by the war - Martyrs. With nearly a 100% death rate, they are tired of being used and abused by members on both sides.

We here at the Terisiare News Network have managed to find a number of Martyrs and relatives of Martyrs who are willing to speak with us about the ongoing conflict.

TNN: "What sort of activities are Martyrs pressed into doing?"

Ashe, Martyr: "While I myself have not participated in such activities, I've heard plenty of rumors. Some say that the lieutenants strap the Martyrs with explosives and throw them right out into the battlefield! I've heard of goblins doing such awful things, but I thought we've advanced farther than person-guided bombs! Can't we just throw the aeolipile without tossing the Martyr too?"

TNN: "We here at TNN also have heard about some Martyr abuse going on. Sandy, can you tell us of your experience?"

Sandy, Martyr: "I'm completely distraught. My friend Sandi was giving a rousing speech to raise the spirits of the masses... when she was shot by one of Darien's men! They completely denied any involvement, and then used her death as a reason to continue the war! Who is this King anyway? I didn't vote for him!"

TNN: "Now we have Mrs. Greene, widow of one of Spore Martyrs. Mrs. Greene, can you please describe what happened to your husband?"

Mrs. Greene: "Oh, it was horrible, completely horrible! He was out on the battlefield, encouraging the men to fight, when his superior shouted for the men to 'break out the extra weaponry.' They ripped his arms clear off, and used them as their weapons! His body was their shield! Oh, they were all consolatory towards me, saying he'd be 'back with the spring,' but I think they just wanted me to keep quiet about it all. I don't want no zombie husband coming back in the spring, anyway!"

TNN: "One of the main complains of MAW is that Martyrs are being, well, martyred for no good reason. Frosty the Snow Martyr is here to explain MAW's reasoning."

Frosty, Martyr: "For one thing, the generals on both sides of this conflict are complete idiots. If our deaths were meaningful, I wouldn't have so much to complain about, but sometimes they send us off to die for no good reason! Twelve Martyrs of Frost died when the School of the Unseen was Obliterated. Twelve! Don't those imbeciles realize that Obliterate can't be countered? What a waste!"

TNN: "Of course, as with every movement, there are those who don't want to be any part of it."

Scully, Martyr: "I don't know why MAW is so upset. I mean my job isn't so bad... they point out the bodies, I desecrate them. Of course, they tend to push me into the grave with the mangled bodies, but I often get recovered. Eventually. Dirt's not so bad, you know. Besides, don't any of these people know what a Martyr is? Dying is part of the job description! My parents wouldn't have signed me up if they hadn't known that death was in my immediate future. Yes, I was an emo kid. Sigh."

TNN has tried to get in touch with Darien, King of Kjeldor, but he was not available for comment. Our correspondents have overheard Darien conversing with his wife before a press conference, however. According to him, those "bloody Martyrs better get back on the battleground and out of [his] hair! Only thing they do well is die, and half of them can't get that right either!"

Sandy, Martyr: "All I really want to do is die when and where I want to! For a cause I believe in! Like perhaps when I'm 80, while sleeping... for the cause of, er... insomniacs. Yeah. Or as they like to be called, 'sleep-challenged.' I can do that."

Ashe, Martyr: "And don't forget about MAW's rally next week! With all this build-up, I'm sure it'll prove to be quite the terminal experience.

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Breaking news – Terisiare -- Deep in the Middle North, trouble is brewing. The conflict between King Darien of Kjeldor and Heidar of the Rimewind wizards has reached a boiling - or perhaps freezing - point. The deaths of thousands of innocent men, women, and children on all sides of this conflict have caused a recent ripple of protests against the war.

One of the largest anti-war groups, Martyrs Against War, has protests planned for all parts of Terisiare next Thursday. MAW represents a group of people hit hardest by the war - Martyrs. With nearly a 100% death rate, they are tired of being used and abused by members on both sides.

We here at the Terisiare News Network have managed to find a number of Martyrs and relatives of Martyrs who are willing to speak with us about the ongoing conflict.

TNN: "What sort of activities are Martyrs pressed into doing?"

Ashe, Martyr: "While I myself have not participated in such activities, I've heard plenty of rumors. Some say that the lieutenants strap the Martyrs with explosives and throw them right out into the battlefield! I've heard of goblins doing such awful things, but I thought we've advanced farther than person-guided bombs! Can't we just throw the aeolipile without tossing the Martyr too?"

TNN: "We here at TNN also have heard about some Martyr abuse going on. Sandy, can you tell us of your experience?"

Sandy, Martyr: "I'm completely distraught. My friend Sandi was giving a rousing speech to raise the spirits of the masses... when she was shot by one of Darien's men! They completely denied any involvement, and then used her death as a reason to continue the war! Who is this King anyway? I didn't vote for him!"

TNN: "Now we have Mrs. Greene, widow of one of Spore Martyrs. Mrs. Greene, can you please describe what happened to your husband?"

Mrs. Greene: "Oh, it was horrible, completely horrible! He was out on the battlefield, encouraging the men to fight, when his superior shouted for the men to 'break out the extra weaponry.' They ripped his arms clear off, and used them as their weapons! His body was their shield! Oh, they were all consolatory towards me, saying he'd be 'back with the spring,' but I think they just wanted me to keep quiet about it all. I don't want no zombie husband coming back in the spring, anyway!"

TNN: "One of the main complains of MAW is that Martyrs are being, well, martyred for no good reason. Frosty the Snow Martyr is here to explain MAW's reasoning."

Frosty, Martyr: "For one thing, the generals on both sides of this conflict are complete idiots. If our deaths were meaningful, I wouldn't have so much to complain about, but sometimes they send us off to die for no good reason! Twelve Martyrs of Frost died when the School of the Unseen was Obliterated. Twelve! Don't those imbeciles realize that Obliterate can't be countered? What a waste!"

TNN: "Of course, as with every movement, there are those who don't want to be any part of it."

Scully, Martyr: "I don't know why MAW is so upset. I mean my job isn't so bad... they point out the bodies, I desecrate them. Of course, they tend to push me into the grave with the mangled bodies, but I often get recovered. Eventually. Dirt's not so bad, you know. Besides, don't any of these people know what a Martyr is? Dying is part of the job description! My parents wouldn't have signed me up if they hadn't known that death was in my immediate future. Yes, I was an emo kid. Sigh."

TNN has tried to get in touch with Darien, King of Kjeldor, but he was not available for comment. Our correspondents have overheard Darien conversing with his wife before a press conference, however. According to him, those "bloody Martyrs better get back on the battleground and out of [his] hair! Only thing they do well is die, and half of them can't get that right either!"

Sandy, Martyr: "All I really want to do is die when and where I want to! For a cause I believe in! Like perhaps when I'm 80, while sleeping... for the cause of, er... insomniacs. Yeah. Or as they like to be called, 'sleep-challenged.' I can do that."

Ashe, Martyr: "And don't forget about MAW's rally next week! With all this build-up, I'm sure it'll prove to be quite the terminal experience.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Related Stories

• Selecting 10th Edition: Island vs. Mountain
• Wizards of the Coast Cancels GP: Baghdad
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