Quotes
Q: My opponent plays a Fat Ass, and I sac Mindslaver to take
control of his next turn. Can I, controlling his next turn, make him not eat
food, thus starving him to death?
A: No, you cannot use Mindslaver to starve your opponent.
- Saturday SchoolCreeping Mold is the girl with the great body but questionable face; it's not the prettiest card, but it certainly gets things done.
- Joe Gagliardi
You see, part of what makes playing Magic so special is figuring out the good R&D decisions from the bad ones. If they were all good, it would take away an important element of the game: complaining about Magic on the Internet.
- Mark Rosewater
There are tons of other men waiting in line to fill my Asp hole.
- Geordie Tait
<Kibler> i've got a combo for you
<Kibler> vodka/orange juice
"Who cares if White is best at lifegain? That's like claiming to be the best in the world at chugging Zima."
- Ben Bleiweiss
"Writing blurbs for the Tier 1 cards can get a little tiresome after a while. Eventually, the cards get so good that the very discussion of just how good they are becomes redundant. No one knows there are cards this good in the world. When I bust this out of a pack, it's like a team of pixies flew by, dropped their pants, and crapped a rainbow into my brain."
- Geordie Tait on Oblivion Stone
"And that’s that. After 8 long rounds, all I’m left with is half a box and the harsh reality that I’m wasting the best years of my life playing with toys. I take the long walk back to the hotel in the middle of the night all alone. On the way, a car full of drunk girls flash me, but they probably only wanted me for my booster packs."
- Gary Talim
"Removing pants is not a game ability, the fact that the pants can be removed is faster than a mana ability is just a ruling, it's not an actual rule. You would not be allowed to force your opponent to remove his or her pants, even if the Wrangler is in play. The material of the pants would not matter."
- Rune Horvik [Saturday School #47]
"[The invitational] is like someone inviting you to come over and play a few video games, and then he draws a bad picture of you and puts it on a card you didn't design."
- dbuel
<TimCapes> They should have just made MODO free.
<SaintDog> You know what else they should make free?
<SaintDog> Money.
"If ravers were fantasy gamers, they'd probably play Magic: The Gathering."
- Dancers & Druggees: Raver RPG
"It was once suggested that part of the L1 test should be to bring a complete McDonald's order for 10 judges - without errors."
- Rune Horvik
"A little maturity goes a long way."
- Kurtis "Fat Man" Hahn
"Luckily, Goblins is simpler and more attack-oriented than George W. Bush."
- Tomi Walamies [Venice Report ]
"That's game boys for ThatsGameBoys!"
- William Jensen [GP Boston]
"There’s that question again. How many Birds do you need to play with in order to 'get lucky?'"
- Brian David-Marshall
<RuneH> dcijudge@wizards.com gets so many spam and virusmails it's not even funny.
<copernicu> I'd categorize 99% of the questions you've answered as spam.
Q. "What sort of accessories should a Jon Finkel (Shadowmage Infiltrator) Action Figure come with?"
A. "A mirror and a razor blade."
Brian Kibler [GP Heidelberg]
"Unfortunately, Sideboard was unable to provide coverage for this Brainburst Premium Writer feature match. We simply didn't have the $3 to pay dues."
- Ben Bleiweiss [GP Philly Coverage]
"We are still not sure whether Kai was depicted as pregnant, or his head was drawn on Marco's body."
- Alex Shvartsman on Voidmage Prodigy
"They also have that, I don't know, "facesmashery" about them that sets them apart from more mediocre Legends, like Seton, Krosan Protector."
- Josh Bennet on Pit Fighter Legends
"Today we're running Odyssey Block, and I have to be honest, I could be more thrilled... I'm going to suck today. Congrats to my opponents"
- Gary Wise, shortly before a 6-0 run in the OBC portion of Worlds
Ken Krouner: This is for all the glory!
Jeff Fung: (from the crowd) No no, don't say that word !
- Worlds 2002: Round 18 Feature Match
"The most famous of all cycles, the Alpha "boons" were an attempt to define the colors. Blue was defined as insanely powerful, and white was defined as timid. Ten years later, we're still working on that."
- Mark Rosewater
"WotC should be even more competitive and profitable now that it doesn't have a senior executive channeling money into some off-shore account."
- Steven Peterson
"So I gave him that card and I got my half a pizza, and I thought 'Gosh, if he's willing to do that, I bet other people would be willing to give things for cards as well.'"
- Rob Dougherty
"Mise well jump. Jump! Go ahead and jump. Jump!"
- Van Halen
"Charles Manson wants to be free. Tech doesn't want anything. Tech is to be distilled in basements and stored in sun-proof bottles and traded for diamonds, missiles, and real estate. Tech is to be guarded for months, and then unleashed upon scores of hapless players in a scourge like a biochemical bomb. If tech was free, it wouldn't damn well be tech. And tournament Magic wouldn't be nearly as intense."
- Aaron Forsythe
"I did get a billion e-mails though, probably over one thousand. They gave me a good idea of how the average player thinks. The average player is a lot worse than I thought."
- Alex Shvartsman
<Miz0r-> Who is Jason Opalka?
<Hubble> <lightbulb> WTF is a Thomas Edison?
"Dirk, why don't you, Kai, and Blume see if you can make the German National Bobsled Team? I'd go see that. Kai can pilot and you guys can tag along for the ride."
- Jack Stanton
"I'm like 50% PTR, 50% G. Wise and 50% Zvi. If you think that adds up to 150%, you are right I'm super human. I have the fashion sense of PTR, the social skills of G. Wise and the grace and sensuality of Zvi. Superhuman is the word."
- Eric Taylor
"How come we don't have message board capabilities after our articles... and MiseTings does?"
- Mark Rosewater
"Is it unsporting to take a victory lap?"
- William "Baby Huey" Jensen to a judge, after opponent double mulligans
"When I’m worried about getting suspended for unsporting conduct, the rule enforcement level is just about right."
- Tom Guevin [Year in Review]
"I feel like I just attacked with everything, and it's too late to take it back."
- Chris Pikula, shortly after getting married on December 29th, 2001.
"Weiner, by the way, made a delectable lunch treat, and I would like to mention that before I forget"
- Benafel's Invitational Report
"Who would have thought Long would top-8 with a deck that has 4 Slight of Hands."
- Bloated Toad (from IRC)
"Control decks are quietly dying off, except for those few that seem to be flourishing in the current metagame..."
- Sean McKeown's Neutral Eye
"Round 4 was playtesting. I lost. I won the next 3 rounds. Playtesting paid off."
- Mike Turian @ GP Vegas
"Flametongues are a very powerful card. But what all the pros fail to realize are that its only good vs. Decks with creatures."
- excerpt from Team Academy's Operation: Defecation
Laura Karem: I'm from
Kentucky. We don't have many good players.
Matt Ranks: Hey, you can't forget Josh Claytor.(rolls
eyes)
Feature Match Reporter: I'm Josh Claytor.
Matt Ranks: Oh. My bad.
"Harvey's GP deck had more Zealots than a Jehovah's
Witnesses convention."
Pyrostrife
"Bregoli, your website is shit!
Thomas Guevin
"Anyone who calls themselves the 'people's champion'
is a jackass."
DeMaci: i was def taller than you at nats
BDavis: i was in a wheelchair
"My deck is good, the Problem is that I am shit."
"My next fantasy PT team: Snow Kai and the Seven
Sticks."
Alex Shvartsman
edt: Every God damn rumor about me is true.
BregAway: Including that one about the gerbil?
Yawgatog: Hey guys, did you hear that edt was once
the bearded woman in the Ringling Brothers circus?
Iakae: I heard edt has Jamie Wakefield locked up
in a closet in his basement, and he's piping in tapes
of fatties getting hit with Wrath of God.
"If I found out that a female masturbated somehow
involving a Meddling Mage I'd high five someone. The only
thing I wouldn't like is if she made Meddling Mage do
Avalanche Rider."
Chris Pikula
"If this is fame, where are my groupies?"
Josh Bennett